What R &B Sensation, Kindred the Family Soul, Can Teach Us About Sex, Music, & Family

I'm always seeking to learn. Always. I think that the willingness to learn and increase your skill and information base is the ingredient that separates the average from above average.... the ordinary from the extra-ordinary. So, I was lead to search for people who are happily married, pursuing their dreams, while simultaneously building their families. I thought, they exist, right?!! Where are they?!!  What are the ingredients that they're using for their success?!! Let's share it with the world right?! So I sought out my first celebrity interview with Kindred the Family Soul..and here's what they had to say...

Iamnewlywed: I remember first seeing you all performing at a summer block party in Philadelphia on the same bill with a group called United Soul (now Ucity) in 2000, which was over 13/14 years ago. How much of your life has changed since then (music, family, relationships)?

Kindred the Family Soul: Everything and not much. Of course now we are 4 albums in, six children and traveled all over the world but the goals are the same. Make great music, be good to each other, raise a healthy family.

Iamnewlywed: Kindred the Family Soul is a successful R & B duo in the music industry with longevity (recently celebrating 10 years in the industry), what are some of the lessons that you've learned as a result of having a career in music?

Kindred the Family Soul: Business is not always so kind to creativity. You must be grateful and patient. What is for you is for you, comparing your career to others is a big mistake. Be an expert at being you.

Iamnewlywed: What is it like to balance individual life/dreams, marriage life/dreams, family life/dreams, and music/ dreams? Does one suffer at the expense of another?

Kindred the Family Soul:   There are moments when you must prioritize as in any persons life. We try to be practical and communicate with each other and our children so no one feels slighted. There are times when we all have been disappointed but we are committed to each other and find ways to take up the slack.

Iamnewlywed: How have you been able to maintain your relationship, your music, and your family?

Kindred the Family Soul:  prayers, the prayers of others. God's grace and mercy. Patience. Arguments. Forgiveness. Love. Desire.

Iamnewlywed: On Instagram, we see postings of your children singing, having birthdays, school shopping, and enjoying their childhood. How many children do you have, what are their age ranges, and how do you maintain a sense of connectedness and normalcy while adhering to the demands of your tour schedules?

Kindred the Family Soul: Six. 3 to 14. We talk to them...a lot. We enjoy their company. We discipline them. We try to help them understand that this is "our" normal. Some parents go to an office, we sing. Mostly God blessed us with awesome kids. Flawed, funny,smart,loving, awesome freakin kids.

Iamnewlywed:What are the 10 major ingredients to your relationship that has led you to a successful marriage?

Kindred the Family Soul: Patience, Forgiveness, Kindness, Passion, Faith, Commitment, Laughter, Strength, honesty, Sacrifice All have been learned and we still struggle with some of them. but they are essential and we know it.

Iamenewlywed: Reminiscing on your newlywed state, what are the top 5 things people need to know before entering a marriage?

Kindred the Family Soul: You will have major challenges that you cannot predict so be patient when they arrive. You can do it. Make your own rules. Listen. Take accountability.

Iamnewlywed: Fatin, what are the things men need to know? Aja, what are the things women need to know?

Kindred the Family Soul: Make no expectations that are not based in conversation and agreement with your spouse. Make it short and sweet but clear and to the point
Love him up...always
Never underestimate the power of lack of sex to destroy your relationship

Iamnewlywed:You have total of 4 albums: Surrender to Love, In This Life Together, The Arrival, and Love Has No Recession, and if you had to choose, what album/ song is your favorite, and for what reason?

Kindred the Family Soul: Don't have a favorite. Love them all equal and for different reasons

Iamnewlywed: What do you want your supporters to take from your music?

Kindred the Family Soul: Honesty, relatability, and inspiration

Iamnewlywed:You are conquering music and family life, so what else can we expect from Kindred the Family Soul in 2014?What's next?

Kindred the Family Soul: Community service

Iamnewlywed:What legacy would you like to leave behind for your supporters and for your children?

Kindred the Family Soul: Use your art/ experience to inspire your life and and others 

Thank you Kindred the Family Soul for these jewels. All I can say is that the wisdom shared in this interview is priceless.  It was truly an honor interviewing Kindred the Family Soul. Please go out and support them by purchasing their albums,  attending their concerts, and following them on social media. Check out their website at www.Kindredthefamilysoul.com and get their albums on iTunes:)

Also, what were the jewels and nuggues that shined brightly to you?! I would love to hear your thoughts and insight!

Here's a couple of mine:  The way my family is...is our "normal."
"Never underestimate the power of lack of sex in destroying a relationship"....  wow!

What are some of yours?!!

When pregnancy goes wrong.

I remember like it was yesterday. I had just graduated from undergrad, University of Pittsburgh (hail

Pitt!)... which by far was a joyous occasion and yet a sad one. Joyous because I'd survived my last semester and sad because it didn't include my first love (my first serious boyfriend and I had broken up).  Nonetheless, he came up for my graduation and we had sex (I thought that "making love" meant we were getting back together...naive). I can remember a conversation with my girlfriend ...her telling me to count 14 days since the end of my last cycle and arriving at the conclusion that I'm ovulating. The remedy: student health center for the morning after pill.

Memorial Day. I realize this tingling sensation in my boobs won't go away. I find out I'm pregnant. I'm 21 yrs old.

8 weeks and one day. The doctors can't find my baby's heartbeat.Miscarried. My world shattered.

It's one thing to find out your pregnant and it's unplanned, but it's another feeling to accept your foolish decisions and accept the idea, only to have the rug pulled from under you. But all in all, I dealt with it.  I asked God for forgiveness and dealt with the reality that I may or may not have caused the miscarriage of my child.

Fast forward. I'm married and we're planning to be pregnant. What's amazing is that I realize that as a woman, I didn't like my "period" (cramps), then I worried about when my "period"didn't come (panic if I was having sex) ... And now I'm stressed when my "period" does come (when I see the sight of it, I'm saddened). This sucks period lol (pun intended)!

Miscarriages steal life and I don't believe they are the will of God. Furthermore, they try to etch pain in your memory to hold you down from the future. Often times when I get my "period" the past of miscarriage tries to speak to me and discourage me.... Thank God for the confidence in His word that I'm forgiven and for a husband who knows my past as well as my future (it's important).

This last time when I was saddened and in tears at the sight of my period , my husband held me and said, "don't worry sweets, God knows what He's doing."

I received what he said like it was medicine to my soul. To everyone who has ever had a miscarriage this is for you. God loves you and don't  allow it to speak to and or hinder your future.  

Sex Before Marriage

I remember being single and how much I talked about sex...like why would God say no premarital sex when I'm such a sexual being...the rules i put in place so as to obstain from sex before marriage...the times I'd fallen and failed To resist it.All that. The guilt. The passion. All that. I remember sex before marriage.

Now I'm married. I'm supposed to be sexin  out of my mind, right?

I'm def not sexin out of my mind. We have sex but not as often as I'd like (because of me) and I have guilt because of it. In fact, one of my goals for 2014 is to have more sex... because my husband loves it and needs it.

More than anything marriage has made me aware of what sex means to my husband and what it means to me.

Personally, Sex for me is not a necessity. I like it and I enjoy it (Mr. yum yum puts it down lol), but for me, I love cuddling and being nestled in my husbands arm.. Laughing and talking... That's sex to me. When I was single and having sex... It was a way for me to have someone hold me... Quality time... It wasn't for the sex.

Now, sex for my husband is one of the ways he loves to express his love. Ha ha love is prob an understatement. He needs it too for his mental health... Two days without some yum yum lawd is like pms for him. I love that I know him so well.

We have different meanings and needs as it concerns sex, that's obvious, but it's important to be aware of what sex means  to each other. Cause sex after marriage is not about you. It's about your mate. It's about love. Once you find out what sex means to your mate, the love in your heart for them makes you want to rise to the occasion and please them. 

How to Make Room for "You" This Year!

This year's in full effect and it's already moving so fast. We're in the 2nd week of January, my kids resumed school this past Monday, I have my vision board completed, yet there's so much to do. My mind is swarming with all of my dreams and goals for this year, along with life's demand's and things that need to be done with my husband, my family, etc. I've been so busy trying get so much done... scheduling doctor's appointments, following up with my kid's schools, I forgot about including moments for myself.

It's amazing that yesterday, when I was sending an e-mail to my greenteasoul zumba army (fitness club) about attending their zumba sessions,  I told them to  PUT IN PEN (not pencil), A Date for Themselves...schedule  time in their agenda's, phone calendars, and block it out as unavailable. We do it for everything else, work, church, seminars, school, etc; however, we normally don't apply the same principle as it concerns ourselves.   Why is that?! We do everything for everybody else and then by the time we're finished, we're spent and have no energy left for ourselves. It leaves us drained and frustrated. Bump that lol!  My e-mail to them was a reminder to myself, "What time have you scheduled so that "You" are included in your day?" Blank Stare. I had none scheduled. So what happens when you don't purposefully schedule time for yourself. Time dissipates just like sand thru the hour glass and before you know it the day is over.

So I've decided, that there's no time like the present to get it going.  I'm not going to go thru the motions and get lost living and doing the operations of life. Instead, I'm going take moments to breathe, feel, and be life. Plus, with so much going own, a pause for the cause is essential, for our mental health. So here we go.

1. Write a list of at least 5-7 things that bring you joy that can be done 1-5 mins.
Depending on your schedule, you could have longer times to spare, just start with "some time" and stick to it.

My list:
-write one thing that you're thankful for: a moment to appreciate one thing makes me smile and laugh and lets me know...life isn't bad

-light a candle/spray a home spray mist/air freshener - smell -it  it's something about a great smell that just takes me to another place:) Aromotherapy:)

-identify a song that you love - sing it or dance to it- singing and dancing always brings me joy!

-take a walk around the block and look up at the sky and trees- I love nature and appreciate beauty

-find youtube clips that make you laugh- right now my thing is to search for laughing babies- they tickle my socks   (laughter is medicine)

-hot tea moment: have a cup of hot tea and just breathe:)

- make something:): sometimes drawing, crocheting, a cartoon:) just makes me happy

2. Now schedule your time:) what specific time will your me time be? Put it in your phone, your outlook email calendar:) and set a reminder:)

I like the mornings or middays but everyone is different.  This week I'm going for 9:30 am:) Remember its only 1-5 minutes to start:)


3. Plot your list in your calendar during the scheduled time  You can doing something different everyday, or do one thing daily for a week...

 here's my list
Tues:  write one thing I'm thankful for:)

Wed: candle/mist  (i''mma add looking at my paris calendar:)  while i'm doing my aromatherapy

Thurs: song that I love

Fri: Walk

Sat: laugh at Baby Youtube clips

4. No social media or phone interruptions during your date... (this is the date with you)


5. Do it and stay committed:) and notice the difference:)

I would love to hear some of your ideas for your simple 1-5 min joys:) that way we can switch it up:) so let me hear your ideas and what you're going to do:)

How to Make the Most Out of this Year with Kids, Jobs, & Relationships!

I've always been one who believes in writing down dreams, goals, and aspirations. I do this multiple times a year: at the end of the year/start of a new year, mid-year, etc. I just write. No matter how far fetched it seems I write out all of the things I'd like to accomplish. So for 2013, my family and I did our goals at least 2x last year. At the top of the year and before school started.

Here's the pre-cursor work before you make the most out of this year.

1. Evaluate your year?!! What have you accomplished out of the things that you had previously written down?
What's the point of writing it down  from year to year and not looking to see what you've actually accomplished. So, before the start of each year, I evaluate the things that I've written down the previous year. I even check them off:) (I love a line or a check thru something) What things did I actually accomplish from the things I had written to accomplish in 2013. I accomplished all but two.-- I didn't finish the book I'm writing and I didn't go horse back riding. Ha! I couldn't believe it!  All the others: Zumba Certified, Zumba instructor, Buddy Exercise individual sessions, G.I.G Cookies (more), read more books, write, pray, sing, bed and breakfasts, beach, teach more Step Classes & Fitness classes, Happier house, better relationship with my kids, better relationship with kid's mom, and to have two more children--- Accomplished them all. Woo Hoo! (you'd be amazed that on my board that in addition to my 3 children, I had two children one (from my womb) and the other a cousin or someone who would need help). Ha ha ..I don't have the children from my womb just yet but I do have two additional children lol. Go Figure!

Evaluating your progress is a reminder of all the things that you have the ability to do and you areas of improvement. It's also a confidence and self esteem builder. Helps you to evaluate what goals you want to keep or shed.

2.  What additional things did you accomplish that you didn't write down.
This is my first year doing this. I normally focus on the things that I had written down, but for some reason at the top of this year, 2014, I had an inkling to write down all of my accomplishments that weren't on my 2013 list. Lawd, the list! I didn't even realize how much I had accomplished last year. In fact, I recall several times throughout the year  complaining that  I wasn't doing all that I wanted to do, to which my husband always had puzzled looks lol! After writing this list!! Girl Shut up!
Husband, from 3 to 5 kids, two cats, and one dog, 2nd year in marriage-- here's my list:)

Certified R.I.P.P.E.D Instructor, worked with PR marketing group for 6 months, Monthly Women Fellowships, Made new Friends, Stretch Instructor, Rode ATVs, Never Be the Blame Video Released (7,500k hits), video features (Okay Player etc), Weight Maintenance since 2010, Date Night Tuesdays, I AM Newly wed blog,  Wammie nomination, new house, Love Chronicles of Superman Trilogy released, DNA Ancestry, rode an elephant, completed rebel race, camping, SOFCC praise and worship leader, zip lining, India Arie Concert, Lionel Ritchie Concert, Kanye West & Kendrick Lamar Concert,  Wayna Concert, updated website, 3rd annual grocery give away, family pictures, solo gigs and performances, tree trimming parties, unified at least 5 adoptees with their biological parents, (provided treats and singing),  Terrapin Adventures hikes and obstacle courses,  attended the Grammys, volunteered grammy dc chapter, etc.

Writing this stuff down, lets me know all the possibilities and how much we can do with the time we have:) and it takes away all the excuses...also, highlighted how much I underestimate the positives and accomplishments in my life.

Now that the pre-work is done for right now, now lets make the most of this year. After you've patted yourself on the back for your other accomplishments, its time to write down your goals for 2014:)

3. Write down everything you'd like to accomplish this year....from minuscule to far fetched ( though I really don't believe anything is far fetched).
It's something about when you write something down. I firmly believe its etched in your memory bank and in your subconscious. Plus, I feel like you can accomplish more things when you remember to write them down. Also, I'm realizing, my thoughts come so fast that if I don't write them down, I forget them and have missed out on an opportunity to make the most of my time.

“When you write down your ideas you automatically focus your full attention on them. Few if any of us can write one thought and think another at the same time. Thus a pencil and paper make excellent concentration tools.”

Michael Leboeuf. 

4.  Draw pictures or cut out pictures (its my favorite part) and rewrite your list on a board.
I tend to group mine into sections: health & wellness, music, family, Spirituality , Business/Creativity, and My Marriage:) Its something about rewriting and writing things more than once. I firmly believe the more you rewrite and form a picture of it, the more it gets etched into your memory and subconscious.

5. Tell your close friends and family.
I am very selective about who I share my aspirations with though I believe that you should constantly talk and verbalize your hopes with your biggest supporters. My best friend is my husband:) so I show him everything. I find that it makes it easier later in the year when he's like when did you want to start doing that...I can refer to my visual list...and he also keeps me focused, accountable, and on track. ...or if I add some other stuff ...he keeps me in check like hey that's not on the list...one might have to give. This also helps to set boundaries as to reasons why you may not be able to engage in other things at the time...because your working on something.

6.  Do  It:) and revisit your list as often as you can. Take it one day at a time:)...and see if you can do something daily towards your goals (all the little steps add up)

This is how I made the the most of 2013...by accident lol...this year, 2014, I will be doing it intentionally. Having kids, jobs, hobbies,  and or relationships... don't stop no show...you just become more creative at getting it done!!