A night out: India.arie's SongVersation Tour

I recently attended a musical concert, India Arie's SongVersation Tour, and it was awesome. I thought I was just going to get a break from the kids and enjoy one of my favorite artists,  but in going I heard nuggets for my life...words from The Lord. I believe that things we need to hear are reaffirmed thru different things: People, places, songs, pictures,the bible,books,etc. and so I'm always open to hear things wherever I am.

There was a segment during her show where India Arie talked about being hard and having to break the shell. She talked about people who experienced hardness and they said she was mean etc. India said she was protecting herself... She was scared. Then she met  Cicely Tyson and she told her she needed to break the shell and allow people and the world to touch her. When she said that during her show... It was like a light bulb. I heard my sister Aiysha's voice when she said... "You being hard & fighting was how you had to survive back then... But you don't need to use those tools right now... You've outgrown them so stop shadow boxing ."  I heard previous conversations with my husband just days before when I  told him...."I need to be more warm with the kids. I dont know why, but it's hard." I heard all these things in that one instant. Sensory overload.

I saw in India's story, my relationship with my children and other people in my life. I'm  very stern and rule oriented and don't allow people to touch me.... Or be so close and I'm seeing how it's affecting my relationships with my children. Things have to be done so I feel like I have to be firm... So I don't exude as much warmth as I could. My husband knows how to do that and I've always admired that about him. But after going to the show... The reason for my sternness and order for my kids hit me. I'm scared. I'm scared to love the way I love ... Full vulnerability...in fear of it not being returned... So I stay at arms bay.  What a pill to swallow. Thanks India arie lol. 

This is something that I have to work on.... Breaking this wall... This shell. This fear of being hurt or unloved so I can really fly and be all that God's called me to be to my children and to this world. I must learn to allow the world to touch me.