How To Make Birthdays Special in Blended Families

Birthdays come and go. Me, I just recently had a birthday. I'm 35. Yup 35 with 6 kids. Woo sah! Lol! But enough about my birthday (which was awesome) lets talk about birthdays in a blended family.

Birthdays in a blended family are different and special. The reality is that when there are court orders and visitation  schedules, celebrating your child's actual  birthday on their birthday doesn't happen as often as you'd like. There have been consecutive years where we haven't had our kids on their actual birthdays, but it has never stopped the party. When we were newly married, we decided that not having our children on their b-day would not be a source of contention or negativity... And we stuck to it. We don't dwell on not having them in our physical custody on their birthday; it's not a big deal. What 's a big deal is that they're celebrated :) So we celebrate their birthday normally before their birthdate or right after if we don't have them on their actual b day.  We made a family tradition out of it. We have our festivities and then we conclude it with a family dinner in which we go around the table and each person says why they're thankful for the  b day person. I didn't really realize how much they were looking forward to it, until we went out for my birthday. They were like, dad don't forget, we got to do that thing! Lol!  That thing.. aka saying why they're thankful for the honoree (and of course they love the celebratory dinners cuz it's a night to eat out)! The kids reminding us of our family tradition highlighted how,we,as parents, influence our children's perceptions. We, the parentals, set the mood and the tone and normally the kids will adjust to however you set the tone (be it negative/positive). It was was weird when we first started it in 2011, but now they know what to expect and even look forward to it.

So here's a couple of suggestions to make a blended family birthday special:

1. Don't focus on the other parent (they had them x amount of years on their birthday it's my turn..blah blah blah)

-- Remember Birthdays are about the child. They shouldn't feel like they're in the middle.

2. Create your own ritual/tradition that you do every year. 

3. Decide to celebrate before or after and let them know.

6. Make a big deal and let them know that you're thankful that they've lived another year!

Here's a pic from a bday last year ... No sad faces in the building! Lol

"Get Permission" From your Spouse/Mate?!

 I'm a free spirit. I love exploring the things that  bring me joy and happiness. So depending on the day you may find me singing, baking, working out, crocheting,  reading, painting,  group discussions, etc....whatever... it's fun and it's my life.  This free spirit and liberty didn't truly materialize until I made it my mission to pursue joy and happiness after I resigned from my full time job as a social worker in 2010. At that time, I was dating my boyfriend (who is now my husband) when I came to that conclusion.

We talked about  me quitting my job. Now, we'd been dating for about 2 years and some change and  were already having conversations about marriage,  pre-marital counseling, etc. So hence,  I felt this was a conversation we should have if we were planning to spend the future together.  It went something like, hey I think I'm going to resign from my job, how would you feel about that.  He was cool with it. I quit my job.

Now, I wasn't just willy nilly about it. I was strategic in that even if I didn't get married for 5 years or even to my husband, I made sure that quitting my job was a choice that I could live with.  In other words, me first, him second.  I  made sure I could sustain my life and my needs without the help of my boyfriend (I paid  off every bill except for my house and car, I had a part time job, cut off anything that wasn't a necessity, and had savings, and continued to tithe). My income was not combined with my boyfriend. My decision wasn't based on a man, yet a discussion was had based upon our relationship.  There are nuggets that I've learned as a result of  my education as a social worker: Women are more likely to give up their dreams for a man more so than a man will for a woman.  So I purposed to not fall into that statistic.

I'm still self-employed and an independent contractor. I'm still a free spirit who has a lot of hobbies. There is a slight difference though.  In my premarital state, I asked by boyfriend what he thought and or included him in the discussion, but as a married woman, I ask for permission.  Permission...it almost sounds like a curse word lol!

Yup, this grown woman asks for permission from her mate and in turn he does the same as well. We consider each other. It's not about the person owning you and or having control over you, but it's more so about being on the same page. Consulting with the one you choose as your mate.  Maybe they see a different perspective that you don't see.  There are a lot of things that I may want to do at a particular time and I'll ask him and he may say go right ahead and other times he may say wait for a little bit (normally the wait a little bit, is not because he finds pleasure in denying me, but it has a greater purpose..maybe the timing isn't right)..and I wait.  I know that this hits the nerve for a lot of folk... like I'm grown I don't need their permission...then why get married? Do you, by yourself lol! Just serious!  But really permission is not bad especially when you know your mate wants nothing but the best for you..in fact, in my book, asking for permission=peace...permission=communication...permission=same page

I think we started considering each other before we were even married and it transitioned well into marriage, but with added importance. I don't know where we'd be without "Permission" in our marriage.

How Much Should You Change For Your Mate?!

I know the declarations I made in my pre-marital state. I'mma be this way, I'mma do this, etc. My interests premaritally were  on me .... how I wanted to look and or wanted to be.  Now that I'm married, I still have some of those same thoughts of how I want to look, be, and or things I want to do.... however there is great consideration and submission to my husband.

I thought about this as I was preparing to get a new hairstyle last weekend. I wanted a change from the weaves. I wanted something different, but I just didn't know what. I talked to my husband about some options: braids, etc. I showed him pics of what I was considering and  he didn't like quite a few. In the end, I didn't get a hairstyle that he didn't like.

Some may think uhh, it's just a hairstyle.... And it is. More than that, it is an expression of my love for him. I understand that I represent more than myself and I am his wife. I aim to please him :) in every way that I can.  Now don't get me wrong we have our artistic differences  like the time when I wanted to run to the   store in short gym shorts and  thigh high muggle socks and a winter coat.....  Lol.. Yeah I tried. It happens. But overall I have made changes for my man because the consideration is no longer "just about me" but it's about him and how it will affect our relationship.

People  may disagree with me...but I firmly believe that when you're married you should change for your mate. I believe that your core values should already line up before marrying so I so think the changes that take place shouldn't be that life altering.

It's a part my of wife description to know my man... Likes and dislikes.... And for me sometimes that may mean changes.  I don't think it makes you a weak person, I believe it's such a great demonstration of love.... Considering "us" before me.

What are your thoughts on this?!

Before 

After 

What R &B Sensation, Kindred the Family Soul, Can Teach Us About Sex, Music, & Family

I'm always seeking to learn. Always. I think that the willingness to learn and increase your skill and information base is the ingredient that separates the average from above average.... the ordinary from the extra-ordinary. So, I was lead to search for people who are happily married, pursuing their dreams, while simultaneously building their families. I thought, they exist, right?!! Where are they?!!  What are the ingredients that they're using for their success?!! Let's share it with the world right?! So I sought out my first celebrity interview with Kindred the Family Soul..and here's what they had to say...

Iamnewlywed: I remember first seeing you all performing at a summer block party in Philadelphia on the same bill with a group called United Soul (now Ucity) in 2000, which was over 13/14 years ago. How much of your life has changed since then (music, family, relationships)?

Kindred the Family Soul: Everything and not much. Of course now we are 4 albums in, six children and traveled all over the world but the goals are the same. Make great music, be good to each other, raise a healthy family.

Iamnewlywed: Kindred the Family Soul is a successful R & B duo in the music industry with longevity (recently celebrating 10 years in the industry), what are some of the lessons that you've learned as a result of having a career in music?

Kindred the Family Soul: Business is not always so kind to creativity. You must be grateful and patient. What is for you is for you, comparing your career to others is a big mistake. Be an expert at being you.

Iamnewlywed: What is it like to balance individual life/dreams, marriage life/dreams, family life/dreams, and music/ dreams? Does one suffer at the expense of another?

Kindred the Family Soul:   There are moments when you must prioritize as in any persons life. We try to be practical and communicate with each other and our children so no one feels slighted. There are times when we all have been disappointed but we are committed to each other and find ways to take up the slack.

Iamnewlywed: How have you been able to maintain your relationship, your music, and your family?

Kindred the Family Soul:  prayers, the prayers of others. God's grace and mercy. Patience. Arguments. Forgiveness. Love. Desire.

Iamnewlywed: On Instagram, we see postings of your children singing, having birthdays, school shopping, and enjoying their childhood. How many children do you have, what are their age ranges, and how do you maintain a sense of connectedness and normalcy while adhering to the demands of your tour schedules?

Kindred the Family Soul: Six. 3 to 14. We talk to them...a lot. We enjoy their company. We discipline them. We try to help them understand that this is "our" normal. Some parents go to an office, we sing. Mostly God blessed us with awesome kids. Flawed, funny,smart,loving, awesome freakin kids.

Iamnewlywed:What are the 10 major ingredients to your relationship that has led you to a successful marriage?

Kindred the Family Soul: Patience, Forgiveness, Kindness, Passion, Faith, Commitment, Laughter, Strength, honesty, Sacrifice All have been learned and we still struggle with some of them. but they are essential and we know it.

Iamenewlywed: Reminiscing on your newlywed state, what are the top 5 things people need to know before entering a marriage?

Kindred the Family Soul: You will have major challenges that you cannot predict so be patient when they arrive. You can do it. Make your own rules. Listen. Take accountability.

Iamnewlywed: Fatin, what are the things men need to know? Aja, what are the things women need to know?

Kindred the Family Soul: Make no expectations that are not based in conversation and agreement with your spouse. Make it short and sweet but clear and to the point
Love him up...always
Never underestimate the power of lack of sex to destroy your relationship

Iamnewlywed:You have total of 4 albums: Surrender to Love, In This Life Together, The Arrival, and Love Has No Recession, and if you had to choose, what album/ song is your favorite, and for what reason?

Kindred the Family Soul: Don't have a favorite. Love them all equal and for different reasons

Iamnewlywed: What do you want your supporters to take from your music?

Kindred the Family Soul: Honesty, relatability, and inspiration

Iamnewlywed:You are conquering music and family life, so what else can we expect from Kindred the Family Soul in 2014?What's next?

Kindred the Family Soul: Community service

Iamnewlywed:What legacy would you like to leave behind for your supporters and for your children?

Kindred the Family Soul: Use your art/ experience to inspire your life and and others 

Thank you Kindred the Family Soul for these jewels. All I can say is that the wisdom shared in this interview is priceless.  It was truly an honor interviewing Kindred the Family Soul. Please go out and support them by purchasing their albums,  attending their concerts, and following them on social media. Check out their website at www.Kindredthefamilysoul.com and get their albums on iTunes:)

Also, what were the jewels and nuggues that shined brightly to you?! I would love to hear your thoughts and insight!

Here's a couple of mine:  The way my family is...is our "normal."
"Never underestimate the power of lack of sex in destroying a relationship"....  wow!

What are some of yours?!!

How to Make Room for "You" This Year!

This year's in full effect and it's already moving so fast. We're in the 2nd week of January, my kids resumed school this past Monday, I have my vision board completed, yet there's so much to do. My mind is swarming with all of my dreams and goals for this year, along with life's demand's and things that need to be done with my husband, my family, etc. I've been so busy trying get so much done... scheduling doctor's appointments, following up with my kid's schools, I forgot about including moments for myself.

It's amazing that yesterday, when I was sending an e-mail to my greenteasoul zumba army (fitness club) about attending their zumba sessions,  I told them to  PUT IN PEN (not pencil), A Date for Themselves...schedule  time in their agenda's, phone calendars, and block it out as unavailable. We do it for everything else, work, church, seminars, school, etc; however, we normally don't apply the same principle as it concerns ourselves.   Why is that?! We do everything for everybody else and then by the time we're finished, we're spent and have no energy left for ourselves. It leaves us drained and frustrated. Bump that lol!  My e-mail to them was a reminder to myself, "What time have you scheduled so that "You" are included in your day?" Blank Stare. I had none scheduled. So what happens when you don't purposefully schedule time for yourself. Time dissipates just like sand thru the hour glass and before you know it the day is over.

So I've decided, that there's no time like the present to get it going.  I'm not going to go thru the motions and get lost living and doing the operations of life. Instead, I'm going take moments to breathe, feel, and be life. Plus, with so much going own, a pause for the cause is essential, for our mental health. So here we go.

1. Write a list of at least 5-7 things that bring you joy that can be done 1-5 mins.
Depending on your schedule, you could have longer times to spare, just start with "some time" and stick to it.

My list:
-write one thing that you're thankful for: a moment to appreciate one thing makes me smile and laugh and lets me know...life isn't bad

-light a candle/spray a home spray mist/air freshener - smell -it  it's something about a great smell that just takes me to another place:) Aromotherapy:)

-identify a song that you love - sing it or dance to it- singing and dancing always brings me joy!

-take a walk around the block and look up at the sky and trees- I love nature and appreciate beauty

-find youtube clips that make you laugh- right now my thing is to search for laughing babies- they tickle my socks   (laughter is medicine)

-hot tea moment: have a cup of hot tea and just breathe:)

- make something:): sometimes drawing, crocheting, a cartoon:) just makes me happy

2. Now schedule your time:) what specific time will your me time be? Put it in your phone, your outlook email calendar:) and set a reminder:)

I like the mornings or middays but everyone is different.  This week I'm going for 9:30 am:) Remember its only 1-5 minutes to start:)


3. Plot your list in your calendar during the scheduled time  You can doing something different everyday, or do one thing daily for a week...

 here's my list
Tues:  write one thing I'm thankful for:)

Wed: candle/mist  (i''mma add looking at my paris calendar:)  while i'm doing my aromatherapy

Thurs: song that I love

Fri: Walk

Sat: laugh at Baby Youtube clips

4. No social media or phone interruptions during your date... (this is the date with you)


5. Do it and stay committed:) and notice the difference:)

I would love to hear some of your ideas for your simple 1-5 min joys:) that way we can switch it up:) so let me hear your ideas and what you're going to do:)

How to Make the Most Out of this Year with Kids, Jobs, & Relationships!

I've always been one who believes in writing down dreams, goals, and aspirations. I do this multiple times a year: at the end of the year/start of a new year, mid-year, etc. I just write. No matter how far fetched it seems I write out all of the things I'd like to accomplish. So for 2013, my family and I did our goals at least 2x last year. At the top of the year and before school started.

Here's the pre-cursor work before you make the most out of this year.

1. Evaluate your year?!! What have you accomplished out of the things that you had previously written down?
What's the point of writing it down  from year to year and not looking to see what you've actually accomplished. So, before the start of each year, I evaluate the things that I've written down the previous year. I even check them off:) (I love a line or a check thru something) What things did I actually accomplish from the things I had written to accomplish in 2013. I accomplished all but two.-- I didn't finish the book I'm writing and I didn't go horse back riding. Ha! I couldn't believe it!  All the others: Zumba Certified, Zumba instructor, Buddy Exercise individual sessions, G.I.G Cookies (more), read more books, write, pray, sing, bed and breakfasts, beach, teach more Step Classes & Fitness classes, Happier house, better relationship with my kids, better relationship with kid's mom, and to have two more children--- Accomplished them all. Woo Hoo! (you'd be amazed that on my board that in addition to my 3 children, I had two children one (from my womb) and the other a cousin or someone who would need help). Ha ha ..I don't have the children from my womb just yet but I do have two additional children lol. Go Figure!

Evaluating your progress is a reminder of all the things that you have the ability to do and you areas of improvement. It's also a confidence and self esteem builder. Helps you to evaluate what goals you want to keep or shed.

2.  What additional things did you accomplish that you didn't write down.
This is my first year doing this. I normally focus on the things that I had written down, but for some reason at the top of this year, 2014, I had an inkling to write down all of my accomplishments that weren't on my 2013 list. Lawd, the list! I didn't even realize how much I had accomplished last year. In fact, I recall several times throughout the year  complaining that  I wasn't doing all that I wanted to do, to which my husband always had puzzled looks lol! After writing this list!! Girl Shut up!
Husband, from 3 to 5 kids, two cats, and one dog, 2nd year in marriage-- here's my list:)

Certified R.I.P.P.E.D Instructor, worked with PR marketing group for 6 months, Monthly Women Fellowships, Made new Friends, Stretch Instructor, Rode ATVs, Never Be the Blame Video Released (7,500k hits), video features (Okay Player etc), Weight Maintenance since 2010, Date Night Tuesdays, I AM Newly wed blog,  Wammie nomination, new house, Love Chronicles of Superman Trilogy released, DNA Ancestry, rode an elephant, completed rebel race, camping, SOFCC praise and worship leader, zip lining, India Arie Concert, Lionel Ritchie Concert, Kanye West & Kendrick Lamar Concert,  Wayna Concert, updated website, 3rd annual grocery give away, family pictures, solo gigs and performances, tree trimming parties, unified at least 5 adoptees with their biological parents, (provided treats and singing),  Terrapin Adventures hikes and obstacle courses,  attended the Grammys, volunteered grammy dc chapter, etc.

Writing this stuff down, lets me know all the possibilities and how much we can do with the time we have:) and it takes away all the excuses...also, highlighted how much I underestimate the positives and accomplishments in my life.

Now that the pre-work is done for right now, now lets make the most of this year. After you've patted yourself on the back for your other accomplishments, its time to write down your goals for 2014:)

3. Write down everything you'd like to accomplish this year....from minuscule to far fetched ( though I really don't believe anything is far fetched).
It's something about when you write something down. I firmly believe its etched in your memory bank and in your subconscious. Plus, I feel like you can accomplish more things when you remember to write them down. Also, I'm realizing, my thoughts come so fast that if I don't write them down, I forget them and have missed out on an opportunity to make the most of my time.

“When you write down your ideas you automatically focus your full attention on them. Few if any of us can write one thought and think another at the same time. Thus a pencil and paper make excellent concentration tools.”

Michael Leboeuf. 

4.  Draw pictures or cut out pictures (its my favorite part) and rewrite your list on a board.
I tend to group mine into sections: health & wellness, music, family, Spirituality , Business/Creativity, and My Marriage:) Its something about rewriting and writing things more than once. I firmly believe the more you rewrite and form a picture of it, the more it gets etched into your memory and subconscious.

5. Tell your close friends and family.
I am very selective about who I share my aspirations with though I believe that you should constantly talk and verbalize your hopes with your biggest supporters. My best friend is my husband:) so I show him everything. I find that it makes it easier later in the year when he's like when did you want to start doing that...I can refer to my visual list...and he also keeps me focused, accountable, and on track. ...or if I add some other stuff ...he keeps me in check like hey that's not on the list...one might have to give. This also helps to set boundaries as to reasons why you may not be able to engage in other things at the time...because your working on something.

6.  Do  It:) and revisit your list as often as you can. Take it one day at a time:)...and see if you can do something daily towards your goals (all the little steps add up)

This is how I made the the most of 2013...by accident lol...this year, 2014, I will be doing it intentionally. Having kids, jobs, hobbies,  and or relationships... don't stop no show...you just become more creative at getting it done!!

5 Things Single Women Should Know Before Considering Marriage!

In the beginning of December, I had the awesome opportunity of attending a girlfriend's b-day brunch. I don't take for granted the times when I can celebrate my friends and get away from the kids for a quick sec. So while we were there, the b-day girl asked for the married women to share with her single friends about what they needed to know about marriage. You know after a certain age...us women be in wait...waiting for our knight in shining armor. I know before I was married...from about age 25-27, I went thru that phase. The conversation was awesome and it was a great effort to dispel the notion of gumdrops and lollipops and fairy tales that are associated with wedding and marriage.

 Now, the married women in attendance were diverse in nature: some were newlyweds, divorcees, some had children,  and some didn't. So there was a wealth of information and I love conversations like these. I feel women do not share as much as they should with other women and so a lot of mistakes are repeated instead of learning vicariously through another woman's experience. Anyways, I digress. SO from the conversation, I got this:

5 Things Single Women Should Know Before Considering Marriage 

1. Know yourself. 
It's amazing how many women do not spend time mastering who they are before entering relationships. I mean truly understanding yourself and being aware of your strengths as well as one's areas of improvement. Know what you like and dislike...and that only comes with spending time with yourself and God. When you truly know yourself, you will grasp what you will tolerate and or not tolerate....which will save you a lot of time...as you won't be easily swayed or tossed to and fro just to be captured by a man or keep the company of anyone.

2.  Explore Life
One of my friends, talked about enjoying her singleness. Exploring all the things that she could without having to worry about taking care of kids, a family, etc.  Traveling without the thought of arranging a babysitter and or being back by a certain time....yessss!! There is so much to do and conquer in this world and a lot of time is spent worrying about Boaz...instead of getting every drop of milk out of the stage that you're in.  What haven't you done yet. What's on your bucket list and why haven't you started it yet.  I think sometimes the demise of marriages are because people haven't learned to live apart form their mate and so they become resentful and blame their mate for all of  the responsibilities that are keeping them hostage.  So you gotta know how to live!! How to balance and live!

3. Communication
Alas, from the young to the old...how to communicate is key! More importantly how to communicate so that you're heard. Relationships, rather its with family or friends, end, begin, restart, and or crumble because of communication. Either its too much, too little, or none.  So analyzing, are you a good communicator and how do you communicate, is essential. Is what your communicating congruent with what people are understanding from your communication.  If you don't know how to communicate or need a lot of work in that area....umm hold off on marriage lol. Lawd...cuz your communicating all the time, rather you verbalize or don't speak. Communication isn't just so you can be married...its for a better life and better relationships with those you love, period.

4. Fantasy vs. Life--- It Ain't for the faint in heart
I remember I was dating this guy and he has one of the most logical brains ever. He dropped a nugget that I still cherish till this day. He would say, Americans have this fantasy way of thinking about love....bumblegum and lollipops. They tolerate stuff because of the fantasy of the happy ending, when the real question that should be asked is if this person never changed, could you tolerate it for the rest of your life. Say it again. If this person never changed, could you tolerate it for the rest of your life. Asking that question can be applied to so many areas in our lives and would save us so much grief and heartache, if we asked it of ourselves.

5. Priorities
I could go on an on with this list...but I'll stop here with balance and priorities.  Life is a balancing act. There are so many things competing for our attention, our time, and our money, but its whether we have the ability to discriminate between the significant and insignificant. Shoes or rent? Vegas or Skills course? Are you able to sift thru life and identify the essentials.  Put things in their proper place before adding on more? Are you able to sacrifice right now for the greater outcome later on?  Those are things that should be considered.

 If you want to add some more feel free..but this is what I got from chillin with my homies:)

2 yrs In & Angry with God!! *shakes fist*

Last month, I celebrated two years of marriage to my handsome beau. Its amazing how much growth can happen in two years.  In two years,  so many changes have taken place in a split second.  From the moment I said "I Do," I went from being a single woman with one cat to a married woman with a husband, three children, an ex-wife, and a cat.   We then added a dog :). Several adjustments were made in year one....quick adjustments necessary for our survival. As soon as I finally got the swing of everything.....better management of my household, the children, better working relationship with the ex wife....we added two more children. We hadn't even reached year 2 just yet....just a month shy of it.  I haven't really sat down with my feelings as we have been on the go...and most times now, we barely have time to sit down without the house being crowded or having to supervise, referee, teach lessons, revisit schedules, cook meals, etc. I think my husband and I are doing the the best we can to keep things as normal as we can. We still have dates and our time together....but its not always easy.

There are times...where I feel like, I got this...and then there are times where I haven't gotten the best sleep and or I feel overwhelmed or I just want moments to myself..and I just feel angry. Like last night. Like today. Who am I angry with...GOD. Not like I haven't been angry with him before. I'm like God you know me....why!! Why are you requiring me to learn to be a different person at the age of 33 years old.  Why God?!! My husband told me just last night....somebody thinks highly of us. Humph!I asked for children from my womb!! shakes fist! I have freakin baby clothes, a baby vision board, etc....whats up...where's my baby?!! As I type this, I feel like a child having a temper tantrum because I didn't get what I wanted just yet.

And then I have these moments....where I want to treat God just like I treat someone when I'm angry with them. I don't talk to them and ignore them....and I have treated Him like that in the past and over the course of this month at times.  I will not lie I have. I hate being angry and with Him. Yet, I am not afraid to voice my concern or discomfort...thank God for a God who will allow you to be honest.

Even in my angry times with God, He still speaks to me (He is the true example of love who continues in spite of). I heard him say....:"I got you."  Nothing long or long winded. Simple --"I got you."  Then  He reminded me of the Will and Jaden Smith movie called "After Earth" where there's a segment about fear.....

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”
― Will Smith

And there is a scene where Jaden embraces his father's words and begins to take in every moment for what it is...and fear and the thing that is trying to destroy can't 'find him....can't even see him. It reminded me of God, how when we understand that faith is now, and take in our Father's words...that we can hide in His words of faith....and hide in Him.  Situations will come for us...but because we are living in the now of faith...it can't touch us.

Just venting... and realizing that my anger was displaced fear.

Single grocery shopping vs family grocery shopping

I've always enjoyed grocery shopping. Something about going thru the aisles, finding the best deals, and finding my favorites has always been therapeutic for me. As a single woman, I had my grocery bill down to a science and I had the luxury of deciding when or if I would eat. ohhhh but I Am Newlywed lol! My how things have changed. My grocery bill ha!! My favorites (house full of fruit) have become too expensive and were gone in a matter of days with kids in the house. Get this, kids eat all the time! Especially when they are bored lol! And! Kids Have to eat at least the minimum of 3 full meals  a day! So no deciding,hey y'all just not gonna eat right now, like I could do as a single. 

So what did I do! Well, I did what I do most times when I don't know something.... Tried various experiments... not so successful... regrouped...Then went to my fav place that has all the answers..... drum roll... i went to the library with two goals.... Save money and learn how to shop for families.

I got a book called click and coupon:) awesome read:). It taught me how to shop. One of the tips was that you make your weekly menu/ shop by the stuff that's on sale instead of just shopping for the things you want. So I tried that first. It worked!!! I was able to save so much money as I didn't pay full price for anything. Now I have a mantra that my goal is to not pay full price for anything :)  in addition to making that change, I got exposed to the world of couponing! Omg!! I was amazed at how a little planning and snipping went so far! I've gotten free floss, snacks for the kids, rita's ice, and cut down on my grocery bill:) I combine my coupons with the sales papers to get the optimum deals:) I love saving money:) and guess what... There are websites that tell u the best deals and what coupons go with deal! Love it! My husband didn't understand it but now he does. He would say if I hear you say you have a coupon for that one more time lol!  I get stuff for .55  or lower and that's when I buy 2 or 3 which holds me over to the next sales etc. Little changes like this work :) wee hee I'm not too young to coupon! 

In fact, I wish I did this in my single state as I would have saved more money!!

Back to school already?!!

It's approximately 6 more days until my kids start school. I can't believe that time has gone so fast. I had an opportunity to go over my summer things to do list .... The list I create for my kids and things I wanted to do with my husband.... And I'll have you know that we completed the majority of things we set out to do:) wee hee! I just love maximizing the time we have. ... The stuff we didn't get to do yet  like rock climbing and horse back riding we will carry over into the fall :) wee hee soon my list will be completed.  More than anything I dislike feeling like I let time slip thru my hands .... That just burns me up. So cheers to all the list makers out there lol!! This was my first year making a list for my family;)

Below is my summer list... We still have more to conquer but I feel good about what we accomplished:)

Camping - twice    Couple/family 👍

Horseback riding -must

Water park or tubing - maybe

Museums w/boys- 👍

Beach -  👍

Zoo - 👍

Aquarium - maybe

Paddle boat - maybe

Family vacation- 👍

Bike riding boys  - 👍

Go-cart - 

Skating - 

Bowling  family - 👍

Cookout ladies - 👍

Winery tour and B and B - 👍

Rebel race - 👍

Rock climbing terrapin adventures - 👍

Picnic - date night

Summer is coming to a close & now starts the prep & planning for the school year. I've already gotten some of the school supplies (I stay looking for coupons and sales)....we also do a dream and vision board before the start of school:) I think this year imma add an hour of personal time for each of my 3 kids. 3 hrs out of the week. I'mma see how to make it happen.  Here's to my 2nd year as a school mommy! What do you all do for your children to make the start of the  school year special?

It's just one of them days...

I remember a song by the artist Monica... "It's just one of them days that a girl goes thru, when I'm angry inside, don't want to take it out on you"  Oh how I loved that song...ha ha and i still do. I believe it was talking about pms and the emotions that come with it.

I don't think I hear too many women talk about their pms and how it could effect their marriage or family for that matter. Well, this may be TMI for some but oh well it's purging time. I think as a single woman who lived on her own, I realized that I was emotional during a certain time  but it didn't affect anyone but me since I lived alone... Well me and my cat. I mean I would watch movies and cry over silly parts (I'm already a cryer but it'd be much worse). I wouldn't want to be around anyone and I'd just chill in my house. It didn't really affect anyone but me. But it's different when you have a family and husband. You can't just run away or seclude yourself once a month.... Even if I tried I'm sure they'd find me lol. Anyways,  I noticed that during those times the littlest thing irritated me or I felt attacked..... Crying, full of anger, things seems way more intense then they really are, etc. oh how I hate it lol.  But then once that period passes (ha ha pun intended) I'm fine. It's like a sense of normalcy. I'm normally able to communicate "hey babe i feel a little down and i'm trippin" but last month was out of control.  I mean my husband told me later, he was like, I just wanted my wife back. So I got to the bottom of it.... Guess what it was?!' Coffee!!! Over this last month my intake of coffee has been overboard. Now I knew that coffee affected me and I had stopped (my doctor told me some time ago about caffeine) but i guess the taste of coffee made me forget and i got back on the wagon. The caffeine in coffee increases pms symptoms, irritability, fatigue, breast tenderness, mood swings, period irregularity, etc. all that. So after analyzing my behavior, which i do often, the caffeine has got to go! I felt so bad for wanting to rip my husbands face off  And of course i apologized. So I have to do what i know:) eliminate the caffeine and work out! 

But would you know that even thru my rough period, my husband had set up a date for me. This guy!  Regardless of the funk that I was in he loved me thru it, gave me space, forgave me, and even had a date waiting in the wind (he said he arranged the date at the height of my emotions). Lawd, he reminds of me of God the father! Here are some pics from our date

From physical parenting to cyber-parenting: it never ends!

Fresh off of gaining a Zumba license and a staycation with superman, now it's back into the swing of things. 

Parenting never ceases even when they're not physically in your presence..... Even the word I don't like, "step-parent," continues to exist even when the kids aren't with us. I was reminded of that yesterday when I texted another parent and identified myself as my daughter's other mom. She responded you mean step-parent and I said no, i don't like like the term. For some reason step-parent has a negative connotation... You know Cinderella and the wicked step-mother or the stereo type of the sexually abusing step-father..... I just don't Iike the unspoken ideas that come with the word step-mother or step parent...it truly doesn't capture my hope for my children and creates a divide in the family (like because i didnt birth them, i dont care them) .Maybe that's just me. Oh we'll i digress.

Well, yest i had to go into parent mode due to my daughters interaction on Instagram and she wasn't even with us.  For the purpose of this blog we gonna call my daughter, Belle. Yes, Belle is on Instagram just like most in the world. Though it can get rather crazy with adolescents and Instagram. So many different avenues that they can use for foolery.... And it's big distraction. Anyways, Belle asked a question  (on instagram) of her "boo" that her father and I felt was inappropriate. (Side bar: if your children have Instagram, I advise that you follow them, etc to insure pictures and content is appropriate).

So although belle was not with us... I gave correction via Instagram to her and her "boo" and also let her mom know as well. Yeah I know, I'm not the cool mom... But I don't care... Being cool and teaching my daughter to be the best woman she can be, don't necessarily go hand and hand, at times lol.

So I did what I thought had to be done. When she returns there will be a follow up discussion. But in the mean time,I contacted her "boo's" mom who didn't view it as a big deal. Woosah! I didn't argue back in forth... I simply stated that its inappropriate and my daughter is a lady and that I wanted to keep her in the loop as his parent.

I'm learning more and more that I don't have to prove my point or go tit for tat. State your case and roll out. It's okay if they don't agree. (And I love healthy debates lol... So this is growth)

Parenting doesn't stop. Eek and the grief I gave my parents going thru the dating phase, has a whole new meaning!

Dreams vs. Marriage?! Which wins?!!

I thought I'd have time to write a new post yesterday, but I didn't. After taking the Zumba training to become a licensed zumba instructor, I was beyond pooped. As we speak  my abs, ham strings, and glutes are soooore but i got that license lol. It's official, I'm licensed to teach Zumba, a goal that was on this years dream board:) One marked off the list lol *insert fist pump*

Dream,dreams,dreams!!! I have so many and thank God for a husband who encourages them all. Special kudos to those who've married free spirits and dreamers ..... Cuz we have different dreams by the seconds and minutes. It def takes a special kind to support and nurture us:) I ain't Lyin!

Well this morning, superman and I were taking about our dreams and how they have changed etc. From time to time we do family and marriage devotional (crosswalk.com) and this one had the following questions:

Have you ever had to give up any of your dreams for someone?
• How do you feel now about those old dreams?
• What new dreams do you have for yourself and for us as a couple?

How will you help each other to accomplish your dreams?

How ironic because I'd already planned to write this post. 

Reflecting, in the beginning of "IAMNEWLYWED" state, i was angry, because I felt I had to give up some of my dreams to be what I thought a family should be. I took off singing for a while to adjust to married life when I didn't have to.... But that's what I thought I had to do.... Only after talking to superman did I realize I didn't have to. 

Now, I think that I can have my dreams and be married. I do feel that there is something that I have to relinquish as a result of being married... And that is the impulsivity... The having what I want when I want it... I have to give that up.  So sometimes as it concerns some of my dreams, I have to exhibit patience and trust in God that "my time" will not escape me. Just like in the case of Zumba... I originally wanted to do it last August but our family was in the process of moving and so I waited.  "My time" didn't escape me, even though I got the license a year later.  I'm learning that I don't trust God as much as I thought. I'm working on it tho! In the meantime, let the Zumba parties commence!!

Swagged out/!!

I can't believe it's Tuesday...I really like to purge on Mondays lol...but I sat down to write and then ended up working and doing everything else except what I had intended to do. Surely, I know I'm not the only one that this has happened to lol... Well alas! I get a moment to reflect.

So this past weekend, the kiddies returned...and sometimes when they come back from the weekend it's almost like a roll of the dice. You just never know what your gonna get.   But this weekend was fairly cool. I'm learning that no matter how they come (no matter the mood) that it's important for me to be consistent..anyways, I digress.

 Back to this past weekend. Now, out of my three children the one who has the most mouth....is my middle son who's 12 years old. I won't say his name, as he is a kid of "swag," lol and me saying his name would "take away from his coolness/swag" I'm sure lol and it would embarrass him.  Nonetheless, he's the one who just has to be right or has to have the last word, no matter if he's right or wrong. I guess a christian, faith-filled, therapist, positive soul singer, shouldn't say that he makes me wanna decapitate him sometimes.... But who am I fooling...lol...God already knows. LOL!

But this weekend, I had to pat myself on the back and note some growth. So for the purpose of this blog, my middle son's name throughout this blog will be "Swag."  So Swag  comes home in a relatively good mood and I'm in a good mood too because  I sold all my G.I.G cookies (www.greenteasoul.com). Excuse the shameless plug.  So just chillin and having fun, I decide to make it rain (throw money in the air) and of course the boys grab up the money and high tail it. We call em back..and  somewhere Swag says Ma-T doesn't buy us anything except candy from the $1 store. I responded oh really...like the house you live in, the clothes on our back..yadda yadda.  He's like, Dad pays for it...or something like that. I was like, really. But unlike before....I let it roll off my back. Before I would have had the verbal artillery cocked, loaded, and fired like an automatic machine gun.... but I didn't I just kept it moving. Wee hee high five for me!

It did show me how little, children comprehend, and how much they take things for granted. I think that in the beginning of our  marriage, that it was the biggest sticking point for me....I felt they were unappreciative and took things for granted....complete shock. bwhahahahaa!! Now that I'm looking back, ha ha, most kids are unappreciative and or feel that parents are doing what they "supposed" to do. But I realize that I was looking through the lenses of my past,  growing up in the hood and so close to poverty.  I'm thinking, these ninjas got a nerve to be ungrateful when they're children who don't have it like this.  I'm bending over backwards to increase our money and I get sass lol.....sounding like my mother lol....and everything other parent of I've heard.

But what do my kids know....they've never experienced any different....they don't know about southeast dc and the things that can come with it. They've never experienced how it was or how  it could be, they just know how it is. Could I be angry that they have  it better then how I had it growing up and to put icing on the cake,  they don't appreciate it....pause. nahhhh...lol

So I'm patting myself on the back for not tripping out and not feeling like I had to convince a 12 year old, who pays the bills around here. Whats the use of trying to rationalize with a 12 year old...none at this point.

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?

Over the past weekend, I hosted our sisters support circle, where every 3rd Sunday, a  diverse group of women come together to talk about different issues. Everyone's so intelligent and has a unique perspective that I learn and improve my life each time we meet.

Although the topic was on purpose and dreams, we touched on so many other topics, that we didn't even finish.  What hit home for me was the little side bar about friends.  It stemmed from an article, The Top 5 Regrets (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dyingwhere the article talks about people's regrets before dying.) 

One of the regrets was that "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

I mentioned in an earlier blog posting called friends and marriage, how  I thought my friendships  were changing.But the phrasing of that regret,  I wish I had stayed in contact with my friends, hit home. It put the ownership of my connections on me. It reminded me of what my mother said when I asked her about friends and marriage.  She said, "some friendships in adulthood change, but friendships in adulthood aren't hard, they just take more work." A wise woman, but don't tell her I said that :)So i asked myself,Have I been doing my best to connect with my friends?  Am i in tune with the opportunities presented to connect?No. I'm a person of easiness, so i tend to avoid things that require work.

My idea of friendships "in my head" is that of the movies and books... The easiness of long girl talk coffee house sessions, trips to exotic places, knowing the ends and outs about everyone's lives... Basically, relationships that don't take work... Just easy like Sunday morning. But the reality is that me focusing on what friendships looked like "in my head" made me discount my friendships and see them as superficial.  I equated friendships with being easy going and requiring no effort. I didn't realize what I have. I was so busy focusing on my friends not reaching out to me that I didn't even realize that I wasn't reaching out to them as often as I could. I didnt realize the opportunities i had to redeem lost time because i was consumed with "their" lack of effort. The rapper Common said, "relationship is effort but I will match your work." Where is my effort?

I asked myself, how bad do I really want the relationships or connections. Am i willing to change, "I'm not a phone person, to being a phone person to get the connection i desire?" Am i asking about their lives?Just little stuff like that. How bad do I really want it?

I know I don't want to be on my death bed, regretting not keeping in contact with my friends. Instead, I want to say I'm glad that I kept in contact with my friends...and have them at my side. Sidebar: ain't nobody dying... Aiin't nobody got time for that... Rather be raptured lol

I'm just sayin... Whew a chestful

Cheers to the weekend: Linaganore Wine Festival!

We Out'chea...so hot!!

It's Monday and for some reason Mondays have always been my favorite! It's the reset that it's a new start of the week.


Well, what can I say, I had a great weekend. This weekend, I had my husband all to myself and I so appreciate those moments. Every other weekend we have the kids, which is a great break & most times a much needed one. It's such a great way for us to just reconnect and build. I love it. I don't take these moments for granted because we don't have time to get into long disagreements that suck up the entire day...cuz the weekend would be gone. Although, I was tempted on Saturday because the boo is blunt, like me, at times (although no one would ever believe it lol), and he told me in so many words (after I came from the gym), that I stink and to go take a shower. I was all in my lovey dubby mood ha ha...he straight killed my vibe...short lived for sure.

I got upset...but got it together within the next 5 minutes. Turned on some old Kanye, college dropout. Hit the showers and got ready for the day. I think the positive in our relationship is that we can have a moment, get ourselves together, and come back to the day...and then talk about it.  I'm prob more sensitive then I've ever realized and I'm working on it. My husband knows how to bounce back way more quickly then I can. More work to do. I love that he can bounce back so quickly, yet he gets on nerves that he is so good with that. 

Me posing with the winery machine afte the winery tour lol!

Anywho, we went to the Linganore Wine Festival and had a great time!The food, the people, the wine tour, and just the experience of laughing and spending time with my favorite person is such a refresher. So many things happen on a day to day basis  and week to week...but when I'm with my best friend, like Lauryn Hill says, nothing else even matters.  Then the man who owns the Linganore winery shared their story, of how they started from hand crushing grapes to mass producing wine. I love hearing about dreams and how they came to fruition. They speak to me and encourage my own dream process. So needless to say the Linganore Wine Festival was great and I think we're going to go back again in October:)!

Overall, I feel there is a lesson in every interaction and experience and so my goal is to learn to bounce back within a minute instead of 5 to 10 minutes.  Make the best out of each moment, especially with my husband.  At the end of the day, I don't want to have so many minutes wasted:)

Here's a pic from the festival:) Aren't we just cute lol!

The Silver lining: Coolin

In my moment of sadness yesterday, I had a choice. Would I wallow in the sadness or keep it moving. I chose the latter and got in the pool. I thought I was gonna chill alone, relaxing on the floatie, when the kids returned to the pool.... And I do mean returned, as they had previously left, to watch television. Now, I have seen this happen with my husband ... As soon as he gets in, all the kids get in or as soon as he does something, everyone wants to do it. He's a magnet like that.  It hadn't happened with me though. But yesterday it happened.  I'm noticing that its happening more and more:). The kids feeling more comfortable to share space. What a silver lining. I'm doing a better job at noticing the small changes. It was cool just noticing the small influence I made yesterday by deciding not to let a moment ruin the day. 

Here's a pic from one of our coolin days. I should have taken a pic yesterday but it was too hot to be concerned with anything other than swim time lol!  

What is that you do again?!!

 Just last week, a person asked me, what I did for a living. The answer is not the usual one answer. The answer goes... well I'm a group exercise instructor, a baker,  a singer/songwriter, post-adoption researcher/Homestudy, writer, etc. Prior to asking me that question, they asked my husband the same one and they got one  answer,  a computer engineer. When this questioned is asked, my husband and I, take a deep breath,look at each other, then I give my long answer coupled with "oh, I'm a praise and worship leader too ."  I should have added mother and wife too....I'll add that next time lol.

I do a lot of things as my goal is to do the things that bring me joy and put forth effort to eliminate the things that don't.  I got that from reading the books written by the Delaney sisters:) In 2010, I retired from being a full time social worker to focus on my happiness and pursue my music full time.  Within that time period, I lost 48 lbs, was writing and recording my new album,  became a group exercise instructor, weight watchers leader, etc. Then in 2011, I added wife and mother to the list. 

Which brings me here. I am a singer/songwriter. I've been singing since I can remember and I've been pursuing music professionally since 2004. I have a total of 5 albums out, under the moniker (Green Tea) which has now changed to GREENTEASOUL.  In 2011, I became a wife/mother, with a husband and 3 children, 2 cats, and 1 dog.  My biggest challenge was how to do both without feeling guilty about sacrificing something in one or the other. I'm still working on that. Its definitely a balancing act. Music takes time, energy, and money (we have a separate budget for Green Tea and I sell G.I.G cookies to cover my music expenses). Family takes time, energy, and money. EEK!! I started to feel guilty about both. And then, after this last venture with investing in my music didn't pan out the way that I thought. I really became down. I started thinking about all the different ways I could have used that investment in my family.  Then another music venture, I wanted to take part in with a really great producer... I got the estimated expenses..and my heart sank. I really couldn't at the time because it wasn't feasible financially....and so I had to tell him. Eeek I hated doing that! Thank God for a supportive husband though. He supports my dream and was being the voice of reason.....he was like ummm you been in the game how long? I've listened to a lot of music industry's success stories...and they were in the game longer than you, before they actually made it." Oh and by the way, they have a label paying for their stuff." You got to love him...but i didn't want to hear that. I'm Tekeah remember its supposed to be different lol. But I was really considering throwing in the towel on music.  Like maybe I had reached my pinnacle. I had written a blog on July 9 that pondered, should I quit. That was just last week.

Needless to say I didn't quit...and I allowed people to encourage me. I also know that I'm an emotional person especially around certain times of the month. lol. So, its not wise for me to make decisions when I'm emotional. Fast forward to today. I got word on Monday asking me if I'd like to open up for Lyfe Jennings. Of course I answered yes...and went back to my business....you get so many what ifs in the music business...I wait until I see the fine print before I get my hopes up. But it was and is confirmed! I am opening up for Lyfe Jennings on this Saturday, July 20 at the Howard Theatre.

One week pondering quitting, the next week slated to open up for a platinum artist. In the past week, have I figured out how to let music and my family co-exist in its entirety? No. What have I figured out is that I have people who will have my back and won't let me quit. I got a response from one of my friends in the industry, "Your not quitting. The end."  lol I figured out that my purpose of singing is not to just make money or tour all over the world but it is: To encourage people to grow, love, and heal, thru music and outreach.  At the end of the day that is my purpose and I can't get caught up in what others are doing or how far they have come. I thank God for this opportunity...and just for being to be able to learn from the positive and negative.

I met a man last night....

last night, I met this man who took me out for sushi, a long walk around eastern market... And then took me back to his house. but we didnt sleep there... we slept under the stars, in a tent in his back yard. This man does it for me! wee hee it was night of fun that encompassed talks of love,politics,dreams, and free-cycle (long story, but my husband put the breaks on me scoring an elliptical from freecycle lol). I'm smiling ear to ear like I'm in high school and you find out that the boy you been breaking your neck to send signals that you like him, likes you back. Ha ha! Man, I just love my husband!! He gets me  and likes me and I like him. I mean we like like each other lol! Ha, he just yelled from the other room "love u babe" as I'm typing this. It's such a good feeling.

I asked him last night, how many people have what we have.  We are besties who really enjoy each others company. I told him yesterday that I attribute alot of our success to making sure that we have "our time" together.  Our tuesday date nights...setting aside time weekly, is a saving grace and keeps the connection fresh. We talk, we laugh, we cry, we express, debate, envision, dance, read...etc. We have time for each other which is very import when you have a big family and so much going on at one time. I think our date nights are a constant reminder that, no matter what comes our way, we are in this life together...... That and u can't be mad during date night lol!

We take time for each other because we are very important to one another. Excuse me, I think I might meet that guy again in the tent lol! I love him :)

It's Morning...

Its morning...my favorite time of the day. I've always loved mornings....the newness of the day, the chance to start again.  Mornings, my most pensive moments. I've always loved them. I think I maybe loved them more because the mornings represented my "me times" for so long....represented my freedom to begin the day anyway that I liked....sometimes loud music/dance routines...sometimes dancing around the house naked (or just walking around the house with whatever on)...sometimes singing at the top of my lungs...sometimes just curling up with my cat, George, saying nothing...just anything goes! The simple liberties of free mornings! It's amazing the stuff you take for granted during your pre-married days.  You don't realize all of the value in them until things are switched around.

I AM NEWLY WED. Mornings. Adjustment. Living with others. Adjustment. Children in elementary, middle school, & high school (all with different bus schedules). Adjustment.  Living with non-morning people. BIG ADJUSTMENT!

I think one the biggest adjustments was adjusting to my mornings no longer being my own. Did I mention I was a morning person? My husband is a morning person too...that's one of the reasons why I love him so.... my children, absolutely not....tho my middle son is a bit better than the other two.  Combine that with different morning schedules (morning school bus). Eek I started to hate mornings. Not only could I no longer walk around the house naked ( I know TMI...but its such a simple joy for me lol), I now had to wake up and make sure everybody had and did everything they were supposed to do. Eek! My intermittent dance and singing routines on hold. So the bubbly Tekeah...was did you brush your teeth, put on deodorant, did you eat...all that. I don't want to do all that talking in the morning. I wanna chill and enjoy the birds.  Let creative juices flow.You know, reflect.  Then I couldn't understand why....get this...wait for it.... I couldn't understand, why I had to keep saying the same stuff, day after day, to the kids.  Apparently, I thought their learning curve was a bit slow....when in fact I had forgotten what its like to be a kid....so I guess my learning curve was a bit slow lol. Kids sometimes try your greatest area of improvement....which mine was/is patience.  I AM NEWLY WED! lol

Then on top of that...during the weekend...guess who wanted to continue the early morning ritual of being a morning person, my husband.  So let me get this straight, the only day I don't "have to" get up and ensure that everybody is up and at em...my husband wants to get up at 7 am and get the day going. Ninja please! Ha Ha! Can you imagine the turmoil.... *swings arm across the bed to cuddle with husband* Empty space. He is up doing something...working out...talking about cutting grass or something.  Boy Bye!

I sit and think about it now. He didn't change. I did.  My  morning routine differed. My needs changed. Initially for a while, I was blown and I would tell him. "I just want you to lay here with me." Ummm...next Saturday he'd be up and at em again.  I guess he thought I was talking about just last Saturday. I'm like what part did this ninja not understand? I'd tell him again, "I just want you to lay with me because this is the only day that I don't have to get up to do anything and I just want to enjoy this. I don't want to get up uber early on Saturdays when we don't have too" I had to keep saying that for a lil while until he got it. I had to continue to express my needs and wishes to him and he got it. Patience and repetitiveness. Constant re-evaluation of my communication--Is it clear? Does he understand what I'm asking?

I started to take the same approach with the kids. Though I ain't gonna lie, I really don't like having to say things more than once...idk where I get that from lol. Lawd knows my parents told me the same things  over and over for eons...until I got it? lol

I don't know why I'm writing about this now. Maybe because it's a Tuesday morning and the love for mornings is rekindled. Right now, the kids are at a point where, I don't have to tell them wake up, read for an hour, get dressed, eat breakfast....they can do that on there own. After a year and a half, they are growing. I am growing. All I ask now is did you do what you were supposed to do and they say yes Wee hee! Hallelujah! Breakthru!

I think sometimes in the moment, I think that things are always going to be a certain way forever. Then the emotions arise. I guess that's the drama queen in me. Taking a step back to make sure that I am communicating what it is that I want and just not assuming or thinking that people should know what I want or what I'm going thru, is key. One day at a time.

It is 9 am . They have already showered, dressed, made breakfast, and I didn't say a word. They even asked last night to go to the library to get a new book:) for their reading time. Oh yeah fist pump! Trouble don't last always...ha ha !