I'm a free spirit. I love exploring the things that bring me joy and happiness. So depending on the day you may find me singing, baking, working out, crocheting, reading, painting, group discussions, etc....whatever... it's fun and it's my life. This free spirit and liberty didn't truly materialize until I made it my mission to pursue joy and happiness after I resigned from my full time job as a social worker in 2010. At that time, I was dating my boyfriend (who is now my husband) when I came to that conclusion.
We talked about me quitting my job. Now, we'd been dating for about 2 years and some change and were already having conversations about marriage, pre-marital counseling, etc. So hence, I felt this was a conversation we should have if we were planning to spend the future together. It went something like, hey I think I'm going to resign from my job, how would you feel about that. He was cool with it. I quit my job.
Now, I wasn't just willy nilly about it. I was strategic in that even if I didn't get married for 5 years or even to my husband, I made sure that quitting my job was a choice that I could live with. In other words, me first, him second. I made sure I could sustain my life and my needs without the help of my boyfriend (I paid off every bill except for my house and car, I had a part time job, cut off anything that wasn't a necessity, and had savings, and continued to tithe). My income was not combined with my boyfriend. My decision wasn't based on a man, yet a discussion was had based upon our relationship. There are nuggets that I've learned as a result of my education as a social worker: Women are more likely to give up their dreams for a man more so than a man will for a woman. So I purposed to not fall into that statistic.
I'm still self-employed and an independent contractor. I'm still a free spirit who has a lot of hobbies. There is a slight difference though. In my premarital state, I asked by boyfriend what he thought and or included him in the discussion, but as a married woman, I ask for permission. Permission...it almost sounds like a curse word lol!
Yup, this grown woman asks for permission from her mate and in turn he does the same as well. We consider each other. It's not about the person owning you and or having control over you, but it's more so about being on the same page. Consulting with the one you choose as your mate. Maybe they see a different perspective that you don't see. There are a lot of things that I may want to do at a particular time and I'll ask him and he may say go right ahead and other times he may say wait for a little bit (normally the wait a little bit, is not because he finds pleasure in denying me, but it has a greater purpose..maybe the timing isn't right)..and I wait. I know that this hits the nerve for a lot of folk... like I'm grown I don't need their permission...then why get married? Do you, by yourself lol! Just serious! But really permission is not bad especially when you know your mate wants nothing but the best for you..in fact, in my book, asking for permission=peace...permission=communication...permission=same page
I think we started considering each other before we were even married and it transitioned well into marriage, but with added importance. I don't know where we'd be without "Permission" in our marriage.
We talked about me quitting my job. Now, we'd been dating for about 2 years and some change and were already having conversations about marriage, pre-marital counseling, etc. So hence, I felt this was a conversation we should have if we were planning to spend the future together. It went something like, hey I think I'm going to resign from my job, how would you feel about that. He was cool with it. I quit my job.
Now, I wasn't just willy nilly about it. I was strategic in that even if I didn't get married for 5 years or even to my husband, I made sure that quitting my job was a choice that I could live with. In other words, me first, him second. I made sure I could sustain my life and my needs without the help of my boyfriend (I paid off every bill except for my house and car, I had a part time job, cut off anything that wasn't a necessity, and had savings, and continued to tithe). My income was not combined with my boyfriend. My decision wasn't based on a man, yet a discussion was had based upon our relationship. There are nuggets that I've learned as a result of my education as a social worker: Women are more likely to give up their dreams for a man more so than a man will for a woman. So I purposed to not fall into that statistic.
I'm still self-employed and an independent contractor. I'm still a free spirit who has a lot of hobbies. There is a slight difference though. In my premarital state, I asked by boyfriend what he thought and or included him in the discussion, but as a married woman, I ask for permission. Permission...it almost sounds like a curse word lol!
Yup, this grown woman asks for permission from her mate and in turn he does the same as well. We consider each other. It's not about the person owning you and or having control over you, but it's more so about being on the same page. Consulting with the one you choose as your mate. Maybe they see a different perspective that you don't see. There are a lot of things that I may want to do at a particular time and I'll ask him and he may say go right ahead and other times he may say wait for a little bit (normally the wait a little bit, is not because he finds pleasure in denying me, but it has a greater purpose..maybe the timing isn't right)..and I wait. I know that this hits the nerve for a lot of folk... like I'm grown I don't need their permission...then why get married? Do you, by yourself lol! Just serious! But really permission is not bad especially when you know your mate wants nothing but the best for you..in fact, in my book, asking for permission=peace...permission=communication...permission=same page
I think we started considering each other before we were even married and it transitioned well into marriage, but with added importance. I don't know where we'd be without "Permission" in our marriage.
When I was the "Independent Black Woman" I would have told you I ain't never asking no man for permission and then I heard Michael Eric Dyson say that every woman is looking for a man that will lead them. When I met my husband, I had never really experienced a relationship where someone asked for permission but I found that in order for us to completely trust each other, we had to be transparent. This is especially important for me as a performer who travels as the only woman in a band with 10 men, business connections with lots of men and hey, I'm not too shabby looking either! We openly express what we're doing, where we're going and yes, I ask, "Do you mind if I . . . ?" so that NO ONE will ever be able to come to him and say, "Did you know I saw your wife at . . . ?" and him be clueless. And money?!?! I've seen way too many couples arguing about money when transparency could have kept it from being a huge issue. The reason people get into a marriage and aren't open to asking for permission (which I think is being respectful to the needs and feelings of your partner and to your marriage) is lack of trust. People still get into relationships where they don't completely trust their mate with their life. I mean really knowing that your mate always has the best interest of your family in mind. If you don't respect your mate, you won't trust them and you won't give a hoot what their feelings about the hot dress you just bought or your spending habits. Asking permission says, "I don't want to do anything to mess this up because I love and respect you." Isn't that why children are supposed to ask their parents before they do something? Isn't that why we consult God before we make a move? Oddly, many women and men will trust a stranger with our lives (sex, money, time) easier than we'll trust our partner with it.
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