It's Morning...

Its morning...my favorite time of the day. I've always loved mornings....the newness of the day, the chance to start again.  Mornings, my most pensive moments. I've always loved them. I think I maybe loved them more because the mornings represented my "me times" for so long....represented my freedom to begin the day anyway that I liked....sometimes loud music/dance routines...sometimes dancing around the house naked (or just walking around the house with whatever on)...sometimes singing at the top of my lungs...sometimes just curling up with my cat, George, saying nothing...just anything goes! The simple liberties of free mornings! It's amazing the stuff you take for granted during your pre-married days.  You don't realize all of the value in them until things are switched around.

I AM NEWLY WED. Mornings. Adjustment. Living with others. Adjustment. Children in elementary, middle school, & high school (all with different bus schedules). Adjustment.  Living with non-morning people. BIG ADJUSTMENT!

I think one the biggest adjustments was adjusting to my mornings no longer being my own. Did I mention I was a morning person? My husband is a morning person too...that's one of the reasons why I love him so.... my children, absolutely not....tho my middle son is a bit better than the other two.  Combine that with different morning schedules (morning school bus). Eek I started to hate mornings. Not only could I no longer walk around the house naked ( I know TMI...but its such a simple joy for me lol), I now had to wake up and make sure everybody had and did everything they were supposed to do. Eek! My intermittent dance and singing routines on hold. So the bubbly Tekeah...was did you brush your teeth, put on deodorant, did you eat...all that. I don't want to do all that talking in the morning. I wanna chill and enjoy the birds.  Let creative juices flow.You know, reflect.  Then I couldn't understand why....get this...wait for it.... I couldn't understand, why I had to keep saying the same stuff, day after day, to the kids.  Apparently, I thought their learning curve was a bit slow....when in fact I had forgotten what its like to be a kid....so I guess my learning curve was a bit slow lol. Kids sometimes try your greatest area of improvement....which mine was/is patience.  I AM NEWLY WED! lol

Then on top of that...during the weekend...guess who wanted to continue the early morning ritual of being a morning person, my husband.  So let me get this straight, the only day I don't "have to" get up and ensure that everybody is up and at em...my husband wants to get up at 7 am and get the day going. Ninja please! Ha Ha! Can you imagine the turmoil.... *swings arm across the bed to cuddle with husband* Empty space. He is up doing something...working out...talking about cutting grass or something.  Boy Bye!

I sit and think about it now. He didn't change. I did.  My  morning routine differed. My needs changed. Initially for a while, I was blown and I would tell him. "I just want you to lay here with me." Ummm...next Saturday he'd be up and at em again.  I guess he thought I was talking about just last Saturday. I'm like what part did this ninja not understand? I'd tell him again, "I just want you to lay with me because this is the only day that I don't have to get up to do anything and I just want to enjoy this. I don't want to get up uber early on Saturdays when we don't have too" I had to keep saying that for a lil while until he got it. I had to continue to express my needs and wishes to him and he got it. Patience and repetitiveness. Constant re-evaluation of my communication--Is it clear? Does he understand what I'm asking?

I started to take the same approach with the kids. Though I ain't gonna lie, I really don't like having to say things more than once...idk where I get that from lol. Lawd knows my parents told me the same things  over and over for eons...until I got it? lol

I don't know why I'm writing about this now. Maybe because it's a Tuesday morning and the love for mornings is rekindled. Right now, the kids are at a point where, I don't have to tell them wake up, read for an hour, get dressed, eat breakfast....they can do that on there own. After a year and a half, they are growing. I am growing. All I ask now is did you do what you were supposed to do and they say yes Wee hee! Hallelujah! Breakthru!

I think sometimes in the moment, I think that things are always going to be a certain way forever. Then the emotions arise. I guess that's the drama queen in me. Taking a step back to make sure that I am communicating what it is that I want and just not assuming or thinking that people should know what I want or what I'm going thru, is key. One day at a time.

It is 9 am . They have already showered, dressed, made breakfast, and I didn't say a word. They even asked last night to go to the library to get a new book:) for their reading time. Oh yeah fist pump! Trouble don't last always...ha ha !

U Gone Learn Today!

I've always been eager to learn and I'm always seeking information to improve... rather its myself or others. I mean always.  Rather its reading a book, engaged in a convo, going to trainings, art, physical activity, etc. whatever...im seeking to gain something from everything. I really love learning:) (yes, geeks unite). I went to college to study behavior and received my master's in social work (MSW).  Here lately, I've been thinking if my MSW is also my crutch, my defense mechanism,...my way to protect myself. 

You see, a part of my training is to look for patterns and connect the behavior to thinking feelings.blah, blah, blah. In evaluating my relationships, I seek people who's patterns I can predict.  Most of the people in my life, I tend to know the pattern, know their inconsistencies, most times lol. I married my husband because he's most consistent in being him. He's also a lot like my father, who's consistent to a fault at being him lol.  They're predictable people. I know their patterns. My mother, I know her pattern as irrational as it can be at times lol...i know it and so I make my decisions, as it concerns her, based upon my collection of data on her patterns. My friends, I tend to know their patterns, how they would respond. My kids. Lawd, what's the pattern!! lol! (I'll come back to that). People, who I see, as having a pattern that could harm me in the end, I avoid, or have a barrier up to protect me.

I love patterns and behavior. I love predictability. I love cause and effect. If i can predict what's going to happen or how I think a person is going to respond then I can prepare. If I can prepare then I can safe guard myself against being hurt. I can feel safe and not have surprise jabs of pain. I, in some respects, have some control over the outcome. I think this thinking is a safety technique, a defense, in a certain regard....and guess who is teaching me this, my kids!

Yes, kids have a way of magnifying your issues of improvement, highlighting your errors,  and challenging you to become better. Of course, I didn't see it like that at first. They have and are teaching me that I am/was rigid in some respects and lacked flexibility as it concerned adjusting to people changing their patterns. Because initially during the first months/year of being married, I experienced a lot of grief from them and from their mom, I put up a wall. You can't get close to me, and I don't want to get close to you, because you showed me, via your pattern, that you want to hurt me.  That and the fact that I could not wrap my mind totally around the exact pattern of my children.  Children are the most unpredictable people lol. One day we could be smooth sailing...the next day they would come in with attitudes....and I'm like Lawd, what is going on. Definitely, a wrench in some things. Most of all, I realized I didn't feel safe because at any point I could be made fun of (which they often do and still do...tho its lessoned significantly) or rejected. EEk! So you talking a major shift! Remember my equation  predictability = safety.... unpredictability = unsafe. 

What a lesson. What a shift.  I am reworking some things...where I  am learning to be in the moment, without armor on, to be vulnerable, and flexible.  Tearing down the very walls that I used for saftey...To take patterns for moments in time and not etch them in stone....its work....and people change and do sporadic things to. I am changing...sometimes i'm kicking and screaming at the same time...I AM NEWLY WED lol!  My kids are showing me that and for that I am grateful. I'm not one that has it all together...but I am willing to learn and become better. They are teaching me...in the words of Kevin Hart...U gonna learn today!

Here's a clip from yesterday. My boys came up with a routine to ask me to take them to the movies to see Despicable Me 2. It caught me so off guard I had them do it again so I could record it. It inspired the content for this blog and reminded me to expect change and the unexpected. It made me so happy to see this and witness this change. I don't think I would have been open to receive this if I was stuck on their previous "pattern."  Check it out!

And Despicable Me 2 was good!!