Sunday Morning, Family, Church & Trayvon Martin

Today started off....just weird First of all last night, I had several dreams intertwined that were definitely troublesome. I don't remember all of them but I probably should have written them down when I awoke this morning. The bit that I do remember involved a great uncle that I never met before ( but just heard of)...something related to death.... it was just weird. Next time, I'll try to remember to write my dreams down as soon as I wake up, but I was rushing this morning (which I hate especially when I have to lead Praise and Worship).  I had a little residue of those troublesome dreams but I pressed on. Got myself together, kids, hubby, and had just enough time to feed the dog and the cats (sure which they could feed themselves this morning lol). In the car, I continue to prepare  myself to lead praise and worship for the congregation (I normally replay the song a million times lol...go over and over etc...warm ups.. write notes...i get nervous sometimes)  when I heard the news on the radio that the jury had found George Zimmerman not guilty in the Trayvon Martin case. I screamed in the car. Complete Horror. I saw the look on my husbands face...the instant anger and disappointment. His response was, "I guess I need to tell the boys now that when a white man is chasing them to not defend themselves because they could end up dead and the attacker would go free," etc. I was definitely upset with a flood of emotions, but I told my husband that now isn't the time to have the conversation....with those first emotions of anger....especially with the kids.  I tried to just go on....but I couldn't act like what I had heard hadn't hurt or affected me emotionally.

It did. However, I had a job to do. For my family, I definitely wanted to find a way to talk about it once we, the parents, processed our anger and or other negative feelings so that we can properly present and explain it to our boys and baby girl. I remember my husband saying..."this changes how I have to raise my boys. The outcome of the verdict changes how I have to raise my sons." It was then at that moment ...that I began to think about what song I as going to sing for praise and worship. How the congregation's spirit may be heavy. I just heard God in my spirit say, no matter what, we don't change. Things are going to come and challenge us...but we don't change our beliefs based upon the outcome of the situations. We are spiritually mature and we are not ruled by the things of this world....thats all I heard.  So that's what I went in to lead praise and worship with...those were my words of comfort. We are spiritually mature and we are not moved by the things of this world. There are going to be many injustices in this life...but we can't be moved and change up. Praise and Worship was awesome and I truly sensed that there was garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.

On the way home from church, my husband and I talked about it some more, as we had diff opinions as it concerned what the sermon should have been about.... i think my husband thought that the church should have addressed it..... I on the other hand, did not feel it was necessary.  So we both gave support for our premise. We articulated our thoughts...and I  must say that I enjoy these moments because discussing it stretches us to think and consider the others point of view.

There are some moments where I have shifts in my thinking...little spurts of change I guess and this was it. I  expressed to him that I feel that the situation with Trayvon Martin is a tragedy and I pray for the family. In the same respect, I honestly don't know what happened...I just know some of the things that were presented and that someone's child is dead because of it. It saddens me and it hurts. God on the other hand is aware of what happened. George Zimmerman is aware of what happened. Trayvon Martin is aware of what happened, however, he is deceased. And so because I don't know all the facts, I can only trust in God in this instance and let Him be the avenger.

Romans 12:17-21 

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil.j Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.k 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.l 19 Do not take revenge,m my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”d n says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”e o

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I feel thats the only way to not let a seed of distrust, of hate, and anger take root in me and or in my family....especially my children. I don't want to change the way I raise my children and teach them to distrust....I just don't want that. Of course my husband and I will delve into this deeper probably later on tonight so we can come to an agreement as to how to express this with the kids. But above all, this is a situation out of our control....and in this instance we have to trust God and stand on his word regardless of if the verdict goes against what we feel.  I think we have to demonstrate to our children how to navigate this without a little seed of fear, distrust, hate of another race/justice system, developing in them. I have to try to make sure no seed of anger gets rooted in my husband....as he has had enough experiences of discrimination to begin with.

I have to trust God in this situation, pray for the Martin Family, & even for the Zimmerman Family (eek even though I don't FEEL like it...I'mma still pray). I have to pray for my own family and that I will continue to raise my family to do the things of God and trust him regardless of the injustices that come our way. Sigh.