How To Make Birthdays Special in Blended Families

Birthdays come and go. Me, I just recently had a birthday. I'm 35. Yup 35 with 6 kids. Woo sah! Lol! But enough about my birthday (which was awesome) lets talk about birthdays in a blended family.

Birthdays in a blended family are different and special. The reality is that when there are court orders and visitation  schedules, celebrating your child's actual  birthday on their birthday doesn't happen as often as you'd like. There have been consecutive years where we haven't had our kids on their actual birthdays, but it has never stopped the party. When we were newly married, we decided that not having our children on their b-day would not be a source of contention or negativity... And we stuck to it. We don't dwell on not having them in our physical custody on their birthday; it's not a big deal. What 's a big deal is that they're celebrated :) So we celebrate their birthday normally before their birthdate or right after if we don't have them on their actual b day.  We made a family tradition out of it. We have our festivities and then we conclude it with a family dinner in which we go around the table and each person says why they're thankful for the  b day person. I didn't really realize how much they were looking forward to it, until we went out for my birthday. They were like, dad don't forget, we got to do that thing! Lol!  That thing.. aka saying why they're thankful for the honoree (and of course they love the celebratory dinners cuz it's a night to eat out)! The kids reminding us of our family tradition highlighted how,we,as parents, influence our children's perceptions. We, the parentals, set the mood and the tone and normally the kids will adjust to however you set the tone (be it negative/positive). It was was weird when we first started it in 2011, but now they know what to expect and even look forward to it.

So here's a couple of suggestions to make a blended family birthday special:

1. Don't focus on the other parent (they had them x amount of years on their birthday it's my turn..blah blah blah)

-- Remember Birthdays are about the child. They shouldn't feel like they're in the middle.

2. Create your own ritual/tradition that you do every year. 

3. Decide to celebrate before or after and let them know.

6. Make a big deal and let them know that you're thankful that they've lived another year!

Here's a pic from a bday last year ... No sad faces in the building! Lol

Death Sucks! Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Death sucks! Lately, I've heard of so many stories of sudden or tragic deaths. I hate it. I feel so powerless and I'm always wishing there was something I could do to change the outcome. Sadly, I can't.  

I wish I could've changed the news about a married couple I'd worked with just last summer. I was told that the husband died in his sleep. I was shocked! I think I'd finished up this married couples' interview in July 2014 and he died in December 2014.  Man, that messed me up. I didn't have a close relationship with him or anything, but I grieved for his wife. When doing their couple's interview, I felt the connection that they had for one another and to hear that their union was cut short really hurt me and shook me up.

I thought about my husbands mortality. How I don't want to lose him and how much I value him. I value our time together and I told him so.

Not too long after I shared with my hubby how much I value him, we had a tift about something. I don't even remember what it was about, but during that tift God reminded me that I said that I value my husband and our time together. So, why waste time?

If something were to happen would you be satisfied with this being the last moment with your hubby? Now, I know nothing is going to happen to us but this question shifted my perspective. Instead of holding on to the anger and the check out phase (intentionally ignoring with the poked out lip lol), it caused me to want to bounce back more quickly after a tift.  I no longer wanted to waste that time or energy.... I can't get that time back.... And that negative energy steals golden moments.

Now, I'm not perfect ... But as I get older, how I spend my time and energy has become more important and so I try to remember these 3 things:

-Every moment with my framily counts.

-I purpose to have our last interaction be on a high note.... (A simple, I love you at the end or I appreciate you is a great add on for this)

-I let them know (although it may be random) via text, phone, gift, etc. that I value them. 

Let me reiterate, I'm not perfect.... I just want to capitalize on loving those in my life while they're here on this earth.