Green Tea's wedding 198

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

How to use Memories from your relationships to your advantage!

 I can say that the past week has been like a roller coaster....so much so that last week slipped without me writing my weekly IAMNEWLYWED post....so here it goes. Forgive me. It's late, but it's here.

Throughout the chaos of dealing with my children and their attitudes and repeating myself over and over, I found that during my drives to and from teaching exercise classes, I would break into little giggles. I found myself smiling here and there.

Memories. 

I began smiling and laughing at the memories my husband and I created before we were married and during our first years of marriage. In the chaos, I used my mind to time travel and remember the joys in our union....in getting to know one another. Instead of continuously focusing on the kids and what they were and or were not during....I switched gears.

-Riding a bike over the San Franisco Golden Gate Bridge....a tour that was supposed to take 1 hr took 3 hrs.... then we attended a play later that evening...I couldn't even walk because of the bike ride (pre-inshape days lol).

-Taking a flight to Las Vegas  a day early (in the wee hours in the morn) because it saved money...not realizing how tired we'd be...we  ordered wings and sat and played scrabble at the bar lol. I think i fell asleep.

- Biking 24 miles and having lunch

-Going to see Prince in NJ and at the end we walked an hour in the cold because we couldn't find the car lol. It's funny now but it wasn't funny then.

-Doing Ziplines together...I almost didn't make it lol I was scared.....but my boo had my back!

Memories.

I could go on and on and on. I have realized that what we choose to focus on, expands. When I choose to focus on great memories, there was a reservoir of joy and happiness that overtook the frustration that I was feeling.

I keep my memories as they are silver linings for trying situations. I encourage you to use your memories and share them with your mate and  rehash them. Sometimes stuff gets difficult but its nothing like remembering the foundation and love that you have for one another.




Friday, April 18, 2014

Should You Consider Your In-laws BEFORE Choosing a Mate?!

Throughout my adult life, I've heard numerous stories about relationships and marriages being ruined because of either the person's parents and or other family members.  Because of this, one of the things that I took into high consideration as it concerns my selection of my mate, his family.

I remember writing on my "what I want in a mate list"  specifics about his relationship with his family.  Even when I dated people and were considering them as life partners, I analyzed their relationships with their families and how they functioned as a family. I remember I was dating this one guy and his family was hilarious, but they also got down as it concerned partying, alcohol, and marijuana. These are things that I don't particularly enjoy being around, nor did I want my future children to be around....but that's just me. Now, I'm not throwing any shade. I grew up around alcoholism and drugs, and  so it's priority for me to protect my family and not have them experience the same things I did.

 Now, when I was dating my husband, I went around his family a lot and he came around mine as well. I think its important during  the dating and courting period that both sides experience each others families, if you are considering them as a serious contender (now i don't advise you bring everyone home lol). I was there for major holidays, church, volunteering events, etc. I made sure I had enough data to make a wise choice. Now as a whole, I know I'm unique. I laugh loud,  have quirky ways, and love joking etc. It was important to me to just be myself and not put on the  "I'm around his parents" type air. I didn't want any surprises after the wedding like, I didn't know you were like that. lol.

Overall,  while we  were dating, I decided I really enjoyed being around his family and that I could deal with his family for the rest of my life (very important).  In fact, I looked forward to going over his parent's house and spending time with them. His mom and dad were  and are not overbearing parents and they respect their son's adulthood and decision making. We are able talk about different things and move on. I love his family, my family, because they considered me.   This is how I knew I was in the family before being in the family. I was there one Easter  (pre-marriage)and my hubby's aunt made some deviled eggs that had relish in them. I couldn't eat them because I'm allergic to cucumbers, etc. The next family dinner event, his aunt told me she had special eggs for me in the fridge, deviled eggs without the relish:) Wee hee! Something that simple was monumental! Now, you can't remove me from this family even if you tried.  Now married and in the family, we have had some disagreements, but we have always come full circle and I believe it's because of the foundation that was set prior to the marriage.

The foundation of really knowing your mate's parents and family is soooo important. When you explore current relationships most times it can give you some foresight of how it will be in the future. Don't ignore any signs and or minimize this issue. I believe that if his family was always in our mix or important business...probably wouldn't have lasted.....just unnecessary stress. Now, can your relationship make it with jacked up in-laws....yup...I'm just saying its a bit easier when they aren't jacked up lol.

Before we were married, we established the following principles.
WE  ( my husband and I )COME FIRST
WE  (my husband and I ) COME BEFORE OUR MOTHERS, FATHERS, SISTER, BROTHERS, etc
WE (my husband and I) MAY CONSIDER FAMILY, BUT WE HAVE THE FINAL RULE





Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I'm Dating a Married Man! #Gluttony

A month or so ago I purchased a married man some tickets to an event called, #Gluttony, that was hosted by a premiere supper club called Arcane.  He did not know what to expect and neither did I but we went and had a blast. The concept, the artistry, the food, the fashion, the people....just awesome. I even saw Mr. White from Breaking Bad in the building. Everything was seamed together perfectly and then there was the music.

The music gave me life.  I was so in love with the DJ's mixes and I was also in love with the way this married man was watching me on the dance floor. I was oblivious to another man that  was watching me as well. He later proceeded to dance with me while I was slow winding to a reggae song. I watched as the married man watched the guy try to dance with me and then I noticed that the married man had walked away.

Hmm...I came there with the married man. Nonetheless, I danced a little with the guy, but kept my distance as reggae can become intense. The guy eventually got the message and walked off.

Later on I saw the married guy again watching me and so I went up to him and danced with him. I was like where did you go...he went to go get more food. I thought he was gonna save me when I was dancing with the other guy but instead he laughed and told me he thought it was funny...after all, he knows me.

Yes, this married man knows me all too well. I am his wife. Most importantly, I am his wife and yet I am still dating him and exploring our relationship. Now, I don't think we've ever been in a situation like that before ...a guy tries to grind or whatever...nor have we ever talked about what we do in that situation... but the fact that he was at ease and said "I know you." had me beaming the entire night. It's nothing like your man being confident and secure in what he has in his woman.  So yeah, I'm dating a married man:) and I'm loving every minute of it.