Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?

Over the past weekend, I hosted our sisters support circle, where every 3rd Sunday, a  diverse group of women come together to talk about different issues. Everyone's so intelligent and has a unique perspective that I learn and improve my life each time we meet.

Although the topic was on purpose and dreams, we touched on so many other topics, that we didn't even finish.  What hit home for me was the little side bar about friends.  It stemmed from an article, The Top 5 Regrets (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dyingwhere the article talks about people's regrets before dying.) 

One of the regrets was that "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

I mentioned in an earlier blog posting called friends and marriage, how  I thought my friendships  were changing.But the phrasing of that regret,  I wish I had stayed in contact with my friends, hit home. It put the ownership of my connections on me. It reminded me of what my mother said when I asked her about friends and marriage.  She said, "some friendships in adulthood change, but friendships in adulthood aren't hard, they just take more work." A wise woman, but don't tell her I said that :)So i asked myself,Have I been doing my best to connect with my friends?  Am i in tune with the opportunities presented to connect?No. I'm a person of easiness, so i tend to avoid things that require work.

My idea of friendships "in my head" is that of the movies and books... The easiness of long girl talk coffee house sessions, trips to exotic places, knowing the ends and outs about everyone's lives... Basically, relationships that don't take work... Just easy like Sunday morning. But the reality is that me focusing on what friendships looked like "in my head" made me discount my friendships and see them as superficial.  I equated friendships with being easy going and requiring no effort. I didn't realize what I have. I was so busy focusing on my friends not reaching out to me that I didn't even realize that I wasn't reaching out to them as often as I could. I didnt realize the opportunities i had to redeem lost time because i was consumed with "their" lack of effort. The rapper Common said, "relationship is effort but I will match your work." Where is my effort?

I asked myself, how bad do I really want the relationships or connections. Am i willing to change, "I'm not a phone person, to being a phone person to get the connection i desire?" Am i asking about their lives?Just little stuff like that. How bad do I really want it?

I know I don't want to be on my death bed, regretting not keeping in contact with my friends. Instead, I want to say I'm glad that I kept in contact with my friends...and have them at my side. Sidebar: ain't nobody dying... Aiin't nobody got time for that... Rather be raptured lol

I'm just sayin... Whew a chestful