Two popular shows, Scandal and I Am Mary Jane, seem to have taken the world and social media by storm. Now, I can't speak for I Am Mary Jane as I've never seen the show...but Scandal is def on my list of shows that I watch each season it returns (along with The Walking Dead, etc. lol). The two share this common thread of steamy affairs and intelligent and attractive mistresses. There seems to be a trend of glamorizing cheating while desensitizing the world on the thought of affairs and mistresses. I was having a conversation with some friends about mistresses, side chicks, bottom (female dogs), etc. ...in which they hipped me to this class system that I didn't even know existed.....guess you learn something new everyday.
But you know what, I think the producer's of these shows, miss out on a particular "other woman" in marriages and in relationships. It's the "other woman" that I know all too well and am also still learning. The "other woman" that I must deal with as a result of having a blended family.
Let's talk about that "other woman." The "other woman" who is involved in your life because she had children with your husband or mate.
Now, when I first got married "the other woman"was havoc and I really didn't now how to deal with it. I was coming from hey...i want to be your friend and she was coming from, I want nothing to do with you. Needless, to say the road was rocky. So here's my bit on what I've learned thus far about dealing with another woman while you're married/relationship....
1. You and your husband are one. You are a team.
Most marriages take some years before functioning on this level, but my husband and I had to learn how to function as 1 within in the first 6 months of our relationship or it would have been in shambles. Splitting (playing one side against each other) is very common in blended families. It can can come from the children and or the other woman.
2. Communicate as one to the "other woman."
This takes a lot of practice and patience. This means that before you respond to any e-mail, request, or questions from the other woman/man, that you have a conversation with your partner. We created a phrase for when things are asked of us: "I will get back to you, after I talk with my husband/wife." Not only does this communicate oneness, but it eliminates confusion.
3. Document agreements and arrangements.
When you have a relationship that is strained, it is easy to say one thing, but hear another. My mother taught me one of the most valuable lessons that has helped me so much in life, "You can't refute what's in black and white." In essence, that means that once you put something in writing and that person agrees... you can always go back to it as a reference point....and it lessons emotional responses.
4. Remember, they are not you.
I believe one of the number one fallacy's that had my husband and I stuck for a little while in dealing with another woman is expecting her to deal with situations the same we would. She is not not us and vice versa. We are only responsible for our actions and have to divorce ourselves from how she may choose to deal with things. A wise man once told me, our response is our responsibility. A wise woman once told me, don't let another person just chill in your brain...they are taking up space.
5. Keep your relationship PRIORITY.
Although having children is a major part of our lives and another woman is a part of that life, our marriage relationship is separate and only 2nd to our personal relationships with God.
But you know what, I think the producer's of these shows, miss out on a particular "other woman" in marriages and in relationships. It's the "other woman" that I know all too well and am also still learning. The "other woman" that I must deal with as a result of having a blended family.
Let's talk about that "other woman." The "other woman" who is involved in your life because she had children with your husband or mate.
Now, when I first got married "the other woman"was havoc and I really didn't now how to deal with it. I was coming from hey...i want to be your friend and she was coming from, I want nothing to do with you. Needless, to say the road was rocky. So here's my bit on what I've learned thus far about dealing with another woman while you're married/relationship....
1. You and your husband are one. You are a team.
Most marriages take some years before functioning on this level, but my husband and I had to learn how to function as 1 within in the first 6 months of our relationship or it would have been in shambles. Splitting (playing one side against each other) is very common in blended families. It can can come from the children and or the other woman.
2. Communicate as one to the "other woman."
This takes a lot of practice and patience. This means that before you respond to any e-mail, request, or questions from the other woman/man, that you have a conversation with your partner. We created a phrase for when things are asked of us: "I will get back to you, after I talk with my husband/wife." Not only does this communicate oneness, but it eliminates confusion.
3. Document agreements and arrangements.
When you have a relationship that is strained, it is easy to say one thing, but hear another. My mother taught me one of the most valuable lessons that has helped me so much in life, "You can't refute what's in black and white." In essence, that means that once you put something in writing and that person agrees... you can always go back to it as a reference point....and it lessons emotional responses.
4. Remember, they are not you.
I believe one of the number one fallacy's that had my husband and I stuck for a little while in dealing with another woman is expecting her to deal with situations the same we would. She is not not us and vice versa. We are only responsible for our actions and have to divorce ourselves from how she may choose to deal with things. A wise man once told me, our response is our responsibility. A wise woman once told me, don't let another person just chill in your brain...they are taking up space.
5. Keep your relationship PRIORITY.
Although having children is a major part of our lives and another woman is a part of that life, our marriage relationship is separate and only 2nd to our personal relationships with God.
