Green Tea's wedding 198

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

5 Things Single Women Should Know Before Considering Marriage!

In the beginning of December, I had the awesome opportunity of attending a girlfriend's b-day brunch. I don't take for granted the times when I can celebrate my friends and get away from the kids for a quick sec. So while we were there, the b-day girl asked for the married women to share with her single friends about what they needed to know about marriage. You know after a certain age...us women be in wait...waiting for our knight in shining armor. I know before I was married...from about age 25-27, I went thru that phase. The conversation was awesome and it was a great effort to dispel the notion of gumdrops and lollipops and fairy tales that are associated with wedding and marriage.

 Now, the married women in attendance were diverse in nature: some were newlyweds, divorcees, some had children,  and some didn't. So there was a wealth of information and I love conversations like these. I feel women do not share as much as they should with other women and so a lot of mistakes are repeated instead of learning vicariously through another woman's experience. Anyways, I digress. SO from the conversation, I got this:

5 Things Single Women Should Know Before Considering Marriage 

1. Know yourself. 
It's amazing how many women do not spend time mastering who they are before entering relationships. I mean truly understanding yourself and being aware of your strengths as well as one's areas of improvement. Know what you like and dislike...and that only comes with spending time with yourself and God. When you truly know yourself, you will grasp what you will tolerate and or not tolerate....which will save you a lot of time...as you won't be easily swayed or tossed to and fro just to be captured by a man or keep the company of anyone.

2.  Explore Life
One of my friends, talked about enjoying her singleness. Exploring all the things that she could without having to worry about taking care of kids, a family, etc.  Traveling without the thought of arranging a babysitter and or being back by a certain time....yessss!! There is so much to do and conquer in this world and a lot of time is spent worrying about Boaz...instead of getting every drop of milk out of the stage that you're in.  What haven't you done yet. What's on your bucket list and why haven't you started it yet.  I think sometimes the demise of marriages are because people haven't learned to live apart form their mate and so they become resentful and blame their mate for all of  the responsibilities that are keeping them hostage.  So you gotta know how to live!! How to balance and live!

3. Communication
Alas, from the young to the old...how to communicate is key! More importantly how to communicate so that you're heard. Relationships, rather its with family or friends, end, begin, restart, and or crumble because of communication. Either its too much, too little, or none.  So analyzing, are you a good communicator and how do you communicate, is essential. Is what your communicating congruent with what people are understanding from your communication.  If you don't know how to communicate or need a lot of work in that area....umm hold off on marriage lol. Lawd...cuz your communicating all the time, rather you verbalize or don't speak. Communication isn't just so you can be married...its for a better life and better relationships with those you love, period.

4. Fantasy vs. Life--- It Ain't for the faint in heart
I remember I was dating this guy and he has one of the most logical brains ever. He dropped a nugget that I still cherish till this day. He would say, Americans have this fantasy way of thinking about love....bumblegum and lollipops. They tolerate stuff because of the fantasy of the happy ending, when the real question that should be asked is if this person never changed, could you tolerate it for the rest of your life. Say it again. If this person never changed, could you tolerate it for the rest of your life. Asking that question can be applied to so many areas in our lives and would save us so much grief and heartache, if we asked it of ourselves.

5. Priorities
I could go on an on with this list...but I'll stop here with balance and priorities.  Life is a balancing act. There are so many things competing for our attention, our time, and our money, but its whether we have the ability to discriminate between the significant and insignificant. Shoes or rent? Vegas or Skills course? Are you able to sift thru life and identify the essentials.  Put things in their proper place before adding on more? Are you able to sacrifice right now for the greater outcome later on?  Those are things that should be considered.

 If you want to add some more feel free..but this is what I got from chillin with my homies:)

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Lessons learned at the DC GRAMMY Holiday Party!

    Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend DC's Grammy holiday party. I had the honor of attending as one of my fellow artist's, Wendy McIntyre's, guest, as I let my membership lapse.  I wasn't as excited about the event, but I was looking forward to seeing my sister girl, Wendy Mc:)....and no matter how I was feeling,  I just had to keep my word. So I made dinner, made sure my fam was straight, and tried my best to get myself dolled up a bit.  The results were dismal...in the make-up department. I just couldn't get it going and it didn't help that my husband....gave me the side eye...and was  like uhhh that's not it.  So I just wiped most of  it off, put on bold lipstick, sighed, and was like forget it...take or  leave it, here I come.

    There I was, in the midst of all the music heads...and it was then I was reminded why I really don't like big groups of people like this.  First, I'm not the best at networking as I like natural connections.  I feel like everyone is trying to make an impression and its too much for me....name dropping,  etc.  Plus I more so remember faces then names. Sensory Overload.  Then the question, "So what are you working on? How's the music."

Before, when that question was asked....I would dread it...especially when I really wasn't working on anything....or I didn't have an answer I thought was "music worthy."

But yesterday, when the question was asked. There was no hesitation. I replied,"I'm working on living."I don't  know where that answer came from....but it was the most liberating statement. I AM WORKING ON LIVING.  I am working on being and living to my fullest potential. Seeing what works and doesn't work in this life that I'm living... That was it. I felt no condemnation at all and actually truly enjoyed the event as I took the time to catch up everyone and see some of my music peeps.

I ran into so many familiar faces and chatted with some who, every time I see them, they make deposits in my life....with their words. They're always encouraging me to keep going in music or saying something that is in tune with my life. Their very encounters are lessons and breaths of fresh air (in fact, I wrote an entire song about it on the ride home).  Simple words like, "when its the right time...you'll write and do the singing you want again."

That moment. TIME stopped and my thinking about TIME evolved. I can't even truly express how liberating it was to even think about TIME. Like why is there an urgency to do everything RIGHT NOW.  God spoke to me on the way home about the encounter....what's the rush, when's it's already your time.  Its like when you realize what is  already yours...then there's really no need to rush it:) I've been becoming more accepting of this concept of TIME and the demands that I've been putting on something that already belongs to me.

All in all, I danced, laughed, and just had a great time.  I had an awesome time with my date, Wendy, and I succeeded in slowly reinserting myself into the music scene....not to mention I learned a valuable lesson about TIME.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

2 yrs In & Angry with God!! *shakes fist*

Last month, I celebrated two years of marriage to my handsome beau. Its amazing how much growth can happen in two years.  In two years,  so many changes have taken place in a split second.  From the moment I said "I Do," I went from being a single woman with one cat to a married woman with a husband, three children, an ex-wife, and a cat.   We then added a dog :). Several adjustments were made in year one....quick adjustments necessary for our survival. As soon as I finally got the swing of everything.....better management of my household, the children, better working relationship with the ex wife....we added two more children. We hadn't even reached year 2 just yet....just a month shy of it.  I haven't really sat down with my feelings as we have been on the go...and most times now, we barely have time to sit down without the house being crowded or having to supervise, referee, teach lessons, revisit schedules, cook meals, etc. I think my husband and I are doing the the best we can to keep things as normal as we can. We still have dates and our time together....but its not always easy.

There are times...where I feel like, I got this...and then there are times where I haven't gotten the best sleep and or I feel overwhelmed or I just want moments to myself..and I just feel angry. Like last night. Like today. Who am I angry with...GOD. Not like I haven't been angry with him before. I'm like God you know me....why!! Why are you requiring me to learn to be a different person at the age of 33 years old.  Why God?!! My husband told me just last night....somebody thinks highly of us. Humph!I asked for children from my womb!! shakes fist! I have freakin baby clothes, a baby vision board, etc....whats up...where's my baby?!! As I type this, I feel like a child having a temper tantrum because I didn't get what I wanted just yet.

And then I have these moments....where I want to treat God just like I treat someone when I'm angry with them. I don't talk to them and ignore them....and I have treated Him like that in the past and over the course of this month at times.  I will not lie I have. I hate being angry and with Him. Yet, I am not afraid to voice my concern or discomfort...thank God for a God who will allow you to be honest.

Even in my angry times with God, He still speaks to me (He is the true example of love who continues in spite of). I heard him say....:"I got you."  Nothing long or long winded. Simple --"I got you."  Then  He reminded me of the Will and Jaden Smith movie called "After Earth" where there's a segment about fear.....

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”
― Will Smith

And there is a scene where Jaden embraces his father's words and begins to take in every moment for what it is...and fear and the thing that is trying to destroy can't 'find him....can't even see him. It reminded me of God, how when we understand that faith is now, and take in our Father's words...that we can hide in His words of faith....and hide in Him.  Situations will come for us...but because we are living in the now of faith...it can't touch us.

Just venting... and realizing that my anger was displaced fear.


Friday, November 15, 2013

Reformed muller!

I recently came to the conclusion that I don't converse as openly as I should or could. Instead, I tend to mull over things in my brain over and over again. I do it so much that if feels like I've talked with my husband or to my friends about my feelings.

This occurred to me after having a chat  with my husband about some things that I have been pondering. He kept saying oh I never heard this before, to which I replied ... Oh no I didn't tell you this.

I'm coming to find that the mulling it over isn't good when the actual feelings are never expressed. It actually makes me feel more alone than anything. However when I talk and just get them out I feel much better.  Just something I've noticed lately. 

Monday, November 4, 2013

YOU HATE ME.

I don't know even know where to begin as this weekend was a weekend to remember. Let's start with the word Hate. 

"I hate my parents, especially Her."

The her in that message was referring to yours truly. I can't even describe how I felt when I read that message. 

"I'm doing all that I can, and I don't think she even cares rather I live or die." 

Words from my husband about our teenage daughter. Now, to hear my daughter say she hates me...hurt....but to hear my husband...knowing all the struggles he's gone thru to be there and provide the best for his children, was like a dagger to my heart.  Better yet my husband, was so hurt that he didn't even want to talk about it....so I became angry with him. I'm like not talk about it...all the pissyness in the air ...urgh! So many things went thru my head on that Friday...one. I need to get out of this house... too much negative energy....two. who can I call to be around that provide soothing.... yes all that.

You know it amazes me that in that moment, the person I wanted to be around most, was my mother. I just wanted to be held like a child...no words just a presence...but she couldn't be reached...and then I always question ..can I bare my soul without it traveling around robin hood's barn. Sorry, but my mother can't keep her mouth if her life depended on it lol. So next in line were my sisters...one out of town having a blast and the other had just gotten home from work. My sister who was coming home from work..ehhh...she's known to everyone for being a savior and providing just what you need....but i felt guilty....i'm coming to realize I really don't like burdening people with my woes...and I didn't want my sister to exert energy just coming from work. So I chose to go over my grandmother's house....no matter what, my grandmother doesn't have to say a thing...me seeing her is strength. On the way to her house...I cried. I've never wanted to be hated and it hurts to see my husband hurting and my daughter hurting amongst everything else going on in our house. I just cried.  I never pictured my family like this. I allowed it all just to come out. I allowed myself to be angry and then I returned to my house. Sat in the driveway for a while, but I went back in.

Now in my moment, I would have never foresaw what would happen the next day. I was still hurt and angry; however, I got up at 7 am and did my shopping. For some reason grocery shopping brings me joy and is a stress reliever....I have no idea why. When I returned,  my husband, my daughter, and I had a talk. I prayed that God would give me the words to truly be honest and express my feelings.  My husband shared his hurt with her. I shared with her how I was doing the best that I could. I told her that it hurt to hear her say that she hated me when I wanted nothing but the best for her.  I shared with her that we want her to have fun yet we still have standards. Instead of saying, don't hate me...I gave her permission to hate me. I also shared with her that I would not be changing...I want the best for her and know her potential and what she is capable of.... I told her that if her goal was to hurt me....she succeeded. I am hurt...and I leave to cry and try to get myself together at times....and come back to do what I need to do for my family. At the end of the day, I can't stop pushing her or any of my other children. I just can't, especially knowing I have to stand before God and give an account of how I trained and or didn't train my children. I told her just that...go on and hate me....but I'm not going anywhere. I'm not getting a divorce. I'm not gonna not hold you accountable...i may have to cry from your treatment or whatever..but I'mma be right here.  I did tell her that I would be trying to speak more softly instead of so firm....thats what I'm working on. I can't believe I said all that.

I have no idea where that vulnerability came from but I said it and I meant it...and most of all I said it in a warm and soft tone . That evening my husband and I got a letter. She told me that she was sorry and that she did try to hurt me because I married her father.....but she also thanked me for never giving up on her. It was signed, your daughter. When I got that letter, I can't even express the joy and the tears....i was already in the midst of doing Zumba....but an entire new dance took over. One filled with kicks and tears....and moves ....it was a dance of victory. I couldn't choreograph that dance even if I tried.

I have no words...other than God is awesome. I'm new to this parenting thing....all the twists and turns..but God isn't.  The shell is breaking.....and i'm trusting God with my vulnerability. Its His job to protect me. 

Friday, November 1, 2013

A night out: India.arie's SongVersation Tour

I recently attended a musical concert, India Arie's SongVersation Tour, and it was awesome. I thought I was just going to get a break from the kids and enjoy one of my favorite artists,  but in going I heard nuggets for my life...words from The Lord. I believe that things we need to hear are reaffirmed thru different things: People, places, songs, pictures,the bible,books,etc. and so I'm always open to hear things wherever I am.

There was a segment during her show where India Arie talked about being hard and having to break the shell. She talked about people who experienced hardness and they said she was mean etc. India said she was protecting herself... She was scared. Then she met  Cicely Tyson and she told her she needed to break the shell and allow people and the world to touch her. When she said that during her show... It was like a light bulb. I heard my sister Aiysha's voice when she said... "You being hard & fighting was how you had to survive back then... But you don't need to use those tools right now... You've outgrown them so stop shadow boxing ."  I heard previous conversations with my husband just days before when I  told him...."I need to be more warm with the kids. I dont know why, but it's hard." I heard all these things in that one instant. Sensory overload.

I saw in India's story, my relationship with my children and other people in my life. I'm  very stern and rule oriented and don't allow people to touch me.... Or be so close and I'm seeing how it's affecting my relationships with my children. Things have to be done so I feel like I have to be firm... So I don't exude as much warmth as I could. My husband knows how to do that and I've always admired that about him. But after going to the show... The reason for my sternness and order for my kids hit me. I'm scared. I'm scared to love the way I love ... Full vulnerability...in fear of it not being returned... So I stay at arms bay.  What a pill to swallow. Thanks India arie lol. 

This is something that I have to work on.... Breaking this wall... This shell. This fear of being hurt or unloved so I can really fly and be all that God's called me to be to my children and to this world. I must learn to allow the world to touch me.




Sunday, October 27, 2013

Locate Yourself?!

Certain experiences can really center you and identify exactly where you are as it relates to your maturity. I'd say the rapid expansion of my family  (from 5 to 7) allowed me to really look at myself and God in this situation. Like really, how mature am I? I had my sad party and my tears... Why is my family like this?! What about my date night etc? Dreams? Etc I mean every negative thought came to my head and at first I was allowing it to get me down. Then i remembered my defense against the blues and woes of this world .. Praise and worship. I meditated on God being an awesome God .... And then God gave me a blow like "why are you acting like the children of Israel lost in the wilderness mumbling and complaining? Have you forgotten who I am?" I must have dreamed about that conversation over and over. " remember I am your God. I was worshipping God in my sleep and I began to remember  I am the God of Abraham, I am the God of Sarah, I am the God of Joseph, .... And then I am the God of Tekeah. Geez Louise my story. Remember having no money for college, remember praying for a father, remember a husband, remember jobs etc. I am your God. I went thru stories of my friends and fam who served the same God and the same sentence would come up I am the God of_______. It really set me right. I was spending time looking at the wrong facts so I stopped and refocused. Instead of focusing on the changes around me I focused on the fact that God is my God and He has never let me down.  If I can make it thru college twice with no money surely He can provide for any situation. So that's that, God is my God and no change or situation is too much, because God has my back. I have been located.


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Big girl panties!

So much has happened in between turning 33 & now. I remember just last month I was swinging from the trees literally (for my b day I did Go Ape) and now I have managed to go from 3 children to 5 children in a course of a month. Wowzers! To say my world has changed is indeed an understatement.  

Just last month I made my vision board for the new baby that's to come. And believe me we've been workin it lol. You know faith without works is dead lol. Even months before that we got a mini van in preparation for the little one to come. We added stickers of a new baby on board. And now as I ride in the van, it is filled to capacity. No additional seating. 

I def feel I'm being stretched and I wonder if our preparation for our baby was really preparation for both my cousins and a baby. One of my cousins is autistic and tho he isn't a baby, he requires the constant support and supervison like one. I don't understand  everything all I know is that it's def a year of maturity in every area.  But with the support of my husband and God, I believe that anything  is possible. I continue to hear in my spirit, God is fighting for me, God is on my side, he has overcome, yes he has overcome :) so all I need to do is put on my big girl panties and do the work!

So pardon my lack of blogging just so much has been happening.  

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

What do you think of me?!!

Well I've been having a blast over the past couple of weeks with my husbands staycation!! He has been off work for two weeks!! Yippee!! I can't express how awesome its been just enjoying my husband. My dream would be for him to stay at home with me and we just travel the world, visiting diff bed and breakfasts, and writing about our experiences....that would be so awesome. But we are not there just yet. In the midst of enjoying my hubsters, school has commenced and with that are the early mornings etc... And all the business that comes with school. 

Well before school started, I did an exercise with the family taken from one of the various books I've been reading. The exercise was to list positive things about  each person in the family. So we did it. At the end, I took everyone's list and created one individual list comprised of all the postive thoughts for each person gave it to them at the end.  I was utterly amaZed about what the children thought of me. I mean amazed. There were descriptions like "lives life." I didn't even know they noticed. Lol. 

I gave them all their lists and they enjoyed it!  I keep my list and look it at from time I time as encouragement in the moments where I feel like my kids are purposefully trying to hurt and or be mean to me. Helps me to get past that moment more swiftly. Try it with your kids and friends. I'd def like to try this with my family and friends too:) 

Just wanted to let them know that at the end of they day... This is what we think of you:)

Friday, August 30, 2013

For Food Lovers: Foodie Penpals (August 2013)

I'm person who's always seeking new things and exploring...even when it comes to food. I think when I gain weight it's mainly because I get bored with food. Well, I came across this website that has Foodie  Penpals where you send food to a pal.  I thought, hey this is different and this would be a fun way to explore new foods. i'mmma try it.
I told my foodie penpal, Ashely that my taste buds were seeking to discover more crunchy and sweet healthy snacks. Here's what came in my box. Boy oh boy was I excited! 
To know that there's a delivery on your doorstep is awesome and it's filled with sweet and crunchy treats!  Oh yeah! Fist pump!   The Roasted veggie tortilla chips are delicious :)  I can't wait to try the  Salsa Fresca ricesworks gourmet brown rice crisps! Then I have a chocolate theme going with the other treats: odwalla choc-walla nourishing bar, chocchippeanut protein bar (which will be great after or before my workouts), chocolate Belgrade breakfast biscuits, Special K pastry crisps chocolatey caramel & chocolate. My husband and I shared the chocolate pastry crisps last night. It hit the spot for a low cal dessert (100 calories shared means only 50 calls a piece woo hoo Winning!!). All that's left is the wrapper lol. Ashely hit the nail on the head :) with the items in my foodie penpal box wee hee! Here's some close ups on the items just in case you want to check them out yourself :) 
 I can't wait till next month :) 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

School Forms Suck!

I guess over the last school year and this school year, I've come to the conclusion that completing school forms suck. Not only do they come as duplicates when you have more than one child, they do not represent the change in families.

The forms generally say parent/guardian or mother/father, they don't speak to different kinds of families. They don't speak to families that are blended, different, or have more than two parents. 

Which brings me back to yesterday when the slew of papers came home with the kids on a day in which we have them... So of course my middle son gives them to me... And what do I do, I fill them out  and when it gets to the mother part... What do i put ? I put my name and their mother's name. So for those lines I put both. The kids mother asked if she could stop by to see the kids on the first day no problem.... Until she finds out I'm filling out paperwork. She sends Swag in to get the papers which I had already completed.  Needless to say, when the papers returned there was crossed off information and stuff added ... Notably (mother) in parentheses where I had already written her name or a crossed out phone number (she crossed out her number that i had written and rewrote it over top of my name). She later called my husband and said she had a problem with my name being on the line that said mother and that I excluded her. 

Sigh. Here we go again. I get it. She is upset that it's not just her name on the form and as long as forms come to this house it won't be. It is no longer her and my husband but it is the three of us parenting. I am not taking away from her being the mother and we will all be on the forms. I feel like she has not totally accepted this. I can't lie and say that this situation doesn't anger me because it does. 1. I hate being lied on like I would purposefully not include her. 2. I am not a mother of them when it's convenient for her or anyone else, i am a mother all the time and that started the day I married my husband. So not only do they have a bio mom but they have a bonus mom as well---3 parents. What hurts the most is that these are little messages that our children are receiving while she's asking for forms and crossing out things.

Disappointing.

Maybe I should advocate for a change in forms to reflect differences in families. After all, I am a social worker, and a part of job is advocacy. I'm thinking the forms should just say Parents and have at least 3 to 4 lines.




School year prep: getting Down to business!

Yesterday marked the 1st day of school for Charles county so that meant the  1st day of school for our kiddies and the start of my 2nd yr as a mother of 3 school aged children (1 in elem., jr high, & high school). Yikes!!

As a part of entering into the family, I've tried to establish routines so that the consistency will help them. Last year before the school year, we set our academic goals. This year we did the same, but we added an evaluation of what worked (household wise) last year as what needed tweaking. 

I will say that it felt good to come together as a family and to dream together. I think it's important to teach our children to set goals and to strive to reach them. Plus I believe something happens when we write, verbalize, and visualize their dreams. We read our dreams and goals to one another:) Lastly, We topped the night
off with some red velvet cupcakes and prayer. Here's some pics from our planning night:)




Here's a pic from their first day :) Speedy tiger, Belle, Swag

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Single grocery shopping vs family grocery shopping

I've always enjoyed grocery shopping. Something about going thru the aisles, finding the best deals, and finding my favorites has always been therapeutic for me. As a single woman, I had my grocery bill down to a science and I had the luxury of deciding when or if I would eat. ohhhh but I Am Newlywed lol! My how things have changed. My grocery bill ha!! My favorites (house full of fruit) have become too expensive and were gone in a matter of days with kids in the house. Get this, kids eat all the time! Especially when they are bored lol! And! Kids Have to eat at least the minimum of 3 full meals  a day! So no deciding,hey y'all just not gonna eat right now, like I could do as a single. 

So what did I do! Well, I did what I do most times when I don't know something.... Tried various experiments... not so successful... regrouped...Then went to my fav place that has all the answers..... drum roll... i went to the library with two goals.... Save money and learn how to shop for families.

I got a book called click and coupon:) awesome read:). It taught me how to shop. One of the tips was that you make your weekly menu/ shop by the stuff that's on sale instead of just shopping for the things you want. So I tried that first. It worked!!! I was able to save so much money as I didn't pay full price for anything. Now I have a mantra that my goal is to not pay full price for anything :)  in addition to making that change, I got exposed to the world of couponing! Omg!! I was amazed at how a little planning and snipping went so far! I've gotten free floss, snacks for the kids, rita's ice, and cut down on my grocery bill:) I combine my coupons with the sales papers to get the optimum deals:) I love saving money:) and guess what... There are websites that tell u the best deals and what coupons go with deal! Love it! My husband didn't understand it but now he does. He would say if I hear you say you have a coupon for that one more time lol!  I get stuff for .55  or lower and that's when I buy 2 or 3 which holds me over to the next sales etc. Little changes like this work :) wee hee I'm not too young to coupon! 
In fact, I wish I did this in my single state as I would have saved more money!!





Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Back to school already?!!

It's approximately 6 more days until my kids start school. I can't believe that time has gone so fast. I had an opportunity to go over my summer things to do list .... The list I create for my kids and things I wanted to do with my husband.... And I'll have you know that we completed the majority of things we set out to do:) wee hee! I just love maximizing the time we have. ... The stuff we didn't get to do yet  like rock climbing and horse back riding we will carry over into the fall :) wee hee soon my list will be completed.  More than anything I dislike feeling like I let time slip thru my hands .... That just burns me up. So cheers to all the list makers out there lol!! This was my first year making a list for my family;)

Below is my summer list... We still have more to conquer but I feel good about what we accomplished:)
Camping - twice    Couple/family 👍
Horseback riding -must
Water park or tubing - maybe
Museums w/boys- 👍
Beach -  👍
Zoo - 👍
Aquarium - maybe
Paddle boat - maybe
Family vacation- 👍
Bike riding boys  - 👍
Go-cart - 
Skating - 
Bowling  family - 👍
Cookout ladies - 👍
Winery tour and B and B - 👍
Rebel race - 👍
Rock climbing terrapin adventures - 👍
Picnic - date night

Summer is coming to a close & now starts the prep & planning for the school year. I've already gotten some of the school supplies (I stay looking for coupons and sales)....we also do a dream and vision board before the start of school:) I think this year imma add an hour of personal time for each of my 3 kids. 3 hrs out of the week. I'mma see how to make it happen.  Here's to my 2nd year as a school mommy! What do you all do for your children to make the start of the  school year special?

Sunday, August 18, 2013

It's just one of them days...

I remember a song by the artist Monica... "It's just one of them days that a girl goes thru, when I'm angry inside, don't want to take it out on you"  Oh how I loved that song...ha ha and i still do. I believe it was talking about pms and the emotions that come with it.

I don't think I hear too many women talk about their pms and how it could effect their marriage or family for that matter. Well, this may be TMI for some but oh well it's purging time. I think as a single woman who lived on her own, I realized that I was emotional during a certain time  but it didn't affect anyone but me since I lived alone... Well me and my cat. I mean I would watch movies and cry over silly parts (I'm already a cryer but it'd be much worse). I wouldn't want to be around anyone and I'd just chill in my house. It didn't really affect anyone but me. But it's different when you have a family and husband. You can't just run away or seclude yourself once a month.... Even if I tried I'm sure they'd find me lol. Anyways,  I noticed that during those times the littlest thing irritated me or I felt attacked..... Crying, full of anger, things seems way more intense then they really are, etc. oh how I hate it lol.  But then once that period passes (ha ha pun intended) I'm fine. It's like a sense of normalcy. I'm normally able to communicate "hey babe i feel a little down and i'm trippin" but last month was out of control.  I mean my husband told me later, he was like, I just wanted my wife back. So I got to the bottom of it.... Guess what it was?!' Coffee!!! Over this last month my intake of coffee has been overboard. Now I knew that coffee affected me and I had stopped (my doctor told me some time ago about caffeine) but i guess the taste of coffee made me forget and i got back on the wagon. The caffeine in coffee increases pms symptoms, irritability, fatigue, breast tenderness, mood swings, period irregularity, etc. all that. So after analyzing my behavior, which i do often, the caffeine has got to go! I felt so bad for wanting to rip my husbands face off  And of course i apologized. So I have to do what i know:) eliminate the caffeine and work out! 

But would you know that even thru my rough period, my husband had set up a date for me. This guy!  Regardless of the funk that I was in he loved me thru it, gave me space, forgave me, and even had a date waiting in the wind (he said he arranged the date at the height of my emotions). Lawd, he reminds of me of God the father! Here are some pics from our date




Friday, August 16, 2013

Surviving vacation! Mason's Adventures!


Just came back from a camping trip with the family which was comprised of our 3 children, my little cousin, & our kid's half-sister (Tron's ex wife's daughter). Had me thinking, do I really want to have a huge family lol. Overall, it wasn't that bad....except for getting bit by a bug or two ... We had a great time!  Moments here & there...but overall the kids had fun, with the exception of Belle, who feels she is beyond camping trips, unless her boyfriend is invited. Would you believe that she asked if her "boyfriend" could go with us? Lawd, on one hand I was like that chick crazy, lol while on the other hand, had to admire her guts for even asking. 

Anyways...Since being a part of a big family, I'm getting better at the concept of saving money and having fun. Our entire camping trip/vacation cost maybe $600 (food and activities included)  in comparison to a 3k cruise. Everything we needed was at the campsite:) pool, basketball court, volleyball, hopskotch, waterslide, etc. We cooked our food over the campfire :) pancakes, eggs, bacon,grilled cheese, tacos, quesadillas, corn, popcorn, marshmallows, smores,etc. Made it happen! Creativity saves money and a little planning goes a long way.

In addition, to that we sowed into my husbands ex-wife's life and my little cousins life....which brings me joy:) One of my dreams was to have their little sister and their mom to go on vacation together. This year we got the sister. :) who knows, maybe one day the mom will come too. It's a start. Plus, above all, love conquers all and my husband and I will continue to show the love of God thru our giving. After all, that's what it all about:) 
Check out some pics :)

 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

When Date Night Goes Wrong....

I wish I could say that I'm the most perfect wife...and that I do almost everything right....but I can't...I  really wish I could but I can't. I wish I could say that I even knew why I act the way I do in real time moments, but most times I don't. I'm what you call a slow processor...I normally get "it" after the fact.....the chief analyzer. So most times I won't respond in the  moment....but maybe a day or so later...or there are sometimes where I will respond in the moment. Guess it depends on the weather lol.

Like yesterday. Tuesday is our normal date night and it was going well until.... well, I felt left out of a conversation that my husband had with our daughter. One thing I can't stand is feeling left out. Anyways, when superman says he had a talk with Belle...and i ask oh how'd it go?...his response is, it went well. So I prod more...because "it went well" tells me nothing and then he shuts down on me. So I expressed my feelings, " i don't like it when..... i feel...you know, the express your feelings jib.  Regroup and move on. So we had fun during our dinner...we sought to either bless a couple or our waiter. We decided on the waiter and so we blessed him really well. Giving always puts us in a good mood. So as we're headed out, I start playing, putting my finger in his ear etc. To make a long story short, I wanted to bite him on his nose (lol it's a love nibble, not too hard, tho I have once before, bitten him too hard...but i 've learned)...and he was like ummm no i don't like it. And for some reason I just had to nibble on his nose ....my way of professing my love, but he wouldn't let me. He nibbles my nose all the time...mainly because he knows I love it...this is prob TMI...but oh well. Needless to say, he was like love shouldn't cause pain ....and that my love is wrong. Ok. Volcano erupts. IAMNEWLYWED. I am done for the night. I go to sleep angry. Wake up angry. He wants to talk. I don't. I want to run. I bake cookies. He wants to talk. I don't.

There are even moments where I actually want to let go and talk. I don't. I hold on. I was telling a colleague today about the situation and how I knew I was wrong...and I knew this issue was not the source of my anger.  It's funny that I actually didn't have peaceful sleep because superman wouldn't let me nibble on his nose. I battled with rationalizing that it was because he said my love was wrong....but in actuality thats not even it. Its not it at all. I know I probably should have journaled all of my emotions before seeing superman yesterday evening. My anger started long before he even got home. It started with the result of a pregnancy test. Only one stripe, not two. Thoughts of being a failure because in spite of all the information I consumed about pregnancy, the test read only one stripe. Period is late, but one stripe. I've had many dreams of pregnancy all this month. Only one stripe.

So in essence, I used my husband to unleash all the anger I could. I woke up angry and wanted to scratch his eyeballs out.....though he was not the reasoning behind the anger. Then I was disappointed with  myself for being so angry and mean to him on today. Sometimes the ones closest to it reap the harvest of seeds that haven't even sowed. I'm guilty. I'm sorry for not connecting my feelings earlier.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

From physical parenting to cyber-parenting: it never ends!

Fresh off of gaining a Zumba license and a staycation with superman, now it's back into the swing of things. 

Parenting never ceases even when they're not physically in your presence..... Even the word I don't like, "step-parent," continues to exist even when the kids aren't with us. I was reminded of that yesterday when I texted another parent and identified myself as my daughter's other mom. She responded you mean step-parent and I said no, i don't like like the term. For some reason step-parent has a negative connotation... You know Cinderella and the wicked step-mother or the stereo type of the sexually abusing step-father..... I just don't Iike the unspoken ideas that come with the word step-mother or step parent...it truly doesn't capture my hope for my children and creates a divide in the family (like because i didnt birth them, i dont care them) .Maybe that's just me. Oh we'll i digress.

Well, yest i had to go into parent mode due to my daughters interaction on Instagram and she wasn't even with us.  For the purpose of this blog we gonna call my daughter, Belle. Yes, Belle is on Instagram just like most in the world. Though it can get rather crazy with adolescents and Instagram. So many different avenues that they can use for foolery.... And it's big distraction. Anyways, Belle asked a question  (on instagram) of her "boo" that her father and I felt was inappropriate. (Side bar: if your children have Instagram, I advise that you follow them, etc to insure pictures and content is appropriate).

So although belle was not with us... I gave correction via Instagram to her and her "boo" and also let her mom know as well. Yeah I know, I'm not the cool mom... But I don't care... Being cool and teaching my daughter to be the best woman she can be, don't necessarily go hand and hand, at times lol.

So I did what I thought had to be done. When she returns there will be a follow up discussion. But in the mean time,I contacted her "boo's" mom who didn't view it as a big deal. Woosah! I didn't argue back in forth... I simply stated that its inappropriate and my daughter is a lady and that I wanted to keep her in the loop as his parent.

I'm learning more and more that I don't have to prove my point or go tit for tat. State your case and roll out. It's okay if they don't agree. (And I love healthy debates lol... So this is growth)

Parenting doesn't stop. Eek and the grief I gave my parents going thru the dating phase, has a whole new meaning!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Dreams vs. Marriage?! Which wins?!!

I thought I'd have time to write a new post yesterday, but I didn't. After taking the Zumba training to become a licensed zumba instructor, I was beyond pooped. As we speak  my abs, ham strings, and glutes are soooore but i got that license lol. It's official, I'm licensed to teach Zumba, a goal that was on this years dream board:) One marked off the list lol *insert fist pump*

Dream,dreams,dreams!!! I have so many and thank God for a husband who encourages them all. Special kudos to those who've married free spirits and dreamers ..... Cuz we have different dreams by the seconds and minutes. It def takes a special kind to support and nurture us:) I ain't Lyin!

Well this morning, superman and I were taking about our dreams and how they have changed etc. From time to time we do family and marriage devotional (crosswalk.com) and this one had the following questions:

Have you ever had to give up any of your dreams for someone?
• How do you feel now about those old dreams?
• What new dreams do you have for yourself and for us as a couple?
How will you help each other to accomplish your dreams?

How ironic because I'd already planned to write this post. 

Reflecting, in the beginning of "IAMNEWLYWED" state, i was angry, because I felt I had to give up some of my dreams to be what I thought a family should be. I took off singing for a while to adjust to married life when I didn't have to.... But that's what I thought I had to do.... Only after talking to superman did I realize I didn't have to. 

Now, I think that I can have my dreams and be married. I do feel that there is something that I have to relinquish as a result of being married... And that is the impulsivity... The having what I want when I want it... I have to give that up.  So sometimes as it concerns some of my dreams, I have to exhibit patience and trust in God that "my time" will not escape me. Just like in the case of Zumba... I originally wanted to do it last August but our family was in the process of moving and so I waited.  "My time" didn't escape me, even though I got the license a year later.  I'm learning that I don't trust God as much as I thought. I'm working on it tho! In the meantime, let the Zumba parties commence!!


Wednesday, July 31, 2013

God Is In his mouth!

Let's see...I'm approaching almost 2 years in marriage, come November 19th...  and today my husband, which for the purposes of this blog, is named Superman:) Actually, he's had that name since we first started dating lol  though I've figured out, I'm his kryptonite... not just me tho...he's an uber kind...want everybody to be happy kind of person. Anyways, this morning, superman gave me a poem that he had emailed me in 2009....such a sappy we in love poem...oh how I love stuff like that.....plus I recently told Him that I think God is in his mouth. We have                                                                                                           such interesting convos lol.

One of the things that  I've always loved about my husband is his care towards me....his understanding towards me. Even when I'm dead wrong.....he gets me. I'd never experienced that truly until marrying him. (well a little with my parents). With him, I'm able to truly be myself...to be completely naked....and not be judged....to say my feelings right or wrong and always come back in love.....without the fear of him leaving me. I told him recently that his kind of love exemplifies God to me. Some of the stuff he says...his correction...how he does it....his instant forgiveness.  I told him God is in his mouth. 

You see, in my private time, I have some discussions with God....and then my husband will say the same thing in a different way. Then I'd be like whatev....taking it for granted until its confirmed again (yes, I can be rather bull headed). Then, he'd say remember I said that. Eek. He was right all along. ha ha IAMNEWLYWED! I have come to understand and am even letting my guards down more with my Superman. Exposing more layers of myself and vulnerability lol...did I mention I'm from Southeast lol.  I acknowledge that God is in his mouth and he is a physical representation of God's love towards me. woo sah....a physical representation of God's love towards me.  I say God loves me so much that he would let me experience love with Superman. And because its so....I have to do a better job at acknowledging that God is in his mouth by listening the first time....without confirmation...knowing that if he messes up or misses it, that God still has my back. I love Superman:)

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Swagged out/!!

I can't believe it's Tuesday...I really like to purge on Mondays lol...but I sat down to write and then ended up working and doing everything else except what I had intended to do. Surely, I know I'm not the only one that this has happened to lol... Well alas! I get a moment to reflect.

So this past weekend, the kiddies returned...and sometimes when they come back from the weekend it's almost like a roll of the dice. You just never know what your gonna get.   But this weekend was fairly cool. I'm learning that no matter how they come (no matter the mood) that it's important for me to be consistent..anyways, I digress.

 Back to this past weekend. Now, out of my three children the one who has the most mouth....is my middle son who's 12 years old. I won't say his name, as he is a kid of "swag," lol and me saying his name would "take away from his coolness/swag" I'm sure lol and it would embarrass him.  Nonetheless, he's the one who just has to be right or has to have the last word, no matter if he's right or wrong. I guess a christian, faith-filled, therapist, positive soul singer, shouldn't say that he makes me wanna decapitate him sometimes.... But who am I fooling...lol...God already knows. LOL!

But this weekend, I had to pat myself on the back and note some growth. So for the purpose of this blog, my middle son's name throughout this blog will be "Swag."  So Swag  comes home in a relatively good mood and I'm in a good mood too because  I sold all my G.I.G cookies (www.greenteasoul.com). Excuse the shameless plug.  So just chillin and having fun, I decide to make it rain (throw money in the air) and of course the boys grab up the money and high tail it. We call em back..and  somewhere Swag says Ma-T doesn't buy us anything except candy from the $1 store. I responded oh really...like the house you live in, the clothes on our back..yadda yadda.  He's like, Dad pays for it...or something like that. I was like, really. But unlike before....I let it roll off my back. Before I would have had the verbal artillery cocked, loaded, and fired like an automatic machine gun.... but I didn't I just kept it moving. Wee hee high five for me!

It did show me how little, children comprehend, and how much they take things for granted. I think that in the beginning of our  marriage, that it was the biggest sticking point for me....I felt they were unappreciative and took things for granted....complete shock. bwhahahahaa!! Now that I'm looking back, ha ha, most kids are unappreciative and or feel that parents are doing what they "supposed" to do. But I realize that I was looking through the lenses of my past,  growing up in the hood and so close to poverty.  I'm thinking, these ninjas got a nerve to be ungrateful when they're children who don't have it like this.  I'm bending over backwards to increase our money and I get sass lol.....sounding like my mother lol....and everything other parent of I've heard.

But what do my kids know....they've never experienced any different....they don't know about southeast dc and the things that can come with it. They've never experienced how it was or how  it could be, they just know how it is. Could I be angry that they have  it better then how I had it growing up and to put icing on the cake,  they don't appreciate it....pause. nahhhh...lol

So I'm patting myself on the back for not tripping out and not feeling like I had to convince a 12 year old, who pays the bills around here. Whats the use of trying to rationalize with a 12 year old...none at this point.







Thursday, July 25, 2013

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?

Over the past weekend, I hosted our sisters support circle, where every 3rd Sunday, a  diverse group of women come together to talk about different issues. Everyone's so intelligent and has a unique perspective that I learn and improve my life each time we meet.

Although the topic was on purpose and dreams, we touched on so many other topics, that we didn't even finish.  What hit home for me was the little side bar about friends.  It stemmed from an article, The Top 5 Regrets (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dyingwhere the article talks about people's regrets before dying.

One of the regrets was that "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

I mentioned in an earlier blog posting called friends and marriage, how  I thought my friendships  were changing.But the phrasing of that regret,  I wish I had stayed in contact with my friends, hit home. It put the ownership of my connections on me. It reminded me of what my mother said when I asked her about friends and marriage.  She said, "some friendships in adulthood change, but friendships in adulthood aren't hard, they just take more work." A wise woman, but don't tell her I said that :)So i asked myself,Have I been doing my best to connect with my friends?  Am i in tune with the opportunities presented to connect?No. I'm a person of easiness, so i tend to avoid things that require work.

My idea of friendships "in my head" is that of the movies and books... The easiness of long girl talk coffee house sessions, trips to exotic places, knowing the ends and outs about everyone's lives... Basically, relationships that don't take work... Just easy like Sunday morning. But the reality is that me focusing on what friendships looked like "in my head" made me discount my friendships and see them as superficial.  I equated friendships with being easy going and requiring no effort. I didn't realize what I have. I was so busy focusing on my friends not reaching out to me that I didn't even realize that I wasn't reaching out to them as often as I could. I didnt realize the opportunities i had to redeem lost time because i was consumed with "their" lack of effort. The rapper Common said, "relationship is effort but I will match your work." Where is my effort?

I asked myself, how bad do I really want the relationships or connections. Am i willing to change, "I'm not a phone person, to being a phone person to get the connection i desire?" Am i asking about their lives?Just little stuff like that. How bad do I really want it?

I know I don't want to be on my death bed, regretting not keeping in contact with my friends. Instead, I want to say I'm glad that I kept in contact with my friends...and have them at my side. Sidebar: ain't nobody dying... Aiin't nobody got time for that... Rather be raptured lol

I'm just sayin... Whew a chestful



Tuesday, July 23, 2013

"What I Have to Do"

Today's a beautiful day. I did a little bit of work here and there, worked out, went to my favorite place (the library.....tryna see if the last season of "The Wire" has come in lol) and lounged in the pool reading a book....and capped it off with being naked for the rest of the day (I know TMI but WINNING). The house is quiet, with the exception of the hum of the air conditioning. I'm in a relatively good place.  I have a lot thoughts to process just from this past weekend...so I'll definitely be writing up some stuff soon....but not right now. Right now, I 'm enjoying every aspect of today. I don't know when I did this last...just stopped and savored the moments of the day.

I've  spent so much time over the past week or so complaining about feeling like I "have to" work my part-time job.  I've come to the realization that I don't like to "have to do" anything.... the "having to do stuff," is a turn off.  I'm a free bird and "having to do" something...feels like I'm being caged/trapped. Actually, my husband helped me come to that conclusion and he even had anecdotes  to illustrate his points. Oh, how I love a man who can support a premise lol. I digress.  Anyways, ironically, I just recently accepted that as a grown up, lol, there are things that I "have to do." So over the last couple of days, I've changed my disposition....instead of complaining (I actually got tired of hearing myself)... I'm focusing on the positives and the things I have and like about my part-time job and the opportunities it has afforded me. I think continuously  talking negatively about a situation...makes you feel worse then what it really is. Instead, I'm thanking God and appreciating where I am.  Appreciating the process to get to where I'd like to be. Ha Ha (i just LOL'd) I'm maturing. One day at a time. I'm really working on having my joy about life be set---- unchangeable.... no matter what comes my way. I'm working hard at not rushing this life process...but enjoying the moments day by day.

So today I'm not on the go...I'm chillin...and I'm bout to enjoy my naked moments...literally and figuratively...and get back in the pool!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Cheers to the weekend: Linaganore Wine Festival!

We Out'chea...so hot!!
It's Monday and for some reason Mondays have always been my favorite! It's the reset that it's a new start of the week.


Well, what can I say, I had a great weekend. This weekend, I had my husband all to myself and I so appreciate those moments. Every other weekend we have the kids, which is a great break & most times a much needed one. It's such a great way for us to just reconnect and build. I love it. I don't take these moments for granted because we don't have time to get into long disagreements that suck up the entire day...cuz the weekend would be gone. Although, I was tempted on Saturday because the boo is blunt, like me, at times (although no one would ever believe it lol), and he told me in so many words (after I came from the gym), that I stink and to go take a shower. I was all in my lovey dubby mood ha ha...he straight killed my vibe...short lived for sure.

I got upset...but got it together within the next 5 minutes. Turned on some old Kanye, college dropout. Hit the showers and got ready for the day. I think the positive in our relationship is that we can have a moment, get ourselves together, and come back to the day...and then talk about it.  I'm prob more sensitive then I've ever realized and I'm working on it. My husband knows how to bounce back way more quickly then I can. More work to do. I love that he can bounce back so quickly, yet he gets on nerves that he is so good with that. 

Me posing with the winery machine afte the winery tour lol!
Anywho, we went to the Linganore Wine Festival and had a great time!The food, the people, the wine tour, and just the experience of laughing and spending time with my favorite person is such a refresher. So many things happen on a day to day basis  and week to week...but when I'm with my best friend, like Lauryn Hill says, nothing else even matters.  Then the man who owns the Linganore winery shared their story, of how they started from hand crushing grapes to mass producing wine. I love hearing about dreams and how they came to fruition. They speak to me and encourage my own dream process. So needless to say the Linganore Wine Festival was great and I think we're going to go back again in October:)!

Overall, I feel there is a lesson in every interaction and experience and so my goal is to learn to bounce back within a minute instead of 5 to 10 minutes.  Make the best out of each moment, especially with my husband.  At the end of the day, I don't want to have so many minutes wasted:)

Here's a pic from the festival:) Aren't we just cute lol!

Friday, July 19, 2013

The Silver lining: Coolin

In my moment of sadness yesterday, I had a choice. Would I wallow in the sadness or keep it moving. I chose the latter and got in the pool. I thought I was gonna chill alone, relaxing on the floatie, when the kids returned to the pool.... And I do mean returned, as they had previously left, to watch television. Now, I have seen this happen with my husband ... As soon as he gets in, all the kids get in or as soon as he does something, everyone wants to do it. He's a magnet like that.  It hadn't happened with me though. But yesterday it happened.  I'm noticing that its happening more and more:). The kids feeling more comfortable to share space. What a silver lining. I'm doing a better job at noticing the small changes. It was cool just noticing the small influence I made yesterday by deciding not to let a moment ruin the day. 

Here's a pic from one of our coolin days. I should have taken a pic yesterday but it was too hot to be concerned with anything other than swim time lol!  


Thursday, July 18, 2013

Life after Lyfe

Not too long after I wrote my blog, What is it that you do again? and sent out my email to my #greentealovers,  I get word that I'm no longer slated to open up for Lyfe Jennings on this Saturday, July 20, 2013. No longer. Swallowed Hard. Thoughts. Feelings. Sadness. Disappointments. My response: Okay.

Next steps. Action. I must immediately tell my accompanist that the rehearsal slated for 2:30 pm today is cancelled. I must tell my kids who were gearing themselves to sit thru the rehearsal, gathering snacks and games, to be at ease; the rehearsal is cancelled. Their response is that they're happy. More time they have to chill in our pool on the new floaties.

I must send out a retracting e-mail
and to the social media outlets.

Next thoughts. Wait, I forgot. I'm disappointed. Hence, I'm writing. Woosah.

I'm sad that I got my hopes up about this situation. Sad that I sent out emails, social media, told my husband, my parents, and my friends. Sad that I may get endless questions about what happened, are you okay.  People feeling sorry for me. All of that.

But I'm still here. I cry a few tears but upward and onward.  This disappointment doesn't take away my gift or my mission to encourage people to grow, love, and heal thru music. I'm staying true. Just another lesson that I've learned. In a matter of moments, things can change, both for the better or for the worse, especially over things you can't control.  Somethings I just can't control. I don't have power over other people.  I have power over myself and my response and so I wish Lyfe Jennings the best show ever.  Sorry I'm not apart....but like I tell the kids when they can't do something that they really want to do..." it's okay, maybe next time." I'll be opening at the Howard Theatre some time in the near future.

Patience continues to ring like a clanging symbol in my ear. I hear ya I hear ya



What is that you do again?!!

 Just last week, a person asked me, what I did for a living. The answer is not the usual one answer. The answer goes... well I'm a group exercise instructor, a baker,  a singer/songwriter, post-adoption researcher/Homestudy, writer, etc. Prior to asking me that question, they asked my husband the same one and they got one  answer,  a computer engineer. When this questioned is asked, my husband and I, take a deep breath,look at each other, then I give my long answer coupled with "oh, I'm a praise and worship leader too ."  I should have added mother and wife too....I'll add that next time lol.

I do a lot of things as my goal is to do the things that bring me joy and put forth effort to eliminate the things that don't.  I got that from reading the books written by the Delaney sisters:) In 2010, I retired from being a full time social worker to focus on my happiness and pursue my music full time.  Within that time period, I lost 48 lbs, was writing and recording my new album,  became a group exercise instructor, weight watchers leader, etc. Then in 2011, I added wife and mother to the list. 



Which brings me here. I am a singer/songwriter. I've been singing since I can remember and I've been pursuing music professionally since 2004. I have a total of 5 albums out, under the moniker (Green Tea) which has now changed to GREENTEASOUL.  In 2011, I became a wife/mother, with a husband and 3 children, 2 cats, and 1 dog.  My biggest challenge was how to do both without feeling guilty about sacrificing something in one or the other. I'm still working on that. Its definitely a balancing act. Music takes time, energy, and money (we have a separate budget for Green Tea and I sell G.I.G cookies to cover my music expenses). Family takes time, energy, and money. EEK!! I started to feel guilty about both. And then, after this last venture with investing in my music didn't pan out the way that I thought. I really became down. I started thinking about all the different ways I could have used that investment in my family.  Then another music venture, I wanted to take part in with a really great producer... I got the estimated expenses..and my heart sank. I really couldn't at the time because it wasn't feasible financially....and so I had to tell him. Eeek I hated doing that! Thank God for a supportive husband though. He supports my dream and was being the voice of reason.....he was like ummm you been in the game how long? I've listened to a lot of music industry's success stories...and they were in the game longer than you, before they actually made it." Oh and by the way, they have a label paying for their stuff." You got to love him...but i didn't want to hear that. I'm Tekeah remember its supposed to be different lol. But I was really considering throwing in the towel on music.  Like maybe I had reached my pinnacle. I had written a blog on July 9 that pondered, should I quit. That was just last week.

Needless to say I didn't quit...and I allowed people to encourage me. I also know that I'm an emotional person especially around certain times of the month. lol. So, its not wise for me to make decisions when I'm emotional. Fast forward to today. I got word on Monday asking me if I'd like to open up for Lyfe Jennings. Of course I answered yes...and went back to my business....you get so many what ifs in the music business...I wait until I see the fine print before I get my hopes up. But it was and is confirmed! I am opening up for Lyfe Jennings on this Saturday, July 20 at the Howard Theatre.

One week pondering quitting, the next week slated to open up for a platinum artist. In the past week, have I figured out how to let music and my family co-exist in its entirety? No. What have I figured out is that I have people who will have my back and won't let me quit. I got a response from one of my friends in the industry, "Your not quitting. The end."  lol I figured out that my purpose of singing is not to just make money or tour all over the world but it is: To encourage people to grow, love, and heal, thru music and outreach.  At the end of the day that is my purpose and I can't get caught up in what others are doing or how far they have come. I thank God for this opportunity...and just for being to be able to learn from the positive and negative.