How to Make Room for "You" This Year!

This year's in full effect and it's already moving so fast. We're in the 2nd week of January, my kids resumed school this past Monday, I have my vision board completed, yet there's so much to do. My mind is swarming with all of my dreams and goals for this year, along with life's demand's and things that need to be done with my husband, my family, etc. I've been so busy trying get so much done... scheduling doctor's appointments, following up with my kid's schools, I forgot about including moments for myself.

It's amazing that yesterday, when I was sending an e-mail to my greenteasoul zumba army (fitness club) about attending their zumba sessions,  I told them to  PUT IN PEN (not pencil), A Date for Themselves...schedule  time in their agenda's, phone calendars, and block it out as unavailable. We do it for everything else, work, church, seminars, school, etc; however, we normally don't apply the same principle as it concerns ourselves.   Why is that?! We do everything for everybody else and then by the time we're finished, we're spent and have no energy left for ourselves. It leaves us drained and frustrated. Bump that lol!  My e-mail to them was a reminder to myself, "What time have you scheduled so that "You" are included in your day?" Blank Stare. I had none scheduled. So what happens when you don't purposefully schedule time for yourself. Time dissipates just like sand thru the hour glass and before you know it the day is over.

So I've decided, that there's no time like the present to get it going.  I'm not going to go thru the motions and get lost living and doing the operations of life. Instead, I'm going take moments to breathe, feel, and be life. Plus, with so much going own, a pause for the cause is essential, for our mental health. So here we go.

1. Write a list of at least 5-7 things that bring you joy that can be done 1-5 mins.
Depending on your schedule, you could have longer times to spare, just start with "some time" and stick to it.

My list:
-write one thing that you're thankful for: a moment to appreciate one thing makes me smile and laugh and lets me know...life isn't bad

-light a candle/spray a home spray mist/air freshener - smell -it  it's something about a great smell that just takes me to another place:) Aromotherapy:)

-identify a song that you love - sing it or dance to it- singing and dancing always brings me joy!

-take a walk around the block and look up at the sky and trees- I love nature and appreciate beauty

-find youtube clips that make you laugh- right now my thing is to search for laughing babies- they tickle my socks   (laughter is medicine)

-hot tea moment: have a cup of hot tea and just breathe:)

- make something:): sometimes drawing, crocheting, a cartoon:) just makes me happy

2. Now schedule your time:) what specific time will your me time be? Put it in your phone, your outlook email calendar:) and set a reminder:)

I like the mornings or middays but everyone is different.  This week I'm going for 9:30 am:) Remember its only 1-5 minutes to start:)


3. Plot your list in your calendar during the scheduled time  You can doing something different everyday, or do one thing daily for a week...

 here's my list
Tues:  write one thing I'm thankful for:)

Wed: candle/mist  (i''mma add looking at my paris calendar:)  while i'm doing my aromatherapy

Thurs: song that I love

Fri: Walk

Sat: laugh at Baby Youtube clips

4. No social media or phone interruptions during your date... (this is the date with you)


5. Do it and stay committed:) and notice the difference:)

I would love to hear some of your ideas for your simple 1-5 min joys:) that way we can switch it up:) so let me hear your ideas and what you're going to do:)

How to Make the Most Out of this Year with Kids, Jobs, & Relationships!

I've always been one who believes in writing down dreams, goals, and aspirations. I do this multiple times a year: at the end of the year/start of a new year, mid-year, etc. I just write. No matter how far fetched it seems I write out all of the things I'd like to accomplish. So for 2013, my family and I did our goals at least 2x last year. At the top of the year and before school started.

Here's the pre-cursor work before you make the most out of this year.

1. Evaluate your year?!! What have you accomplished out of the things that you had previously written down?
What's the point of writing it down  from year to year and not looking to see what you've actually accomplished. So, before the start of each year, I evaluate the things that I've written down the previous year. I even check them off:) (I love a line or a check thru something) What things did I actually accomplish from the things I had written to accomplish in 2013. I accomplished all but two.-- I didn't finish the book I'm writing and I didn't go horse back riding. Ha! I couldn't believe it!  All the others: Zumba Certified, Zumba instructor, Buddy Exercise individual sessions, G.I.G Cookies (more), read more books, write, pray, sing, bed and breakfasts, beach, teach more Step Classes & Fitness classes, Happier house, better relationship with my kids, better relationship with kid's mom, and to have two more children--- Accomplished them all. Woo Hoo! (you'd be amazed that on my board that in addition to my 3 children, I had two children one (from my womb) and the other a cousin or someone who would need help). Ha ha ..I don't have the children from my womb just yet but I do have two additional children lol. Go Figure!

Evaluating your progress is a reminder of all the things that you have the ability to do and you areas of improvement. It's also a confidence and self esteem builder. Helps you to evaluate what goals you want to keep or shed.

2.  What additional things did you accomplish that you didn't write down.
This is my first year doing this. I normally focus on the things that I had written down, but for some reason at the top of this year, 2014, I had an inkling to write down all of my accomplishments that weren't on my 2013 list. Lawd, the list! I didn't even realize how much I had accomplished last year. In fact, I recall several times throughout the year  complaining that  I wasn't doing all that I wanted to do, to which my husband always had puzzled looks lol! After writing this list!! Girl Shut up!
Husband, from 3 to 5 kids, two cats, and one dog, 2nd year in marriage-- here's my list:)

Certified R.I.P.P.E.D Instructor, worked with PR marketing group for 6 months, Monthly Women Fellowships, Made new Friends, Stretch Instructor, Rode ATVs, Never Be the Blame Video Released (7,500k hits), video features (Okay Player etc), Weight Maintenance since 2010, Date Night Tuesdays, I AM Newly wed blog,  Wammie nomination, new house, Love Chronicles of Superman Trilogy released, DNA Ancestry, rode an elephant, completed rebel race, camping, SOFCC praise and worship leader, zip lining, India Arie Concert, Lionel Ritchie Concert, Kanye West & Kendrick Lamar Concert,  Wayna Concert, updated website, 3rd annual grocery give away, family pictures, solo gigs and performances, tree trimming parties, unified at least 5 adoptees with their biological parents, (provided treats and singing),  Terrapin Adventures hikes and obstacle courses,  attended the Grammys, volunteered grammy dc chapter, etc.

Writing this stuff down, lets me know all the possibilities and how much we can do with the time we have:) and it takes away all the excuses...also, highlighted how much I underestimate the positives and accomplishments in my life.

Now that the pre-work is done for right now, now lets make the most of this year. After you've patted yourself on the back for your other accomplishments, its time to write down your goals for 2014:)

3. Write down everything you'd like to accomplish this year....from minuscule to far fetched ( though I really don't believe anything is far fetched).
It's something about when you write something down. I firmly believe its etched in your memory bank and in your subconscious. Plus, I feel like you can accomplish more things when you remember to write them down. Also, I'm realizing, my thoughts come so fast that if I don't write them down, I forget them and have missed out on an opportunity to make the most of my time.

“When you write down your ideas you automatically focus your full attention on them. Few if any of us can write one thought and think another at the same time. Thus a pencil and paper make excellent concentration tools.”

Michael Leboeuf. 

4.  Draw pictures or cut out pictures (its my favorite part) and rewrite your list on a board.
I tend to group mine into sections: health & wellness, music, family, Spirituality , Business/Creativity, and My Marriage:) Its something about rewriting and writing things more than once. I firmly believe the more you rewrite and form a picture of it, the more it gets etched into your memory and subconscious.

5. Tell your close friends and family.
I am very selective about who I share my aspirations with though I believe that you should constantly talk and verbalize your hopes with your biggest supporters. My best friend is my husband:) so I show him everything. I find that it makes it easier later in the year when he's like when did you want to start doing that...I can refer to my visual list...and he also keeps me focused, accountable, and on track. ...or if I add some other stuff ...he keeps me in check like hey that's not on the list...one might have to give. This also helps to set boundaries as to reasons why you may not be able to engage in other things at the time...because your working on something.

6.  Do  It:) and revisit your list as often as you can. Take it one day at a time:)...and see if you can do something daily towards your goals (all the little steps add up)

This is how I made the the most of 2013...by accident lol...this year, 2014, I will be doing it intentionally. Having kids, jobs, hobbies,  and or relationships... don't stop no show...you just become more creative at getting it done!!

5 Things Single Women Should Know Before Considering Marriage!

In the beginning of December, I had the awesome opportunity of attending a girlfriend's b-day brunch. I don't take for granted the times when I can celebrate my friends and get away from the kids for a quick sec. So while we were there, the b-day girl asked for the married women to share with her single friends about what they needed to know about marriage. You know after a certain age...us women be in wait...waiting for our knight in shining armor. I know before I was married...from about age 25-27, I went thru that phase. The conversation was awesome and it was a great effort to dispel the notion of gumdrops and lollipops and fairy tales that are associated with wedding and marriage.

 Now, the married women in attendance were diverse in nature: some were newlyweds, divorcees, some had children,  and some didn't. So there was a wealth of information and I love conversations like these. I feel women do not share as much as they should with other women and so a lot of mistakes are repeated instead of learning vicariously through another woman's experience. Anyways, I digress. SO from the conversation, I got this:

5 Things Single Women Should Know Before Considering Marriage 

1. Know yourself. 
It's amazing how many women do not spend time mastering who they are before entering relationships. I mean truly understanding yourself and being aware of your strengths as well as one's areas of improvement. Know what you like and dislike...and that only comes with spending time with yourself and God. When you truly know yourself, you will grasp what you will tolerate and or not tolerate....which will save you a lot of time...as you won't be easily swayed or tossed to and fro just to be captured by a man or keep the company of anyone.

2.  Explore Life
One of my friends, talked about enjoying her singleness. Exploring all the things that she could without having to worry about taking care of kids, a family, etc.  Traveling without the thought of arranging a babysitter and or being back by a certain time....yessss!! There is so much to do and conquer in this world and a lot of time is spent worrying about Boaz...instead of getting every drop of milk out of the stage that you're in.  What haven't you done yet. What's on your bucket list and why haven't you started it yet.  I think sometimes the demise of marriages are because people haven't learned to live apart form their mate and so they become resentful and blame their mate for all of  the responsibilities that are keeping them hostage.  So you gotta know how to live!! How to balance and live!

3. Communication
Alas, from the young to the old...how to communicate is key! More importantly how to communicate so that you're heard. Relationships, rather its with family or friends, end, begin, restart, and or crumble because of communication. Either its too much, too little, or none.  So analyzing, are you a good communicator and how do you communicate, is essential. Is what your communicating congruent with what people are understanding from your communication.  If you don't know how to communicate or need a lot of work in that area....umm hold off on marriage lol. Lawd...cuz your communicating all the time, rather you verbalize or don't speak. Communication isn't just so you can be married...its for a better life and better relationships with those you love, period.

4. Fantasy vs. Life--- It Ain't for the faint in heart
I remember I was dating this guy and he has one of the most logical brains ever. He dropped a nugget that I still cherish till this day. He would say, Americans have this fantasy way of thinking about love....bumblegum and lollipops. They tolerate stuff because of the fantasy of the happy ending, when the real question that should be asked is if this person never changed, could you tolerate it for the rest of your life. Say it again. If this person never changed, could you tolerate it for the rest of your life. Asking that question can be applied to so many areas in our lives and would save us so much grief and heartache, if we asked it of ourselves.

5. Priorities
I could go on an on with this list...but I'll stop here with balance and priorities.  Life is a balancing act. There are so many things competing for our attention, our time, and our money, but its whether we have the ability to discriminate between the significant and insignificant. Shoes or rent? Vegas or Skills course? Are you able to sift thru life and identify the essentials.  Put things in their proper place before adding on more? Are you able to sacrifice right now for the greater outcome later on?  Those are things that should be considered.

 If you want to add some more feel free..but this is what I got from chillin with my homies:)

Swagged out/!!

I can't believe it's Tuesday...I really like to purge on Mondays lol...but I sat down to write and then ended up working and doing everything else except what I had intended to do. Surely, I know I'm not the only one that this has happened to lol... Well alas! I get a moment to reflect.

So this past weekend, the kiddies returned...and sometimes when they come back from the weekend it's almost like a roll of the dice. You just never know what your gonna get.   But this weekend was fairly cool. I'm learning that no matter how they come (no matter the mood) that it's important for me to be consistent..anyways, I digress.

 Back to this past weekend. Now, out of my three children the one who has the most mouth....is my middle son who's 12 years old. I won't say his name, as he is a kid of "swag," lol and me saying his name would "take away from his coolness/swag" I'm sure lol and it would embarrass him.  Nonetheless, he's the one who just has to be right or has to have the last word, no matter if he's right or wrong. I guess a christian, faith-filled, therapist, positive soul singer, shouldn't say that he makes me wanna decapitate him sometimes.... But who am I fooling...lol...God already knows. LOL!

But this weekend, I had to pat myself on the back and note some growth. So for the purpose of this blog, my middle son's name throughout this blog will be "Swag."  So Swag  comes home in a relatively good mood and I'm in a good mood too because  I sold all my G.I.G cookies (www.greenteasoul.com). Excuse the shameless plug.  So just chillin and having fun, I decide to make it rain (throw money in the air) and of course the boys grab up the money and high tail it. We call em back..and  somewhere Swag says Ma-T doesn't buy us anything except candy from the $1 store. I responded oh really...like the house you live in, the clothes on our back..yadda yadda.  He's like, Dad pays for it...or something like that. I was like, really. But unlike before....I let it roll off my back. Before I would have had the verbal artillery cocked, loaded, and fired like an automatic machine gun.... but I didn't I just kept it moving. Wee hee high five for me!

It did show me how little, children comprehend, and how much they take things for granted. I think that in the beginning of our  marriage, that it was the biggest sticking point for me....I felt they were unappreciative and took things for granted....complete shock. bwhahahahaa!! Now that I'm looking back, ha ha, most kids are unappreciative and or feel that parents are doing what they "supposed" to do. But I realize that I was looking through the lenses of my past,  growing up in the hood and so close to poverty.  I'm thinking, these ninjas got a nerve to be ungrateful when they're children who don't have it like this.  I'm bending over backwards to increase our money and I get sass lol.....sounding like my mother lol....and everything other parent of I've heard.

But what do my kids know....they've never experienced any different....they don't know about southeast dc and the things that can come with it. They've never experienced how it was or how  it could be, they just know how it is. Could I be angry that they have  it better then how I had it growing up and to put icing on the cake,  they don't appreciate it....pause. nahhhh...lol

So I'm patting myself on the back for not tripping out and not feeling like I had to convince a 12 year old, who pays the bills around here. Whats the use of trying to rationalize with a 12 year old...none at this point.

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?

Over the past weekend, I hosted our sisters support circle, where every 3rd Sunday, a  diverse group of women come together to talk about different issues. Everyone's so intelligent and has a unique perspective that I learn and improve my life each time we meet.

Although the topic was on purpose and dreams, we touched on so many other topics, that we didn't even finish.  What hit home for me was the little side bar about friends.  It stemmed from an article, The Top 5 Regrets (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dyingwhere the article talks about people's regrets before dying.) 

One of the regrets was that "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

I mentioned in an earlier blog posting called friends and marriage, how  I thought my friendships  were changing.But the phrasing of that regret,  I wish I had stayed in contact with my friends, hit home. It put the ownership of my connections on me. It reminded me of what my mother said when I asked her about friends and marriage.  She said, "some friendships in adulthood change, but friendships in adulthood aren't hard, they just take more work." A wise woman, but don't tell her I said that :)So i asked myself,Have I been doing my best to connect with my friends?  Am i in tune with the opportunities presented to connect?No. I'm a person of easiness, so i tend to avoid things that require work.

My idea of friendships "in my head" is that of the movies and books... The easiness of long girl talk coffee house sessions, trips to exotic places, knowing the ends and outs about everyone's lives... Basically, relationships that don't take work... Just easy like Sunday morning. But the reality is that me focusing on what friendships looked like "in my head" made me discount my friendships and see them as superficial.  I equated friendships with being easy going and requiring no effort. I didn't realize what I have. I was so busy focusing on my friends not reaching out to me that I didn't even realize that I wasn't reaching out to them as often as I could. I didnt realize the opportunities i had to redeem lost time because i was consumed with "their" lack of effort. The rapper Common said, "relationship is effort but I will match your work." Where is my effort?

I asked myself, how bad do I really want the relationships or connections. Am i willing to change, "I'm not a phone person, to being a phone person to get the connection i desire?" Am i asking about their lives?Just little stuff like that. How bad do I really want it?

I know I don't want to be on my death bed, regretting not keeping in contact with my friends. Instead, I want to say I'm glad that I kept in contact with my friends...and have them at my side. Sidebar: ain't nobody dying... Aiin't nobody got time for that... Rather be raptured lol

I'm just sayin... Whew a chestful