This Trayvon situation twirls in my mind from time to time. Especially, after we had a conversation with the kids last night about what to do if someone follows and or chases you. My daughter said, hopefully you dip yourself in white powder and then you'll be okay. She said that to say that white people get away with stuff. Eek I hate that we have to have these conversations but we did our best to communicate that there are some people who still have hate for the black race and vice versa....its rooted in slavery...etc...the talk and whole nine yards. However, everyone isn't like that. I think we tried to share with the children, to take every experience for its own moment and not combine them together so that we don't end of with strong hate rooted in us. We went over basic emergency procedures in situations in which they aren't sure. Sigh, I don't know if it got thru....that's one of the things as a parent that I'm learning. You do your best and pray that it sticks...and then time will tell. Eek, i think i kinda hate that part...cuz i want to be able to control the outcome and what sticks lol. My youngest son, was like "thats a good conversation." He is the most sarcastic one and if he was in my mother's day...he would surely have been toothless by now..with the stuff that he says.
Anyways, this whole case got me thinking about how we are to even pray for those who we think wronged us and or did wrong. Ha! I always say God has a sense of humor! Let me get this straight, you want me to basically pray for those who I don't like, who erk me, betray me (Jesus and Judeas),who I have feel have done me wrong and or others wrong?! Man.... I remember thinking oh yeah I can do that. I mean prior to being married, I did it repeatedly. I worked with people I didn't like. I had friends that unfriended me and I still was kind throughout the process and it evolved, etc. I'm like yeah I can do that. I mean I have smiled with people I know have talked about me behind my back etc. all that. Prayed the best for boyfriends who did me wrong...all that and a bag of chips. I'm thinking I got this principle. Its in the bag.
But ohhhhhhhh I AM NEWLY WED! Things that I thought I had a grip on needed to be revisited. When I dealt with the situation with my husband's ex-wife. I didn't realize how much stuff I had in me. Lol. I mean I felt like I always had the ghetto Tekeah in me (though no one even believes it)...but it had been dormant for a while. I mean I went in with the intentions of we gonna be cool, praying for her and all, saying hi when being ignored....but this chick wanted no part of it. Like no matter what I did, it didn't work. I kept trying...I mean even before we were married...I would see her and speak (I did this for years) and she would straight carry me and not speak. Sit apart from us when we were at the kids games. Lawd!! But I kept smiling but truth is I was building anger inside. On the inside I'm like this ninja just don't know. All these emotions mixed with different situations...her saying stuff in the emails that was just rude and hurtful. Me, feeling like I have to come back with a thorough rebuttal, because I'm right. I came to the point where I had enough and I took it out of Gods hands... like I got this...I'm quick with words and can cut you like no other (university of pittsburgh education with the combination of being my mother's child is a lethal combination) like umm no prayers for you, I can't stand you. The stuff that she was projecting, the hurt...I was now acting it out which is not me. Remembering that place, I hated where I was and who I had become. I was angry at her and even at my husband for making the ill choice of ever marrying her....and i told him so...i'm like what were you thinking! lawd! I was someone other than the bubbly Tekeah. I remember one of the praise team members at my church, pulled my card....with a simple question, "Do you think God loves her?" Tears fell immediately. Cuz, 1. I hated that she asked that question 2. I hated being wrong, 3.I knew the answer without asking God (though I was obedient and still asked), and 4. I knew what that would mean for me. Sigh. I can remember like it was yesterday.
I had to ask God for forgiveness for not doing what I knew to do regardless of what she did or said. I shouldn't have been moved by her actions no matter if they were good or bad. I know the word...but when it got uncomfortable or when I felt like the word wasn't working fast enough or i was getting punked...then it was justified for me to get in my feelings and do what I wanted to do. I asked God for forgiveness. I was reminded of the many times I have done wrong, failed, and God did not just treat me like trash. He stuck to his word. I had to be honest with him, "you know I don't like the way she acts most times..help me and my heart towards her...help me to love her...help me to believe the best about her." I had to set up a meeting with her and apologize for being combative and for thinking I was better than her...PRIDE. Because I thought I was better than her...like ninja you sinned and I'm not. I sincerely apologized. Then in our house, my family, we prayed for her daily and I said verbally I love her...my family love her...we want the best for her. I think that has helped our relationship transform to be better ..but more importantly..it help me to be in line with making God happy.
I think I am learning... that praying for people you don't like is more for you than it is for them. Its to keep your heart right with God and keep the yucky stuff out so that it doesn't eat you alive. In the case of Zimmerman, I will pray for him too even though I don't like what he did...i can't not allow what he did to transform me into something I'm not. I can even say in my prayers....Lord you know I dont 'like what he did...but I leave it to you. Help me not to be rooted in anger and vindictiveness and pride because of what I think is right and what I feel he deserves.
I'm learning...
Anyways, this whole case got me thinking about how we are to even pray for those who we think wronged us and or did wrong. Ha! I always say God has a sense of humor! Let me get this straight, you want me to basically pray for those who I don't like, who erk me, betray me (Jesus and Judeas),who I have feel have done me wrong and or others wrong?! Man.... I remember thinking oh yeah I can do that. I mean prior to being married, I did it repeatedly. I worked with people I didn't like. I had friends that unfriended me and I still was kind throughout the process and it evolved, etc. I'm like yeah I can do that. I mean I have smiled with people I know have talked about me behind my back etc. all that. Prayed the best for boyfriends who did me wrong...all that and a bag of chips. I'm thinking I got this principle. Its in the bag.
But ohhhhhhhh I AM NEWLY WED! Things that I thought I had a grip on needed to be revisited. When I dealt with the situation with my husband's ex-wife. I didn't realize how much stuff I had in me. Lol. I mean I felt like I always had the ghetto Tekeah in me (though no one even believes it)...but it had been dormant for a while. I mean I went in with the intentions of we gonna be cool, praying for her and all, saying hi when being ignored....but this chick wanted no part of it. Like no matter what I did, it didn't work. I kept trying...I mean even before we were married...I would see her and speak (I did this for years) and she would straight carry me and not speak. Sit apart from us when we were at the kids games. Lawd!! But I kept smiling but truth is I was building anger inside. On the inside I'm like this ninja just don't know. All these emotions mixed with different situations...her saying stuff in the emails that was just rude and hurtful. Me, feeling like I have to come back with a thorough rebuttal, because I'm right. I came to the point where I had enough and I took it out of Gods hands... like I got this...I'm quick with words and can cut you like no other (university of pittsburgh education with the combination of being my mother's child is a lethal combination) like umm no prayers for you, I can't stand you. The stuff that she was projecting, the hurt...I was now acting it out which is not me. Remembering that place, I hated where I was and who I had become. I was angry at her and even at my husband for making the ill choice of ever marrying her....and i told him so...i'm like what were you thinking! lawd! I was someone other than the bubbly Tekeah. I remember one of the praise team members at my church, pulled my card....with a simple question, "Do you think God loves her?" Tears fell immediately. Cuz, 1. I hated that she asked that question 2. I hated being wrong, 3.I knew the answer without asking God (though I was obedient and still asked), and 4. I knew what that would mean for me. Sigh. I can remember like it was yesterday.
I had to ask God for forgiveness for not doing what I knew to do regardless of what she did or said. I shouldn't have been moved by her actions no matter if they were good or bad. I know the word...but when it got uncomfortable or when I felt like the word wasn't working fast enough or i was getting punked...then it was justified for me to get in my feelings and do what I wanted to do. I asked God for forgiveness. I was reminded of the many times I have done wrong, failed, and God did not just treat me like trash. He stuck to his word. I had to be honest with him, "you know I don't like the way she acts most times..help me and my heart towards her...help me to love her...help me to believe the best about her." I had to set up a meeting with her and apologize for being combative and for thinking I was better than her...PRIDE. Because I thought I was better than her...like ninja you sinned and I'm not. I sincerely apologized. Then in our house, my family, we prayed for her daily and I said verbally I love her...my family love her...we want the best for her. I think that has helped our relationship transform to be better ..but more importantly..it help me to be in line with making God happy.
I think I am learning... that praying for people you don't like is more for you than it is for them. Its to keep your heart right with God and keep the yucky stuff out so that it doesn't eat you alive. In the case of Zimmerman, I will pray for him too even though I don't like what he did...i can't not allow what he did to transform me into something I'm not. I can even say in my prayers....Lord you know I dont 'like what he did...but I leave it to you. Help me not to be rooted in anger and vindictiveness and pride because of what I think is right and what I feel he deserves.
I'm learning...
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