I was having the usual date night (Tuesday nights) with the boo and we were talking about friends and being married. More so, I was talking about friends, as I've been in a funk since coming to the realization that since becoming married...my friendships have changed. I think sometimes I just keep going and going and never stop to realize the changes until they just crash like a ton of bricks on my head. Not necessarily the eureka moment that I wanted. In talking with my boo, I finally admitted that I am hurt. Actually, I didn't admit it. It wasn't until tears rolled down my eyes ...that combined with me looking away and him saying, " wow i don't know what its like to have friends that you care that much that you cry,"that I actually acknowledged that I am hurt. The tears fell when I said these words to him, "I feel abandoned."
Those words sting coming out as well as me typing them. But they are my true feelings. I know I was not ready for the shift in relationships. The shift that some things I wouldn't be able to do because of the responsibilities of being married. The shift in sometimes I just wouldn't be invited because I am married and the assumption that I couldn't come anyway. The lessoning of weekly conversations. The shift that when I hang out...my conversation seems to revolve around family....eww i've really become a grown up. When did this all happen. Why am I talking about my kids....just feel old. I could go on and on. All of those things hurt. Not to mention the process of finding new friends as an adult is a bit awkward. Like how does one go about entering the marriage circle crew with folks who already have bonds, been married for eons, etc. "hello my name is Tekeah...uhhh?"
I guess I just feel lost and a loss. I miss hanging out with my friends, yet I dont' feel comfortable talking to them about all the feelings I have about marriage and the stuff that goes on (you know the juicy stuff). I don't want to taint their view on marriage or heighten sexual feelings. I want to protect them. Yet, I don't want to share everything with my husband because he feels responsible for everything....and sometimes I just want to talk it out. And then finding new couples or new friends to hang out with....whose schedule works with yours etc...and are compatible... who you can trust wowzers.
In a nutshell, friendships have changed....I don't know if its on purpose or if its a part of the transition. I know I just don't like it and reminds me of feeling like an outcast and memories from growing up. I want to be included and I want to gain more friends, both married and single.
Here's a pic from one of our date nights:).... who knew date nights could be so emotional lol
Those words sting coming out as well as me typing them. But they are my true feelings. I know I was not ready for the shift in relationships. The shift that some things I wouldn't be able to do because of the responsibilities of being married. The shift in sometimes I just wouldn't be invited because I am married and the assumption that I couldn't come anyway. The lessoning of weekly conversations. The shift that when I hang out...my conversation seems to revolve around family....eww i've really become a grown up. When did this all happen. Why am I talking about my kids....just feel old. I could go on and on. All of those things hurt. Not to mention the process of finding new friends as an adult is a bit awkward. Like how does one go about entering the marriage circle crew with folks who already have bonds, been married for eons, etc. "hello my name is Tekeah...uhhh?"
I guess I just feel lost and a loss. I miss hanging out with my friends, yet I dont' feel comfortable talking to them about all the feelings I have about marriage and the stuff that goes on (you know the juicy stuff). I don't want to taint their view on marriage or heighten sexual feelings. I want to protect them. Yet, I don't want to share everything with my husband because he feels responsible for everything....and sometimes I just want to talk it out. And then finding new couples or new friends to hang out with....whose schedule works with yours etc...and are compatible... who you can trust wowzers.
In a nutshell, friendships have changed....I don't know if its on purpose or if its a part of the transition. I know I just don't like it and reminds me of feeling like an outcast and memories from growing up. I want to be included and I want to gain more friends, both married and single.
Here's a pic from one of our date nights:).... who knew date nights could be so emotional lol
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