I remember pulling the door handle and it not giving. My 12 passenger truck was locked. Words can't truly describe the sinking feeling of having locked my baby in the truck.The feelings of desperation and helplessness. My baby crying. Me going from side to side frantically peering thru the windows trying to command my mind to think rationally and not be overwhelmed with my emotions. I called my husband and tho I was totally freaked out, he was cool. His voice was calm, but then came the question, "so how did this happen?" In that quick instant, I studdered as those negative thoughts were firing like a semi automatic weapon. Thoughts: how could you be so stupid ... What kind of mother are you...you're gonna scar her for life..you don't deserve to be her mother. All of this going on in my brain while trying to keep my composure and answer the question. I answered, "it happened because I accidently stepped on the keychain (the lock) while putting her and the stroller in the truck and then I reached over, started the truck , turned the air on, hopped out of the truck, and proceeded to get in the drivers seat.
My heart stopped. Time stopped when I pulled the door and gained no entry. My husband called the police while I fought against my emotions and did my best to stay calm. I called my girlfriend and she was in route to drive to my house to get my spare keys. The police arrive. I'm pacing around the car doing my best to not burst into tears. The police officer's silver thing to jimmy the lock didn't work, but he provided these words. "Look at the bright side. It could be worse."
-Yes you locked her in the car, but at least you had the air on.
-You have a friend who lives nearby and is on the way with a set of spare keys.
-Don't add any extra toppings to the beating you've already given yourself.
-She's okay and you're ok.
Wow. Shift. The situation was still the same but I could see the silver lining. Yes, I made a mistake, but things could be worse. I didn't have to accept the negative thoughts. I didn't have to add extra toppings to this guilt sundae. It's a choice to take on the negativity. It's a choice to continue to beat yourself up about your mistakes. Then as if right on cue, my giggly girlfriend and her corale of children came and delivered my spare keys. Not only was their arrival a breath of fresh air but their very countenance was medicine to my soul. I saw smiles and heard laughter, a reminder of how quickly a moment can shift from desperation to happiness. I got in the car & cried tears of joy and acceptance that I made & survived the terrible awful mistake. I thought when I entered the truck I would rush to my baby's side, like she would woo sah that mommy arrived. She was sleep. I let her sleep. She didn't have a clue what was going on... This slumber was her normal nap time.. Her cry earlier was her normal pre-sleep cry...
I'll never forget the terrible awful mistake, nor will I be adding extra toppings to a guilt sundae. We're Good.
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