Throughout my adult life, I've heard numerous stories about relationships and marriages being ruined because of either the person's parents and or other family members. Because of this, one of the things that I took into high consideration as it concerns my selection of my mate, his family.
I remember writing on my "what I want in a mate list" specifics about his relationship with his family. Even when I dated people and were considering them as life partners, I analyzed their relationships with their families and how they functioned as a family. I remember I was dating this one guy and his family was hilarious, but they also got down as it concerned partying, alcohol, and marijuana. These are things that I don't particularly enjoy being around, nor did I want my future children to be around....but that's just me. Now, I'm not throwing any shade. I grew up around alcoholism and drugs, and so it's priority for me to protect my family and not have them experience the same things I did.
Now, when I was dating my husband, I went around his family a lot and he came around mine as well. I think its important during the dating and courting period that both sides experience each others families, if you are considering them as a serious contender (now i don't advise you bring everyone home lol). I was there for major holidays, church, volunteering events, etc. I made sure I had enough data to make a wise choice. Now as a whole, I know I'm unique. I laugh loud, have quirky ways, and love joking etc. It was important to me to just be myself and not put on the "I'm around his parents" type air. I didn't want any surprises after the wedding like, I didn't know you were like that. lol.
Overall, while we were dating, I decided I really enjoyed being around his family and that I could deal with his family for the rest of my life (very important). In fact, I looked forward to going over his parent's house and spending time with them. His mom and dad were and are not overbearing parents and they respect their son's adulthood and decision making. We are able talk about different things and move on. I love his family, my family, because they considered me. This is how I knew I was in the family before being in the family. I was there one Easter (pre-marriage)and my hubby's aunt made some deviled eggs that had relish in them. I couldn't eat them because I'm allergic to cucumbers, etc. The next family dinner event, his aunt told me she had special eggs for me in the fridge, deviled eggs without the relish:) Wee hee! Something that simple was monumental! Now, you can't remove me from this family even if you tried. Now married and in the family, we have had some disagreements, but we have always come full circle and I believe it's because of the foundation that was set prior to the marriage.
The foundation of really knowing your mate's parents and family is soooo important. When you explore current relationships most times it can give you some foresight of how it will be in the future. Don't ignore any signs and or minimize this issue. I believe that if his family was always in our mix or important business...probably wouldn't have lasted.....just unnecessary stress. Now, can your relationship make it with jacked up in-laws....yup...I'm just saying its a bit easier when they aren't jacked up lol.
Before we were married, we established the following principles.
WE ( my husband and I )COME FIRST
WE (my husband and I ) COME BEFORE OUR MOTHERS, FATHERS, SISTER, BROTHERS, etc
WE (my husband and I) MAY CONSIDER FAMILY, BUT WE HAVE THE FINAL RULE
I remember writing on my "what I want in a mate list" specifics about his relationship with his family. Even when I dated people and were considering them as life partners, I analyzed their relationships with their families and how they functioned as a family. I remember I was dating this one guy and his family was hilarious, but they also got down as it concerned partying, alcohol, and marijuana. These are things that I don't particularly enjoy being around, nor did I want my future children to be around....but that's just me. Now, I'm not throwing any shade. I grew up around alcoholism and drugs, and so it's priority for me to protect my family and not have them experience the same things I did.
Now, when I was dating my husband, I went around his family a lot and he came around mine as well. I think its important during the dating and courting period that both sides experience each others families, if you are considering them as a serious contender (now i don't advise you bring everyone home lol). I was there for major holidays, church, volunteering events, etc. I made sure I had enough data to make a wise choice. Now as a whole, I know I'm unique. I laugh loud, have quirky ways, and love joking etc. It was important to me to just be myself and not put on the "I'm around his parents" type air. I didn't want any surprises after the wedding like, I didn't know you were like that. lol.
Overall, while we were dating, I decided I really enjoyed being around his family and that I could deal with his family for the rest of my life (very important). In fact, I looked forward to going over his parent's house and spending time with them. His mom and dad were and are not overbearing parents and they respect their son's adulthood and decision making. We are able talk about different things and move on. I love his family, my family, because they considered me. This is how I knew I was in the family before being in the family. I was there one Easter (pre-marriage)and my hubby's aunt made some deviled eggs that had relish in them. I couldn't eat them because I'm allergic to cucumbers, etc. The next family dinner event, his aunt told me she had special eggs for me in the fridge, deviled eggs without the relish:) Wee hee! Something that simple was monumental! Now, you can't remove me from this family even if you tried. Now married and in the family, we have had some disagreements, but we have always come full circle and I believe it's because of the foundation that was set prior to the marriage.
The foundation of really knowing your mate's parents and family is soooo important. When you explore current relationships most times it can give you some foresight of how it will be in the future. Don't ignore any signs and or minimize this issue. I believe that if his family was always in our mix or important business...probably wouldn't have lasted.....just unnecessary stress. Now, can your relationship make it with jacked up in-laws....yup...I'm just saying its a bit easier when they aren't jacked up lol.
Before we were married, we established the following principles.
WE ( my husband and I )COME FIRST
WE (my husband and I ) COME BEFORE OUR MOTHERS, FATHERS, SISTER, BROTHERS, etc
WE (my husband and I) MAY CONSIDER FAMILY, BUT WE HAVE THE FINAL RULE
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