I know the declarations I made in my pre-marital state. I'mma be this way, I'mma do this, etc. My interests premaritally were on me .... how I wanted to look and or wanted to be. Now that I'm married, I still have some of those same thoughts of how I want to look, be, and or things I want to do.... however there is great consideration and submission to my husband.
I thought about this as I was preparing to get a new hairstyle last weekend. I wanted a change from the weaves. I wanted something different, but I just didn't know what. I talked to my husband about some options: braids, etc. I showed him pics of what I was considering and he didn't like quite a few. In the end, I didn't get a hairstyle that he didn't like.
Some may think uhh, it's just a hairstyle.... And it is. More than that, it is an expression of my love for him. I understand that I represent more than myself and I am his wife. I aim to please him :) in every way that I can. Now don't get me wrong we have our artistic differences like the time when I wanted to run to the store in short gym shorts and thigh high muggle socks and a winter coat..... Lol.. Yeah I tried. It happens. But overall I have made changes for my man because the consideration is no longer "just about me" but it's about him and how it will affect our relationship.
People may disagree with me...but I firmly believe that when you're married you should change for your mate. I believe that your core values should already line up before marrying so I so think the changes that take place shouldn't be that life altering.
It's a part my of wife description to know my man... Likes and dislikes.... And for me sometimes that may mean changes. I don't think it makes you a weak person, I believe it's such a great demonstration of love.... Considering "us" before me.
What are your thoughts on this?!
Before
After
You shouldn't have to change at all...
ReplyDeleteI understand where Anonymous is coming from..I think..well as much I can from the seven words they posted (meaning I may be taking liberties with my interpretation). The first thought, I think is "You shouldn't change". However, at the end of the day that is a blanket statement that of course does not apply to every single aspect of a relationship and every situation. Of course you will have to change. Unless you are going to continue to live alone, see each other a few nights a week, spend a few weekends together...etc. I know that is broad but it is just an example of how CHANGING is inevitable.
ReplyDeleteI mean, (depending on what you subscribe to spiritually) you two have become one. So, I agree with Tea when she says he now has to take her spouse into consideration. Marriage..becoming one is in part about dying to self daily. Which I am SURE sucks at times but what is gained..seems to me, from my single perspective, to outweigh the the cost.
There is line though. I FIRMLY believe that no one should EVER marry someone with the expectation that they will change. You are setting yourself up for failure. When you enter into that covenant you are saying "I do" to who that person is at that moment... But when I say that, again, it's not a "one size fits every single thing" statement. I am talking about if the person suffers from deep depression..well honey you just said "I do" to depression. If they have a tenancy to cheat pre-marriage, lack self control, be deceitful, have poor money management, have a wondering eye, not be spiritually grounded, you are their Mamma/Daddy (more than their lover), etc etc etc.. you are saying "I do" to that..however, some change is expected within marriage. Some change is expected when your dating. An unwillingness to bend and take your partner into consideration equates to someone needing to be blissfully unattached. Committed relationships are not for you.