I remember like it was yesterday. I had just graduated from undergrad, University of Pittsburgh (hail
Pitt!)... which by far was a joyous occasion and yet a sad one. Joyous because I'd survived my last semester and sad because it didn't include my first love (my first serious boyfriend and I had broken up). Nonetheless, he came up for my graduation and we had sex (I thought that "making love" meant we were getting back together...naive). I can remember a conversation with my girlfriend ...her telling me to count 14 days since the end of my last cycle and arriving at the conclusion that I'm ovulating. The remedy: student health center for the morning after pill.
Memorial Day. I realize this tingling sensation in my boobs won't go away. I find out I'm pregnant. I'm 21 yrs old.
8 weeks and one day. The doctors can't find my baby's heartbeat.Miscarried. My world shattered.
It's one thing to find out your pregnant and it's unplanned, but it's another feeling to accept your foolish decisions and accept the idea, only to have the rug pulled from under you. But all in all, I dealt with it. I asked God for forgiveness and dealt with the reality that I may or may not have caused the miscarriage of my child.
Fast forward. I'm married and we're planning to be pregnant. What's amazing is that I realize that as a woman, I didn't like my "period" (cramps), then I worried about when my "period"didn't come (panic if I was having sex) ... And now I'm stressed when my "period" does come (when I see the sight of it, I'm saddened). This sucks period lol (pun intended)!
Miscarriages steal life and I don't believe they are the will of God. Furthermore, they try to etch pain in your memory to hold you down from the future. Often times when I get my "period" the past of miscarriage tries to speak to me and discourage me.... Thank God for the confidence in His word that I'm forgiven and for a husband who knows my past as well as my future (it's important).
This last time when I was saddened and in tears at the sight of my period , my husband held me and said, "don't worry sweets, God knows what He's doing."
I received what he said like it was medicine to my soul. To everyone who has ever had a miscarriage this is for you. God loves you and don't allow it to speak to and or hinder your future.
I LOVE THIS!!! There should be a forum where people share their stories of miscarriage. Many women feel isolated and dysfunctional when it does. It would be good for them to know they are not alone.
ReplyDeleteyes indeedy...its the elephant that's not talked about.... no matter the situation its still a loss...def needs to be a network out there to support women to get back up!
DeleteLove this post...
ReplyDeletethanks for taking the time out to read:) so appreciate it:)
DeleteHonest. Real. Authentic. Thank you for posting this. I miscarried around 8 weeks too when we first got married so I can certainly relate...
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful! Having miscarried in July 2013 I can totally relate to your emotions. Miscarriage, aside from being such a taboo subject, is a hard thing to heal from because you will never forget that life that was once a part of you. But in my season of going through it God taught me a lot about continuing to press into Him, believing that His timing is ALWAYS perfect; There are things we MUST have and will do above and beyond what He has told us to do to get that "thing" when sometimes he's asking us to be still. Don't stress. Don't grow weary. Don't lose faith. I blog at removethemakeup.com where being transparent (removing the makeup) is my platform. I battled for about a month over if I should share my story or not and then God reminded me of the very message I use to encourage others and that's to share your story! So seeing this post absolutely warms my heart because my prayer is that everyone will get to a place of transparency, sharing how they experienced God in and out of the different seasons of life! What I love about Gods grace is that it never ceases. I am expecting my second son May 2014; God continues to leave me speechless. Take care ladies and #pressOn!
ReplyDelete-Caneeka