Green Tea's wedding 198

Saturday, October 10, 2015

How to get your husband's golden balls?!

     It was close to the store's closing when I ran to the mall to get my infamous Boston baked beans (I.e. The candy).  In mid stride my husband told me to get him some of those gold balls, aka ferrero rocher. I made sure I got them. Later on, during the course of our date night, he told me that those gold balls were his favorite.  I didn't know that so I tucked this new found knowledge in my lover's memory bank. When used correctly, it's little information like this that can be a silver lining in my boos's day. 
      One of my goal's in life is to learn everything I can about my husband. I always imagine myself being on a game show in which I'm quizzed on my husband's likes and dislikes and I answer the questions correctly. I'm a student who studies my husband.... as I not only want to rock his world in the bedroom but I want to rock all areas of his life. I think when you're married, you should always be in learning mode, that way you aren't wasting precious time and energy. Like I remember when I found out that my husband didn't like cards, that was his last card. No need on buying things he doesn't like because I like cards. I have purposed to love and appreciate him in his love language and he does the same.
     The other day we were in the mall and I just had to get some more of those Boston baked beans. My husband made his way to the car and waited out front for me. When I got my Boston baked beans, I got him some gold balls too. When I got in the car he was like, I meant to tell you to get me some of those gold balls. I held up one. He was beaming and said, "see I knew you had me." When I know my boo's favorites, please believe i'mma pull the trigger every chance I get. I am a student:) in every area.

Suggestions to get to know your mate :
Ask them questions: what do you like/dislike ? What are your favorites?

What can I do better? Are there any things that I've done that you don't particularly care for?

Always be open to learn and to grow with your mate.

Information learned from your mate is always valuable when used correctly.

Monday, October 5, 2015

The night I Screwed My Husband's Brains Out ...

I feel relieved, refreshed, and relaxed. Last night, I tried to screw my husband's brains out all because he tricked me. He told me that if I gave him some yum yum, he'd take off from work the next day. Now, for some people, their husband taking off from work isn't a big deal, but for me it's everything. I get to spend time with my hubby and I can get some time to myself ( catch up on sleep, while he tends to beanie). 

Anyways, I put my back into it lol.... And what I realized is this.... Sometimes I don't realize how much I need sex. I don't know if it's a woman thing ...but I just don't realize it. Sometimes I'm so tired from doing everything else that sex is not given the full attention that it should. Those times when I'm irritable or just walkin around uptight...I just need to pause, stop trippin, and go for a ride  and drop it like its hot! Lol! Eureka! Women need sex just as much as men do.

The physical contact, the stress release...it's so carthartic. I need the release just as much as my hubby. The deep sleep... Lawd! Knocked a sista all the way out..... "Way up, I feel blessed " (Big Sean reference). But seriously, I'm writing this to let the married women know that sometimes it's not the stress of having a huge family that is leading to your mood...it's because you haven't had that release....that good ole orgasm! We need it and it makes a world of a difference. Here's my suggestions/notes:

Will you feel like having sex all the time and on the spot like your hubby can ?! ---No, not all the time... But be familiar with your supports (things you use to get you in the mood)....music, candles, scented lubricant, toys, role play, etc

Have sex even when you don't feel like it! -The high afterwards is worth it:) and its a perfect stress reliever!

Note how you feel after you're done.

Don't be in a rush to get up afterwards:) stay there in each other's arms. Research shows that post-sex affection leads to a more satisfied sex life and a more satisfied relationship in general.

Oh  and about my hubby and his trick...That,day-off, he promised...what I forgot was that he had already submitted Monday as a day off.....and of course I didn't realize that until later.... Until after I had screwed his brains out. Lol! 



Monday, September 28, 2015

How To Make Birthdays Special in Blended Families

Birthdays come and go. Me, I just recently had a birthday. I'm 35. Yup 35 with 6 kids. Woo sah! Lol! But enough about my birthday (which was awesome) lets talk about birthdays in a blended family.

Birthdays in a blended family are different and special. The reality is that when there are court orders and visitation  schedules, celebrating your child's actual  birthday on their birthday doesn't happen as often as you'd like. There have been consecutive years where we haven't had our kids on their actual birthdays, but it has never stopped the party. When we were newly married, we decided that not having our children on their b-day would not be a source of contention or negativity... And we stuck to it. We don't dwell on not having them in our physical custody on their birthday; it's not a big deal. What 's a big deal is that they're celebrated :) So we celebrate their birthday normally before their birthdate or right after if we don't have them on their actual b day.  We made a family tradition out of it. We have our festivities and then we conclude it with a family dinner in which we go around the table and each person says why they're thankful for the  b day person. I didn't really realize how much they were looking forward to it, until we went out for my birthday. They were like, dad don't forget, we got to do that thing! Lol!  That thing.. aka saying why they're thankful for the honoree (and of course they love the celebratory dinners cuz it's a night to eat out)! The kids reminding us of our family tradition highlighted how,we,as parents, influence our children's perceptions. We, the parentals, set the mood and the tone and normally the kids will adjust to however you set the tone (be it negative/positive). It was was weird when we first started it in 2011, but now they know what to expect and even look forward to it.

So here's a couple of suggestions to make a blended family birthday special:
1. Don't focus on the other parent (they had them x amount of years on their birthday it's my turn..blah blah blah)
-- Remember Birthdays are about the child. They shouldn't feel like they're in the middle.
2. Create your own ritual/tradition that you do every year. 
3. Decide to celebrate before or after and let them know.
6. Make a big deal and let them know that you're thankful that they've lived another year!

Here's a pic from a bday last year ... No sad faces in the building! Lol

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Death Sucks! Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Death sucks! Lately, I've heard of so many stories of sudden or tragic deaths. I hate it. I feel so powerless and I'm always wishing there was something I could do to change the outcome. Sadly, I can't.  

I wish I could've changed the news about a married couple I'd worked with just last summer. I was told that the husband died in his sleep. I was shocked! I think I'd finished up this married couples' interview in July 2014 and he died in December 2014.  Man, that messed me up. I didn't have a close relationship with him or anything, but I grieved for his wife. When doing their couple's interview, I felt the connection that they had for one another and to hear that their union was cut short really hurt me and shook me up.

I thought about my husbands mortality. How I don't want to lose him and how much I value him. I value our time together and I told him so.

Not too long after I shared with my hubby how much I value him, we had a tift about something. I don't even remember what it was about, but during that tift God reminded me that I said that I value my husband and our time together. So, why waste time?

If something were to happen would you be satisfied with this being the last moment with your hubby? Now, I know nothing is going to happen to us but this question shifted my perspective. Instead of holding on to the anger and the check out phase (intentionally ignoring with the poked out lip lol), it caused me to want to bounce back more quickly after a tift.  I no longer wanted to waste that time or energy.... I can't get that time back.... And that negative energy steals golden moments.

Now, I'm not perfect ... But as I get older, how I spend my time and energy has become more important and so I try to remember these 3 things:

-Every moment with my framily counts.
-I purpose to have our last interaction be on a high note.... (A simple, I love you at the end or I appreciate you is a great add on for this)
-I let them know (although it may be random) via text, phone, gift, etc. that I value them. 

Let me reiterate, I'm not perfect.... I just want to capitalize on loving those in my life while they're here on this earth.


Monday, August 24, 2015

How to overcome those that hate you!

I wish I could say that being a mother in a blended family was as easy as pie, but I can't. In fact, it's been one of my biggest challenges. It's the challenge of doing everything you can for your children without the appreciation.... doing everything for your children, tho there's the lingering scent of hate and "you're not my mother," in the air (sometimes this is perpetuated via the biological parent.. But that's a whole nother topic).  Welp, that's how it was when I first married Tron, especially with the oldest girl.

I got the blues. I felt like I was being spit in the face... repeatedly. But, I kinda knew what I signed up for. Previously to being married, I had a dream about the kids and they said, "you're not my mother" and I replied, "I know. I'm not tryna be." So I kinda expected a little bit of friction but not to the extent that I experienced.

I can remember stuff with my eldest daughter where she would try to purposely sit in the back to avoid sitting next to me.  Other times she'd be the ring leader of her brothers to cause negativity and or strife in the room.  If I said left, best believe she was gonna say right.  I remember this one conversation where I gave her permission to hate me. I told her that no matter what she did she wouldn't be able to push me away from caring for her or expecting the best of her. I told her regardless of how she felt, I would stay the same and continue to love her. And I did. It wasn't easy.... But it got easier.

I communicated with her when she hurt me. I made sure she knew that I had feelings too. I cried to my husband and to my sisters when it got really difficult. But most of all, I prayed, journaled, and continue to speak life and do activities with her and the family.  I think that's the secret to overcoming those who hate you... To literally love the hell out of them lol! I believe that love transforms ... Which brings me to now.

My daughter and I recently took a trip together to New York... Yup the same one who didn't want to be alone with me. We had a great time. It was so awesome to see and eat the fruit of my prayers. I think the fruit manifested because I didn't allow how she treated me to take root in my heart. I didn't allow how I was being treated to affect or corrupt how I cared for her. I am her bonus mom. I'm not perfect and I have learned throughout this process. I know how to overcome those that hate you:

1. Love the hell out of them. Kill them with kindness and the love of God.
2. Pray the word of God over your situation. Ask for guidance.
3. Speak your dream, not what you're experiencing 
4. Commit & continue regardless of how it seems.





Monday, August 17, 2015

When Being "You" Isn't Good Enough!

It's about 4 am in the morning and I just finished pumping breast milk and writing a brief letter to my 12 year old daughter. I'm a first time mother of a 12 year old much like I'm a first time mother of  two 11 year olds (1 being autisic), 14, 18, and a soon to be 8 month old. A lot of firsts and tho it pains me to say this, I don't always make the right decisions all the time. I know that's hard to believe (LOL), but It just doesn't happen that way.  As I become a better mother day by day, I find that "what is right" is often at war with my vulnerability.  The battle between being the parent and being transparent and open enough for my children to mature into authentic feeling human beings is real.

Internal Conflict. Growing Pains.

Especially when being transparent means   to admit your mistakes and or your areas of growth & improvement and ignore the hierarchy or power struggle inherent in parent child relationships. All of that while growing and maturing personally. Yup. Work. 

Which brings me to the brief letter I wrote to my 12 year old daughter. It started with these words, "I love you and I'm thinking about you."   Something simple yet complex at the same time. Vulnerability walking on the tightrope of parenthood. An area in which i'm continuously pulling back the onion as I realize that in order to give my children what they need, it means to put,"how i am," as a person to the side. 

The way I've been for almost 35 years is enough for my survival and serves me well, yet my style of survival is not enough to meet the needs of my child. So, I'm doing the work to shift and morph to become what my child needs.  A person who dotes on her, makes her the center of attention, crafts with her, etc.  It's not east to be stretched in this capacity. It's downright uncomfortable and sometimes I feel like a traitor to my core. I'm the person who doesn't like people invading her space or clingyness/needy folks but I must become the one who enjoys her space to be invaded for the sake of the health and development of my beautiful 12 year old child.

I'm vulnerable and outside of my comfort zone...but I'm willing and so starts the beginning of my letter to my daughter, 

"I love you and I'm thinking about you."
  








Thursday, August 13, 2015

Married with kids: how not to let children stop your fun!


One of my biggest fears about being married with children, was that they'd disrupt my flow and all the plans I had for my life. I' m known for being a free spirit and I love being free. I thought, oh Lord, with all these kids I'm not going to be able to do what I wanna do. Almost 4 years in, I have a bit more insight. Having children has the power to change things for sure, but the extent of how much it changes things depends on you. 
     I remember when I first had Royal (my 8 month old), I was having the biggest pity party of my life. I felt unattractive, didn't want to have sex (didn't have anything to do with my hubby... Labor without meds is all i'mma say about that lol ) and I definitely didn't want to be stuck in the house with all these kids. I was like wait, this isn't how I'm supposed to be. I'm the adventurous one! I soon realized that having a child had not taken away my adventuring spirit, the box that I was putting myself in, was squelching my spirit. My husband further confirmed what I was thinking when in so many words he said, having children is a journey, meaning that we're constantly moving thru different phases.  Sometimes you may have a season where you have to spend more time in the house then you'd like, but it's a season not a forever climate. So I decided to weather the season and prepare for the shift too. 

I remember the day, where I pulled out my calendar and was like ... I'm a spontaneous mother with 6 kids, let's get it! It was then I planned my first trip to surprise my hubby for Father's Day. I didn't know all of the details of who was going to babysit my kids all I knew was that everything was gonna work out. I surprised my hubby and we stayed in a tree house from Sunday to Tuesday. Boy, did we have a blast! I felt revived and alive. We made it happen! That experience taught me a couple of things:
1.  If, what I feel is important to me,then it is a matter of my will of whether it will happen.
2. Having children doesn't stop you, your will does.
3. Because things take more planning, doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.



Tuesday, August 4, 2015

The "Terrible Awful" Thing

Panic. On the verge of tears. Panic. News reels. Nervous biting of the lip. Pacing. Circling the car. Will I be arrested? Will people understand what happened? How could you be so stupid?  These thoughts bombarded my mind in the blink of an eye. I found myself being one of "them" (i.e. one of those parents who did the "terrible awful," ---locked their child in the car). 

I remember pulling the door handle and it not giving. My 12 passenger truck was locked.  Words can't truly describe the sinking feeling of having locked my baby in the truck.The feelings of desperation  and helplessness. My baby crying. Me going from side to side frantically peering thru the windows trying to command my mind to think rationally and not be overwhelmed with my emotions. I called my husband and tho I was totally freaked out, he was cool. His voice was calm, but then came the question, "so how did this happen?"  In that quick instant, I studdered as those negative thoughts were firing like a semi automatic weapon. Thoughts: how could you be so stupid ... What kind of mother are you...you're gonna scar her for life..you don't deserve to be her mother. All of this going on in my brain while trying to keep my composure and answer the question. I answered, "it happened because I accidently stepped on the keychain (the lock) while  putting her and the stroller in the truck and then I reached over, started the truck , turned the air on, hopped out of the truck, and proceeded to get in the drivers seat.

My heart stopped. Time stopped when I pulled the door and gained no entry. My husband called the police while I fought against my emotions and did my best to stay calm. I called my girlfriend and she was in route to drive to my house to get my spare keys. The police arrive. I'm pacing around the car doing my best to not burst into tears. The police officer's silver thing to jimmy the lock didn't work, but he provided these words. "Look at the bright side. It could be worse." 
-Yes you locked her in the car, but at least you had the air on.
-You have a friend  who lives nearby and is on the way with a set of spare keys.
-Don't add any extra toppings to the beating you've already given yourself.
-She's okay and you're ok.

Wow. Shift. The situation was still the same but I could see the silver lining. Yes, I made a mistake, but things could be worse. I didn't have to accept the negative thoughts. I didn't have to add extra toppings to this guilt sundae. It's a choice to take on the negativity. It's a choice to continue to beat yourself up about your mistakes. Then as if right on cue, my giggly girlfriend and her corale of children came and delivered my spare keys. Not only was their arrival a breath of fresh air but their very countenance was medicine to my soul. I saw smiles and heard laughter, a reminder of how quickly a moment can shift from desperation to happiness. I got in the car & cried tears of joy and acceptance that I made & survived the terrible awful mistake. I thought when I entered the truck I would rush to my baby's side, like  she would woo sah that mommy arrived. She was sleep. I let her sleep. She didn't have a clue what was going on... This slumber was her normal nap time.. Her cry earlier was her normal pre-sleep cry... 
I'll never forget the terrible awful mistake, nor will I be adding extra toppings to a guilt sundae. We're Good.

Monday, July 27, 2015

A million kids, a million things to do, but still on time !

I'm married to an on time husband. In fact, he's the guy who likes to be on time for everything ... including cookouts and house parties. I often have to beg him to be a lil late for the house parties. How many times we've been the first people at an event (hate that), I dare not count. So he's the punctual one... me on the other hand, not so much. In my mind, I'm punctual and I always have  high hopes to get out the house on time. For some reason, instead of going with my original game plan, I end up adding all these random non-essential tasks. I know I'm not the only one. I have no idea why i do it... but the end result is that I'm rushing,frustrated, and tense... But at least i got quite a bit done tho right?! Lol. Nope, because I end up forgetting the real stuff I was supposed to do. Welp, recently I had a training to attend and I had to be there early in the morning, 9 am (9 am during rush hour is no joke when you're driving from the sticks to the city).  So in my calendar, the training started at 9 am and I was rushing again. My anxiety was thru the roof as I had to get the baby ready along with her bottles etc., since hubby would have her all day (not to mention making sure I had all my travel breast pumping supplies). Sigh. I made it out the house, tho not at the time I wanted. I was stressed. I made it  to training with like a minute or two to spare only to realize that the training didn't start until 9:30 am. Woo hoo! Fist Pump! I had 30 mins to spare! At that moment, I took in how I was feeling. Relieved. Free. At peace. It felt good not rushing up until the minute. I even chilled out and pumped some milk in the car lol and did a periscope (I do pumptalk sessions: convos while pumping breast milk... Follow me @greenteasoul). I wrote in my little thoughts and idea pad, "when you have to be somewhere, plan 45 minutes to 1 hr ahead, you feel better when you're not rushing." I'm thinking that's the key to being on time when you a have a million kids and a million things to do, planning ahead. I've been applying this little trick me method and I've been on time and less stressed 3 times consecutively. I also remembered that this trick me method was something I used in grad school for my papers and assignments. If an assignment was due, I'd set an earlier due date:) My thinking back then was that I would have ample time just in case some last minute emergency came up. Now that I have all these kids ... It seems like something always comes up.  Like when I had just finished dressing Lollie ( my 7 month old) and she had a huge banana throw up explosion) ... Eew! But we still made it out the house in time wee hee! So I'm dusting off this trick me method, because it works for me. It's all about findiing what works for you. What are your tricks to being punctual?! 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Do You Really Have to Grow Up?!


I'm tired. As I sit here and rest my eyes in between thoughts, I peer over at my little one. I have a 7 month old child who came from my womb.  Wow. I'm still amazed at her existence. Her little body...well, her getting thick, little body. lol. It's amazing. My amazement is due in part because she is a verbal & spirtual prayer that has manifested.  I'm so glad that I documented each phase. I wrote poems about her back in 2002. I have clothing that I purchased from garage sells when I was in faith for a child
that she now wears (peep the bathing suit tacked on the wall).  I have vision boards and all that. It's utterly amazing.  I knew the day would come, but it just doesn't compare to the reality that I am living.  Now I find myself just trying to hold on to every moment that I can. I guess that's why I'm writing this as a way to come to terms that my baby is steadily developing and growing.  It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant, and now we're slowly headed towards celebrating a 1 yr old.  Time is moving too fast and I don't know what to do with time and it's continual progress. What do you do when your dream and or vision starts to grow up. What do you do when you know you're trying to hold on, when you should be letting go and transitioning/welcoming the next phase. So I'm here. Sitting and watching her sleep. Holding on to these moments and working at transitioning to the next phase. I'm wondering if this "holding on" is representative of other areas in my life where I need to transition certain things and let go.





Monday, July 20, 2015

How to Have 6 Children in 3 Years!

Some say that having children is easy and in our case it certainly seems that way. Over the course of 3 years we've had a family spurt and have had 6 children in 3 years.  So I've  gone from being a single woman with a cat to being married with 3 children (2011), to being married with 3 children and 2 cousins (who we adopted) (2013), to finally, being married with 6 children (the addition of my 1st biological child in 2014). Our house, as it stands, is like the modern day Brady bunch aka the Mason Herd or Mason bunch (2 parents, 6 children, 2 cats, and 1 dog). Lawd, a Mercy!!

So forgive me, if it's almost been a year since my last blog post. The last time I posted, I had just found out that I was pregnant. Now, my little one is 7 months old today! Wowzers, time sure does fly and I'm doing my best to keep up.   While I was on vacation, I started thinking about how I got to this point.  My family and I just returned from vacation this morning as a matter of fact. During our travels, I did a lot of thinking and I resolved that I needed to return to writing. Well I thought about a lot of other things too....you, too, would do a lot of thinking if you had a master vacation planned by the master planner of vacations, my husband.

Let me just hit you with our itinerary real quick: (auto train to Florida), Florida resort (Sat.-Tues), Disney World (Wed.) Disney Camp Ground (Tues- Sat.), Rubyhouse Ranch (Sat-Sun)....this is 8 people including traveling with  a new born (and I'm still breastfeeding). Side bar: i love my husband...but geez,I's tired. Needless to say, all that thinking led me back to writing about my experiences,  those lessons learned and unlearned. But before I returned, I thought it best that I make these rules (I just had to make some boundaries for this thing as I have a compulsive/perfectionist component to my personality lol):
-I will not  beat myself up, if I don't get to write a blog post....or its not "Deep" Life happens!  If I get to write one cool...if not, I say this as I am currently trying to win the battle  between me and my 7 month old as she is trying to steal my computer, Oh Well!

-I will continue to write, rather people click on the link or not.  My experiences are mine, and though insight can be gained from them...they are mine....it's okay if some things are relatable and some things aren't.

-I'm not perfect. The God inside of me is...however, I do not always follow his voice or his instructions immediately....so I make mistakes here and there lol...I am not perfect, but my heart is willing to learn, to fail, and to get back up again.

Welcome back to IAMNEWLYWED...the journey continues! Did you figure out how to have 6 children in 3 years?!