Don't Cross the Line In Marriage...

As a single woman, I had so many boundaries of do's and dont's. I had lists upon lists as to what line I would cross as well as the things that were forbidden. I remember when I first had the eureka moment that I could no longer spend the night over a male's house who was attracted to me....forget those attracted to me... plainly, I couldn't spend the night over a man's house who had a penis..lol. My spending night was solely for cuddling, whereas them having me over was to cuddle but to ultimately lead to the bedroom. Lessons learned. Needless to say, I created boundaries in my life for protection and safety.   I  also didn't date guys who were liberal with alcohol because I wasn't a drinker and it def wasn't sexy to me. I was already dealing with family who dealt with alcoholism, and so me choosing to date someone who had the same problem, just seemed like an additional headache. Sorry,  dealing with my family is enough.

So that's what I did. What I do. I create lines and boundaries for protection....for safety.  I look at past behaviors and patterns and create a framework for how I will handle you. It keeps me safe and then I know what to expect. I say that for the most part, the boundaries and lines that I created for myself did what they were supposed to do; they safe guarded me.

It's just this one thing........ummmmmmm....I'm married.

What I find now, is that some of the boundaries and lines that I've put up are no longer relevant. They don't apply, yet, some of the blocks are still up. It's funny how you don't realize you still have them up until your mate does something to try to penetrate the wall.

For example,  take the previous situation during my singlehood about cuddling = sex.  I still like to cuddle. JUST CUDDLE.  I love sex too, but I view the two separately. My hubby likes to cuddle too...but he likes to cuddle to HAVE SEX.  So when we were first married,  I was like, you just want to hold me to have sex. I didn't realize at that time but his holding me to have sex triggered my past feeling of feeling used (singlehood).  He would say, you don't want to have sex. So how do you figure out which cuddle times are just CUDDLE times (me) and  what times are CUDDLE + SEX times (him). LOL. I know right.

So in essence, I had to reconstruct some boundaries and allow myself to be completely vulnerable to the man I chose to be my husband for the rest of my life on this earth. I started this process by having conversations with him during times when we were just kicking it (i.e. chilling out). I don't think you want to have these conversations during tense situations...but that's just my thought.


And these conversations allowed the walls to come down. Now, some of these conversations are on-going, but the willingness to reconstruct the boundaries and the lines in your relationship is the key.

Overall, I think lines and boundaries should exist in all relationships; however, figuring out which
ones to keep, reconstruct, and eliminate is essential in your marriage.