I remember like it was yesterday. I had just graduated from undergrad, University of Pittsburgh (hail
Pitt!)... which by far was a joyous occasion and yet a sad one. Joyous because I'd survived my last semester and sad because it didn't include my first love (my first serious boyfriend and I had broken up). Nonetheless, he came up for my graduation and we had sex (I thought that "making love" meant we were getting back together...naive). I can remember a conversation with my girlfriend ...her telling me to count 14 days since the end of my last cycle and arriving at the conclusion that I'm ovulating. The remedy: student health center for the morning after pill.
Memorial Day. I realize this tingling sensation in my boobs won't go away. I find out I'm pregnant. I'm 21 yrs old.
8 weeks and one day. The doctors can't find my baby's heartbeat.Miscarried. My world shattered.
It's one thing to find out your pregnant and it's unplanned, but it's another feeling to accept your foolish decisions and accept the idea, only to have the rug pulled from under you. But all in all, I dealt with it. I asked God for forgiveness and dealt with the reality that I may or may not have caused the miscarriage of my child.
Fast forward. I'm married and we're planning to be pregnant. What's amazing is that I realize that as a woman, I didn't like my "period" (cramps), then I worried about when my "period"didn't come (panic if I was having sex) ... And now I'm stressed when my "period" does come (when I see the sight of it, I'm saddened). This sucks period lol (pun intended)!
Miscarriages steal life and I don't believe they are the will of God. Furthermore, they try to etch pain in your memory to hold you down from the future. Often times when I get my "period" the past of miscarriage tries to speak to me and discourage me.... Thank God for the confidence in His word that I'm forgiven and for a husband who knows my past as well as my future (it's important).
This last time when I was saddened and in tears at the sight of my period , my husband held me and said, "don't worry sweets, God knows what He's doing."
I received what he said like it was medicine to my soul. To everyone who has ever had a miscarriage this is for you. God loves you and don't allow it to speak to and or hinder your future.
